


Pretty Girl

by Joyful



Category: Glee
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bisexuality, Bullying, Community: glee_angst_meme, F/F, F/M, Homosexuality, M/M, Pansexual Character, Sexual Harassment, Trans Character, Transgender, Transphobia, bildungsroman
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2011-01-15
Updated: 2011-03-28
Packaged: 2017-10-14 18:52:25
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 44,402
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/152362
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joyful/pseuds/Joyful
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kurt and Finn are becoming closer as step-brothers, and Kurt figured out Finn's darkest secret—the one Finn can't even quite put into words—Finn's transgender, MTF.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hardest Question to Answer Can Often Be, "Who Am I?"

**Author's Note:**

  * For [theauthor2010](https://archiveofourown.org/users/theauthor2010/gifts).



> Based on this prompt: http://community.livejournal.com/glee_angst_meme/4263.html?thread=7393191#t7393191  
> For Kayla, who is awesome. So, I thought it might be nice to write something in present tense for a change. The only problem is I keep forgetting, and accidentally use past tense instead. I've tried to catch them all, but I'm not perfect.
> 
> Also, since this story deals with a trans character, the pronouns and names aren't perfect, at least for the first few chapters. Sometimes the character is referred to as 'he' and sometimes 'she,' and sometimes as Vanessa and sometimes as Finn. This has been done intentionally, and it'll be a few chapters before this starts to ease into a constant. And there are probably some people who will never use the correct pronouns.

It starts a little at a time. The Hudson-Hummel clan has been living under the same roof for a few weeks when Finn starts asking Kurt some personal questions. Kurt's home from Dalton for Christmas break and he and Finn are playing video games in the basement. Finn's been a lot quieter since he and Rachel broke up, and Kurt wonders if it's bothering Finn more than he's been saying. Kurt's just about to ask Finn if he's okay when Finn finally blurts out the question.

“How did you know you were gay?”

Kurt cocks his head to the side. He and Finn have grown close enough that he doesn't think Finn's trying to start anything, or be mean, and he knows Finn's still upset over the fall-out from the “lamp incident” last year. So he takes the question as seriously as he thinks Finn means it.

“Well,” Kurt starts, “There are some really little things, and of course the big obvious ones. I never liked holding hands with girls when we did dance units in gym, or in dance class. I always wanted to hold hands with boys. I never wanted to kiss girls, or do anything romantic with them, only ever guys. When I dream. You know, the dreams that usually leave you sticky afterward?” he says watching his step-brother blush and nod. “Well, the dreams were always about guys. It's always been plainly obvious to me—I like boys and not girls.”

“Did you ever try to, like, force yourself to like girls?” Finn asks.

“I dated Brittany,” Kurt says. “We kissed, and made out. I even let her touch me, you know, there,” he admitted, blushing. Finn's blush matched Kurt as he realized what Kurt was saying, “But something about how soft her hands were, and how feminine she felt and smelled in my arms, I just couldn't keep it up. I had to think about Orlando Bloom just to last as long as I did.”

“Did you ever think about pretending longer, to keep your Dad happy?” Finn asks.

“My dad saw right through me,” Kurt says. “He wasn't fooled for a second.”

“Was it hard to come out, the first time?” Finn asks Kurt, and Kurt gets an odd feeling about the questions Finn is asking, the way he's asking him, and the tone of voice he's using.

“It was terrifying,” Kurt said. “The first time I ever said, 'I'm gay,' was to Mercedes. She had a crush on me back then, and I tried to divert her attention by claiming a crush on Ra—on somebody else.”

“You can say her name,” Finn said, rolling his eyes. “I'm over her.”

“Well, okay. So I told Mercedes I had a crush on Rachel, and she flipped out. I didn't want to lose Mercedes as a friend, so I told her the truth.”

“Weren't you scared? That she'd tell everyone and nobody would be your friend anymore?”

“Finn, I only had three friends. And anybody who has a problem with my sexuality isn't worth my time.”

Finn doesn't answer. He stares at the screen for a little while longer until they both die, then he switches the TV off. “I need food.” Finn disappears up the stairs before Kurt really knows what's going on. Something is bothering Finn, and Kurt wants to know what it is.

*****

It's a couple weeks before the next incident, and when it happens, Kurt doesn't know what to think. That Friday is a Teacher's Day, so there aren't any classes at Dalton. Kurt decides to take advantage of the day off by driving home for a long weekend in Lima. Carol and Burt are both at their respective jobs. Kurt's a little surprised to see Finn's second-hand truck out on the street, since Glee practice is usually going on right about now. Kurt wonders if Finn is sick, and feels compelled to go up to Finn's room to check on him. He wouldn't have gone into Finn's room if he hadn't heard crying.

“No, go away, I hate you go away,” Finn says in between little gasping sobs. “Mailman, mailman, mailman. I hate you! Go away!”

As Kurt walks into Finn's bedroom, the initial image doesn't match the tone of Finn's voice at all. What Kurt sees at first is Finn lying on his bed, his pants down around his knees and his hand on his hard cock. Kurt plans on turning away and leaving Finn alone to masturbate until the truth of the image hits him. Finn isn't _stroking_ his cock. He's not masturbating or enjoying himself at all. No, his fingernails are digging into the flesh of his erection, almost looking like he wants to rip it off while he cries and swears at it. This is an intensely private, emotional moment and Kurt turns and flees, not wanting Finn to know he's caught him like this.

Kurt doesn't really know what to do. He decides to go out to his car and carry his overnight bags to his room, then go to the kitchen to make him and Finn something to eat. Kurt can't stop thinking about what he just saw, though. He finds himself thinking about the talk the other night, when Finn kept asking him questions about being gay. Is Finn having a sexual identity crisis? Is he questioning his sexuality? Kurt isn't sure what he witnessed upstairs, but he knows that Finn is bothered by something and he wants to help his friend out. Kurt refuses to think “brother” only minutes after seeing Finn's erection. Because even though Kurt's infatuation has faded almost completely, Finn is still a physically attractive man and concerned or not the slight physical reactions that Kurt's body are having aren't exactly brotherly. Kurt tries to push all those thoughts aside because he's _not_ in love with Finn. He's romantically interested in Blaine, with whom he's gone out on one real date and one coffee date since Kurt started at Dalton.

Kurt has put away his things and is starting on dinner when Finn comes down into the kitchen.

“Hey!” Finn says, grinning at Kurt as he gives his step-brother a side-hug. “I didn't know you were coming home this weekend!”

“Teachers have a conference thing, so no classes today. I would have come home last night, but I got caught up in emergency Warbler's practice. I may have possibly let it slip to Wes and David that the people singing solos at Sectionals were totally the B-Team, and the Warblers have no chance of beating ND at our current level.”

“Are you trying to scare them into losing or scare them into winning?” Finn asks, furrowing his brow.

“I'm not actually sure,” Kurt admits. “I'd love to win at Regionals, I really would. But the Warblers aren't at risk of getting their Glee club cut, and New Directions is. Mostly I'm trying not to think about it too much.”

“What are you making for dinner?” Finn asks

“Lasagna. The beef is 95-5 and the cheese is low fat, made from skim, so it shouldn't be too bad for Dad if I don't add too much salt. Do you want to help?”

“What can I do?” Finn asks

“Well, first wash your hands, then empty a ricotta container into a bowl and add a third of a cup of the fake eggs stuff,” Kurt directs. Finn follows directions pretty well, and helps Kurt get dinner going. While they work, Finn comes up with more questions for Kurt.

“Kurt?” Finn started.

“Yes?” Kurt answered.

“Do you ever wish you were a girl? Or think of yourself a girl?” Finn asked.

Kurt is startled at first, and it takes him a few seconds to calm himself down and realize that this is the new Finn, not the old one, who threw pee balloons at him and called him a girl in a cruel way. This is Finn his friend, his brother, who is genuinely asking him a question.

“Not really,” Kurt says, and he watches Finn's face fall, as the hopeful look Finn's eyes held drains away. “I mean, sometimes I wonder if my life might be easier if I was born a straight girl, or if I was a straight guy, but I'm generally pretty happy being a man. And being a gay man.” He watches different emotions flit across Finn's face and he can swear to Gaga that Finn looks like somebody just kicked his puppy hardcore. “Do you?” he asks gently.

“No,” Finn says quickly, defensively.

“It's okay if you have, Finn, I won't think any less of you. I have _wondered_ at times what it might be like to be a girl.”

Finn doesn't answer Kurt. He continues to work on the lasagna with Kurt in silence. When the lasagna is put together, they slide it into the oven, and Kurt sets the timer.

“Kurt, do you ever hate your body?” Finn asks.

“I think everyone hates something about themselves sometimes,” Kurt said. “I don't always like the shape of my face, or the sound of my voice. As much as I like _singing_ like a girl I usually wish I sounded more like a man when I talk. I wish I was a couple inches taller.”

“I hate it,” Finn said. “I _hate_ being tall! Every time I get an inch taller I just want to die! It sucks! I'm like a freak or something!” Finn bangs his fist on the counter, startling Kurt, before turning around and running up the stairs. Kurt sighs as he watches his step-brother disappear to his bedroom. He's beginning to formulate a theory about Finn, and while parts of it don't mesh at all with his idea of who Finn is, there are parts that actually make more sense. Going down to his bedroom, but leaving the door open so he can hear the oven timer ring, Kurt fires up his computer and starts looking up some of the words he's heard mentioned at the LGBTQ group Blaine brings him to every week. He starts typing into google, _transgender_ , _genderqueer_ and _gender-identity_.

*****

Kurt is alone with Finn again the next day. Burt and Carol have gone out again, on a date. Kurt and Finn are playing video games again. This time, Kurt decides, it's his turn to ask the questions.

“Finn, did you ever really love Quinn?” Kurt asks.

“I...I dunno. I cared about her a lot, I thought I loved her,” Finn says. “Most of the time, of course, she was a heinous bitch, but she was soft and beautiful. I liked being around her.”

“How about Rachel?” Kurt asks. “Were you in love with Rachel?”

“I don't know,” Finn says. “I think I convinced myself I was. She wanted me, and she worked so hard to get me, why not let her get me in the end?”

“Finn, why do you date?” Kurt asks.

“I dunno. I'm sixteen, it's expected of me, right? Football player, basketball player, freakishly tall monster-boy. I'm supposed to go out with pretty girls,” Finn says, and Kurt can hear a lot of self-deprecation in Finn's answer.

“Can I ask you another question?” Kurt asks. “And I promise that if you answer me honestly I'll never tell another person, ever.”

“What's the question?” Finn asks, genuinely curious, but a little scared.

“When you have your eyes closed, and you're lying back in bed, or when you're dreaming, and you think about yourself, what do you look like?”

“Smaller,” Finn says. “Shorter, thinner, longer hair. Things like that.”

“And are you a boy or a girl?” Kurt asks. Kurt sees Finn's hands clench around the game controller hard enough that he isn't surprised when he hears the plastic crack. Hopefully they can fix it with some duct tape. Finn's eyes are screwed shut and his face is a mask of fear and pain.

“Finn,” Kurt says. “I won't tell anyone. What's the truth?”

“A girl,” Finn whispers. “In my dreams I'm a girl. I wish I was a girl.”

“Why?” Kurt asks. “Or, 'how so?' might be a better question.”

“I want to be small, and delicate. I want to have long hair and move gracefully and not stomp around like a gorilla. I just want to be pretty,” Finn chokes out.

“Do you feel like a girl is what you're really supposed to be, only you're in the wrong body?” Kurt asks

Finn's eyes snap open at the question.

“How do you know that? Nobody knows that. When I was little, asked my mom when I would get to turn into a girl, and when she said never I wanted to die,” Finn says in a mixture of accusation and sadness.

“Because it's not that uncommon, Finn,” Kurt says, turning off the video game and letting down the controller. He comes over to Finn and pries the controller from Finn's hands. “There's a word for it. It's called 'Transgender.' That's what the T in the LGBT stands for. It means, if that's what you are, that you were physically born a boy, but in your head and in your heart, you're a girl.”

“Yes,” Finn hisses out, in a frightening combination of a whisper and a shout that results in a terrifying choking noise. “Yes. That's it. I'm a girl. In my head, I'm a girl.”

“I found a whole bunch of websites online for you,” Kurt says. “Yesterday, after we talked in the kitchen I had a hunch, so I did some research. Do you want to see?”

“Yes,” Finn says. “I'm a little scared, though.”

“I won't tell anybody anything until you want me to,” Kurt promises. “You're my br—sister now. My sister, and I'm going to look out for you, because that's what big brothers do.”

*end part one*


	2. Leaving the Closet by Way of Baby Steps

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that I have no desire to demonize Carol, at all. She is not a bad mom, but it has to be very stressful to be a single mom, and Finn is portrayed as not being all that intelligent, so it makes sense for Carol to be easily frustrated, and say things without realizing that they're hurtful.

After spending that night and the next day pouring over websites, and even ordering a few books online with Kurt's credit card,it was another few weeks before Kurt comes home from Dalton. While Kurt was away in Westerville, he did some more research to help Finn. And to help his family. He and Finn had a long talk about why Finn had always acted the way he had, so homophobic, so 'heteronormative,' which was a word Finn had trouble getting used to at first. Kurt thinks about Finn's answer and is a little sad.

 _“Mom said I was the man of the house. I had to fill my father's shoes,”_ Finn had said. The pained, hateful look on Finn's face when she'd said it had broken Kurt's heart.

She. His sister, not his brother. The gender pronouns would take a while to get used to, especially since Finn looked so much like a man. But the more they just talked about things, Finn opening up and being honest, the easier it was for Kurt to see the girl inside the hunky male body. And when they talked every night on the phone, it was easier to hear the girl, no matter how deep her voice was. Kurt had been surprised when Finn had said she envied Kurt's voice. It was usually something Kurt was teased for.

Kurt drives home, excited to tell Finn what he's found out. There's a transgender support group support group in Toledo, and another in Columbus, but the one in Toledo has a meeting this Sunday, and Kurt is going to take Finn there, and be good moral support. He remembered how scared he had been when he first came out, and if Mercedes, Tina, Brittany and his Dad hadn't been there for him, he might not have made it. Kurt remembers how sick to his stomach he felt when he read the statistics about suicides among trans youth. They were even higher than the statistics for gay youth. Kurt knew he would do whatever it took to make sure Finn had all the support she needed to be herself.

Kurt pulls his Navigator into his driveway. Burt and Carol have gone away for the weekend again. Since they used their honeymoon money to get Kurt away from Karofsky, Burt was trying to make sure Carol didn't miss out on too much, and had started taking her on mini-honeymoons at various B&Bs once a month or so, whenever they could afford to go. He parks the car grabs his bag, and goes inside. He's thinking about Blaine as he walks inside. Blaine had wanted Kurt to stay on campus and go out with him again this weekend—they weren't officially dating yet, but they had gone on a few dates—but Kurt had told Blaine that since his parents were out of town he was going to go home and keep Finn company.

Kurt walks into the house and sets his bags down before looking around for Finn. He doesn't have to look long, it's hard to miss the great big wall of red that is Finn lounging in her Gaga dress.

“Hey Finn,” Kurt said, “What's up?”

“I quit basketball today,” Finn says beaming. “I talked to Coach, and told her that I hate basketball, and only play because people told me I had to. She says she doesn't want anyone on the team unless they really want to be there. So I don't have to wear those horrible basketball shorts anymore.”

“Good for you,” Kurt says, leaning over to hug Finn. Hugging was definitely something they did more of now. Kurt told her about the trans group in Toledo, and she seemed excited.

“I was thinking,” Finn says. “I hate my name.”

“You can pick a girl's name that I can call you by. You can even introduce yourself with it when we go to the trans group on Sunday.”

“What sort of name should I pick?” Finn asks.

“Well, are there any girl names you like? Is there any girl name you call yourself in your head?” Kurt asks. Finn shakes his head and frowns.

“Well,” he pauses, “Sometimes Puck calls me Finnessa. He thinks it's an insult. But Finnessa isn't a real name.”

“But Vanessa is,” Kurt says. “How about Vanessa? With Nessie or Nessa for short?”

“Vanessa,” Finn says, rolling the name around in her mouth as her eyes lit up. “I like it.”

“Then Vanessa it is,” Kurt says, sitting down next to her on the sofa. “So, you want to tell me why you're wearing your Gaga dress on a Friday afternoon?”

“It's the only dress I have, and I wanted to feel pretty for a little bit,” Finn answers, staring down at her lap.

“We're going to have to increase your wardrobe,” Kurt says. “Come down to my room, I'll take your measurements and we can order some girly clothes for you on the internet, and make any minor alterations we need to on my sewing machine.”

“Do they even make girls' clothes big enough for me?” she asks. “Mom had to help me make this last year.”

“There are websites that sell female clothes specifically designed for male bodies,” Kurt says, “for drag queens and trans girls and cross dressers. I bet we can find some clothes you like.”

“You think so?” Vanessa asks, her voice so hopeful that Kurt can't help but smile.

“I know so. And you know how much I love shopping for clothes.”

“Where do you get the money for all your designer clothes?” Vanessa asks as she follows Kurt down into the basement. “I mean, Burt's not exactly loaded.”

“I have a trust fund,” Kurt says. “Some of it's an inheritance from my mom, and some of it is the malpractice settlement we got when she died.”

“How did she die, if it's okay to ask?”

“She was in the hospital for stomach pains and a doctor screwed up and gave her the wrong medicine. The hospital paid us a bunch of money, so that we wouldn't sue, and most of it went into my fund.”

“That sucks,” Finn says, wrinkling her nose.

“I agree.”

They look at clothes for a while. Vanessa is awkward and nervous at first, but she opens up more to the idea when she realizes Kurt is absolutely not going to make fun of her. He helps her take measurements and explains the different terms for the different accessories. Once she finds out what a gaff is, her eyes light up and she absolutely wants one. Kurt orders her three different ones so she can see which one works best. On one of the sites, she just stares at the fake breasts.

“Do you want some?” Kurt asks. Vanessa just nods, not saying anything. “There's different kinds. You can get one of the bras that are already stuffed, or you can get inserts that you can put in lots of different bras. Of course, those run the risk of sliding and shifting.”

“Which should I get?”

“I'd get this one,” Kurt pointed to a bra that already had fake breasts built inside of it. “It's feminine, but understated. It'll fit well under the tops you picked out. I don't think you'd look so wonderful with really, really big ones.”

She agrees, and after their internet shopping trip finishes they head upstairs to make dinner. Vanessa changes out of her dress, not wanting to ruin it, and into some sweats and a baggy t-shirt. Kurt makes them chicken quesadillas for dinner, then they sit in the living room and watch Disney movies. Finn's only seen the older Disney movies, like _Peter Pan_ and _Dumbo_ and _he Fox and the Hound_ because Carol had declared Finn 'too old' for Disney movies after he was ten, so Kurt puts on _The Emperor's New Groove_ since Kurt has never seen it before, and they sit back. Kurt notices partway through the movie that Finn keeps scratching at her leg.

“Vanessa, is your leg okay?”

“I shaved them, and I think I got razor burn,” she grimaces.

“What kind of razor did you use?” Kurt asks.

“One of the orange ones,” Vanessa replies, “Was that wrong?”

“They have better ones now that are specifically designed for legs and armpits. Also, you should put lotion on your skin whenever you shave it. We can go shopping tomorrow and get you some.”

“Thanks,” she says.

“No problem,” Kurt says, “Skincare is kinda my thing.”

“Not just the skin. You're being so cool about all of this. I don't think I'd have the guts to go through all of this without you. I'd never even be able to say, 'I'm a girl' out loud without you. And I don't deserve your kindness, not after I called you a fag and treated you like dirt for so many years.”

“I get it better now,” Kurt replies. “I understand why you freaked at the idea that I had a crush on you, and I get that you thought you were just doing what was expected of you like always. I forgive you for all of that Finn...Vanessa. Although, it's Finn I have to forgive, and apologize to for coming on so strong at first. Vanessa's never done anything to me. So, clean slate. Vanessa's going to be the coolest sister ever.”

Vanessa beams at him, and in that instant it's easy to see the girl under the surface, now that he knows to look for her. He keeps thinking of that awful moment when he saw Finn in his bedroom, and saw just how much she hated her body. That image won't leave his head, and it breaks Kurt's heart. Nobody should hate theirself so much. Kurt makes a promise to himself right then to do whatever he can to make Vanessa's life easier.

******

They go shopping and Kurt goes a little crazy. Now that Vanessa has asked Kurt to help her feel more girly, physically, Kurt buys all sorts of lotions and make-up and products and other things. Vanessa just sort of goes with it, letting Kurt take charge. Usually when Finn goes to the mall, it's with Carol for school things, where Carol complains that Finn has gotten taller, yet again, and she has to buy him all new jeans. But Kurt isn't like Carol at all when it comes to shopping. He definitely doesn't push Finn to buy masculine things. As they walk through the mall, they pass the wig shop, and Finn stops and looks at the wigs in in the window.

“Do you want to go inside?” Kurt asks. Finn looks around quickly, making sure he doesn't see anyone he knows nearby before going inside the wig shop. Kurt has a few wigs at home, for plays and costumes, and Finn has the ones he wore for the Hair number and the KISS number, but he doesn't have any really feminine wigs. “Come on, Nessa, there's somebody I want you to meet.”

Her eyes widen a little. Kurt just used her girl name in public. What if somebody from school overheard them, and told everyone Finn was a girl? She wanted people to know, eventually. But not yet. Not until she looks like a girl. Nobody would believe her right now. Not while she still looks like Frankenteen. But Kurt grabs her hand and pulled her toward the cash register, where there was a tall, pretty woman with big earrings, bright make-up, and a sparkly dress that looked a little like the old Glee costumes. Vanessa looks closely and notices the woman's adam's apple, and the slight masculine edge to her facial features.

“CeeCee, I'd like you to meet someone. This is my sister, Vanessa,” Kurt says in a low voice. “Nessa, this is CeeCee. She runs this place.”

“Hi, Sugar,” CeeCee holds out her hand to shake Vanessa's and shows off her beautifully manicured nails. They're so long and sparkly and pretty. Then Vanessa notices for the first time, that CeeCee is almost as tall as she is.

“Hi,” Finn says awkwardly. He's never met a drag queen before, but she seems nice.

“CeeCee, Vanessa just bought some dresses yesterday, but she doesn't have any nice hair to go with them. I thought you could help her come up with some nice wigs,” Kurt said.

“Of course I can,” CeeCee says. “Come with me Sugar.”

“Fi—Vanessa, I'm going to go get a pretzel, do you want one?”

“Sure,” Vanessa says, she's a little nervous about being left alone with someone she's just met, but Kurt trusts CeeCee, and Kurt is a good brother.

“So, Sugar, do you want dark hair or light hair?” CeeCee asks.

“I don't know,” Vanessa replies honestly. “Brown? Not very dark though, lighter. Or maybe blonde?”

“I think you'd look good in a rich honey blonde. I have a couple here that would be great for your skin tone.”

“Okay,” Vanessa says “I don't really know what I'm doing. This is all very new.”

“You haven't been out long, have you?” CeeCee asks

“I'm not out,” Vanessa said. “Kurt's the only one who knows I'm a girl. He's being so awesome. I couldn't have asked for a better brother. He's taking me to a trans group tomorrow.”

“In Toledo?” CeeCee asks. Vanessa nodded. “I'll be there. Don't be nervous. Nobody cares what you look like or anything. If you feel like a girl, you're a girl.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa says. “I wish I was as brave as Kurt. He told everyone he was gay, and he walks down the hall, not caring that everyone knows he's different.”

“When you're out of high school, it won't be quite as scary,” CeeCee promises.

“Does it get easier?” Vanessa asks, fingering a beautiful long wig with a slight wave to it.

“Absolutely. I'm not saying it's all kittens and rainbows, but once everyone knows, once you start wearing what you want to wear, and start being yourself, people get used to it,” CeeCee says.

“How tall are you?” Vanessa asks.

“I am six foot one, and I still wear inch heels,” CeeCee says proudly. “Don't let your height get you down, Vanessa. You are beautiful.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa says, smiling slightly.

“Your body doesn't have to be a cage, Vanessa. Turn it into an amusement park,” CeeCee grins, and gives Vanessa a kiss on he cheek.

Vanessa smiles at CeeCee before picking out three wigs. The wavy, long, honey blonde wig, a shoulder-length caramel-colored one, and a straight black one that reminds Finn of Santana's hair when it's straight and down. It has triangle bangs, like that goth girl on NCIS. The wigs cost a fair bit, but she decides it was worth it. CeeCee gives Vanessa her cell number in case she ever needed to talk, and she and Kurt went home.

*****

Saturday evening, Vanessa and Kurt sit on the floor together. Kurt was going to town, giving Vanessa a pedicure, and painting her toenails a pretty pink color. Vanessa wanted her fingernails painted too, but she was scared somebody at school would see. So for now, they were sticking to the toes. Kurt had also given Vanessa a facial and washed her hair. Even though they were just watching TV, Vanessa was wearing one of her wigs, it made her feel pretty. Vanessa felt a little bit of pride when she learned her feet were smaller than Kurt's.

“Kurt,” Vanessa starts, “Have you ever kissed a boy?”

“Yes,” Kurt said. “A few times. Though the first one doesn't count. But Blaine and I have been on a few dates. We're not dating officially yet, but on the last couple of dates we've kissed. It was really nice.”

“What was the first one?” Vanessa asks, and Kurt gets quiet.

“You can't tell anyone, okay?” Kurt says.

“Okay,” Vanessa agrees.

“In the fall, after Karofsky was bullying me, I got in his face and asked him what his problem was, yelling at him. I thought he was going to hit me, but instead, he kissed me. That's why he threatened me. He said that if I told anyone he'd kill me.”

“He's gay?” Finn asks, shocked and angry. “ _That's_ why he beat you up and called you a fag and did all those horrible things? I'm going to kick his ass.”

“Just leave it alone, Finn. He's scared and he hates himself for being gay.”

“I think you need to get in his face, tell everyone, it's not okay,” Finn says.

“Think about it. How would you feel if I went to McKinley and told everyone you were a girl, before you were ready for people to know? It wouldn't be fair to out him. I'm not going to let him get away with terrifying me anymore, but I'm also not going to ruin his life. He'll come out when he's ready,” Kurt says.

“I'm not ready to tell people,” Vanessa says.

“What about Dad and your mom?” Kurt asks.

“Not yet. After my stuff comes in the mail, and I can look like me.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Kurt smiles. “Can I help you with your make-up?”

“Okay,” Vanessa smiles back. “So, with Karofsky it was a bad kiss, but with Blaine it's better?”

“Yes,” Kurt says. “So much nicer than with Brittany. He's strong, and he smells like cologne and aftershave, not perfume. Kissing boys is nice.”

Vanessa doesn't say anything, but had a hopeful look on her face. Kurt recognizes that look from when he used to think about kissing Finn, or other boys.

“Are there any boys you want to kiss?” Kurt asks.

“You can't tell anyone,” Vanessa says.

“Promise. I'll take the secret to my grave,” Kurt promises.

“Puck,” Vanessa says in a tiny voice. “I like Puck.”

“I can see it,” Kurt says. “I don't have any interest in him, but I can see why you do. Can I ask you a personal question?”

“Sure.”

“Do you like kissing girls? Like Quinn and Rachel?”

“I care about both of them. And I do enjoy kissing them,” Finn says, “And cuddling. It's very nice. I liked making out with Rachel a lot except...”

“Except?” Kurt asked

“I don't like getting turned on,” Vanessa says in a quiet voice that's practically a whisper. “It can feel good, in my body. The nerves or whatever work. But I hate _it_. I don't want it. I never wanted it. It's not mine.”

Kurt nods. He can't really empathize, but he can sympathize. He changes the subject, and when Finn's toenails dry, he sets up the DDR pads and they play _High School Musical 3 DANCE!_ and Kurt doesn't bat an eye when Finn picks Sharpay as his avatar. Kurt likes playing as Ryan anyway. They spend the rest of the night playing video games.

*****

Vanessa is practically shaking when Kurt pulls up to the place the trans group is in. She's wearing her boy clothes, because her girl clothes haven't come in the mail yet. But it doesn't matter that she looks like a boy right now. She's about to go into a whole building full of people like her, and Kurt is going to keep her company. Kurt watches Vanessa, he can tell she's scared, but also excited.

“Come on, Nessa,” he says, “let's go inside.” He rests his hand on Vanessa's arm to comfort her as they enter the unfamiliar situation. Kurt spots CeeCee right away, and she flocks over, greeting them. In the corner of the room, Kurt sees someone he recognizes from Dalton Academy, one of the kids from the LGBT alliance on campus, Liam. Kurt waves and his classmate walks over.

“Kurt,” Liam says. “Hi!”

“I almost didn't recognize you in a dress, you look very pretty, Liam.”

“Lisa,” she corrects him. “I didn't know you were trans, you never said.”

“I'm not. Lisa, this is my sister Vanessa,” Kurt introduces.

“It's nice to meet you, Vanessa,” Lisa holds her hand out, and Vanessa shakes it.

“How do you know each other?” Vanessa asks.

“We're both in the LGBT alliance at Dalton,” Kurt said.

“They let you go to Dalton?” Finn asks.

“Yeah,” Lisa said. “I'm the only transgirl at Dalton right now. I have to wear the uniform, like all the boys, but the zero tolerance policy is nice. Nobody's allowed to bully me.”

“That sounds nice,” Vanessa smiles.

“Alright, we're going to be breaking up into groups soon. The boys meet over there, us girls meet in that room, and the family and friends meet back there. After the group sessions, we'll all come back in here for pizza and hanging out.” CeeCee directs, and Kurt can't help but smile at the way Vanessa's face lights up at being referred to as one of 'us girls.'

Kurt follows CeeCee's pointing finger to where the partners and families meet. He is clearly the youngest person in the group, since it's mostly parents, and partners of older trans people, but he pays careful attention, learning names when he's introduced to people. Everyone circles up, and people started talking. A couple of parents talked about fighting with insurance companies to agree to pay for surgery, or fighting with school administrators to treat their children like their chosen sex at school. At one point, one of the older men looks at Kurt.

“Would you like to talk about anything?”

“I,” Kurt pauses, “I just keep thinking about how weird my life has been lately. A year and a half ago, I was one of the more bullied kids at my public school. I'm gay, effeminate, and my voice has never dropped, so I was always a good target for the bullying. But one boy, the star quarterback, was a little nicer to me than the others. He'd let me take off my designer jacket before throwing me in the dumpster. Anyway, he eventually joined the glee club with me, and I had a crush on him for a while, but he was never comfortable with my sexuality. I didn't know why at the time, of course, so I just thought he was homophobic. Then all this stuff starts happening. His mom and my dad started dating, and he became my step-brother back in November. And then over Christmas vacation, he tells me he's really a girl, in his head. So the boy who used to throw me in the garbage is now my sister. It's thoroughly fucked up.”

“That is a little bizarre,” a woman says, and a few people chuckle lightly.

“Has she told your parents yet?” the first man, who Kurt remembers is named Craig, asks.

“No. I mean, I don't think my dad will have any problem with it. He doesn't have any problem with me being gay, and I know I was effeminate enough as a small child that he wondered at times if I was trans. Apparently the only think I wanted when I was three was a pair of sensible heels,” Kurt says, and people laugh, but there's no animosity behind he laughter.

“So I think my dad's going to be fine. He'll love both of us no matter what. Finn—I mean, Vanessa, sorry, still getting used to that—“ Kurt corrects himself and the others smile and nod, slipping up on names and pronouns is something they're all familiar with. “Is scared of what her mom is going to say. Vanessa's dad died when she was a baby, so her whole life Carol has told her 'you're the man of the house,' and encouraged her to take after her father. She's the star football player, and was the star of the basketball team until she quit last week. And she plays baseball too. Carol always buys Finn the most masculine clothes, and pushes him to date pretty girls.”

“That's pretty common,” Craig says. “I mean, when Vanessa was little, your step-mom probably saw some early signs that she wasn't conforming to heteronormative gender roles. I'm guessing she pushed hard enough for Vanessa to conform that she did, completely repressing her feminine instincts and over-compensating by being the star athlete and a bully.”

“That sounds about right,” Kurt says. “But now that Vanessa's figuring out who she is, I hate leaving her behind at public school. After one of the bullies escalated to sexual harassment, and threatened to kill me, my parents sent me to a private school with a zero-tolerance anti-bullying policy. And Vanessa's still back at a school where people—including faculty members—call her 'Frankenteen' for being so tall and throw things at the unpopular kids.”

Kurt listens as some of the parents try to solve his problems. He mentions at one point that he goes to Dalton and he meets Lisa's mom, who seems very nice. It's nice to talk about himself and about Finn without having to keep secrets, or be afraid of negative reactions. The partner of one of the older trans men is a lawyer, and offers to help Kurt out if he wants to confront the school about the bullying. When the separate groups break up and and they head back into the common room for pizza and mingling, Kurt feels like a weight has been lifted from him.

“You must be the amazing Kurt,” a girl says to him as she walks over.

“Hmm?”

“Well, from the way your sister gushed about you, I expected you to be made from gold or something. I'm Allie,” she shakes Kurt's hand.

“She talked about me?” Kurt asks, surprised. He would have expected Vanessa to just talk about herself.

“Yeah. She practically gushed. You're her hero, man,” Allie says, grinning. Kurt blushes. He's never been called a hero before. He makes his way over to Vanessa and they partake of pizza and talk to people. Vanessa exchanges phone numbers with a bunch of people before they leave. CeeCee gives her the phone number of a really good doctor after she mentions that she's afraid of the doctor, because she hates her body. This doctor apparently treats half of the trans people in Ohio. Kurt is grinning at how happy Vanessa looks as they climb back into the Navigator.

“I want to tell them,” she says. “But I want my clothes first, and I want you to be there. When can you come home again?”

“Well, I have stuff planned the next two weekends, with studying and he Warblers, but I can come home in three weeks, if your stuff is here,” Kurt says.

“Okay,” Vanessa says. “If everything goes well, I'll tell Mom and Burt in three weeks.”

Kurt knows it's not safe to take his hands off the wheel, but he moves his hand anyway, and gives Vanessa's hand a little squeeze as they drive back to Lima.

*End chapter 2*


	3. The Purpose of Family is to Love You Unconditionally and Always

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Want to hear Blaine sing 'Reflection'? It's right here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eddcq90oXYg
> 
> I am really overwhelmed by the outpouring of love I've got over this story. I've posted it here and at a few places on LJ and everyone seems to love it. Thank you for being so kind! This is far from being the best story ever, but I am putting a lot of work into it, so, in the immortal words of Eyeore, thank you for noticing!

**  
_They camee! My cloths & underwares & stuff! :DDD –V_   
**

The text makes Kurt smile when he gets it during study period. After meeting Lisa at the group in Toledo, Kurt's been trying to spend more time with her at Dalton, even outside of the LGBTA, to get to know her a little better.

“What's making you grin like that?” Lisa asks.

“Vanessa. Her girl clothes were delivered. She's excited,” Kurt smiles. “She's thinking of coming out to our parents this weekend now that she has her new clothes.”

“Tell her I said good luck. She can do it,” Lisa says.

Kurt takes a minute to really look at Lisa. She's wearing the Dalton uniform like all the boys, though she wore it a little baggy, and Kurt can see the slight indentations her breasts made under the shirt. Kurt doesn't know if they're real or fake, but it's not his place to ask. And she holds her chin-length hair back with a sparkly headband. People often give Lisa some strange looks, and most of the teachers insisted on calling her Liam in class, but nobody is allowed to hurt her or insult her—at least not to her face—which is definitely an improvement over her old school.

Kurt and Lisa slip into conversation about something, laughing here and there and just enjoy one another's company. They're sitting next to each other in the study hall room, talking about this and that, and Kurt's is quick to tell Lisa about how Blaine finally asked him out, and they're officially boyfriends. Lisa actually has boifriend from the trans group, Tracy, who's genderqueer and is a senior at another school. They're talking about their boyfriends when Blaine shows up, and stands next to Kurt, placing a hand on Kurt's back.

“Hey!” Kurt says, standing to hug Blaine quickly. The school code says they're not allowed to engage in any PDAs apart from hugs and handshakes while on campus, so Kurt settles for the hug. “Speak of the devil!”

“Hey Kurt, Liam,” Blaine nods to both of them, and Kurt watches Lisa's face wrinkle. “You were talking about me?”

“Wouldn't you like to know,” Kurt teases.

“Well, I wanted to know if you wanted to go into town for a coffee since we're both done with classes for the day,” Blaine says.

“Sure,” Kurt smiles He rests his hand on Blaine's shoulder and says goodbye to Lisa. She nods and turns back to her cell phone, to text Tracy.

“What were you and Liam talking about?” Blaine asked.

“Lisa,” Kurt says, “She likes to be called Lisa.”

“But his legal name is Liam. It's what the teachers call him,” Blaine protests. Blaine has always been a big stickler for following rules, for as long as Kurt has known him.

“Honestly, Blaine, I thought you were more open-minded than that. It's appropriate to call people by the pronouns they want used. Lisa feels like a girl. You seem kind of cranky, is something wrong?”

“Yeah, I come to meet my boyfriend and he's flirting with somebody else,” Blaine grumbles.

“Flirting? You thought I was _flirting_ with Lisa?”

“He is cute, and you were being all smiley and giggly. I got jealous,” Blaine looks at his feet like it's painful for him to admit this. “To see you looking so happy with Lia—Lisa. Plus I just remembered that you're going back to Lima _again_ this weekend, which means I can't take you out.”

“Be careful, Blaine, you're acting a little Edward Cullenish,” Kurt teases lightly, earning a dirty look from Blaine. Blaine _hates_ Twilight. “Listen, I have absolutely no interest in Lisa—or Liam—at all. Promise. We are nothing more than friends. Lisa is a _girl_ and in case you forgot, I like men,” Kurt punctuates the word 'men' by squeezing Blaine's shoulder. “More specifically, I like you, a lot. So you just have to trust that I'm going to have other friends, some will be gay or straight or boys or girls, but the only one I'm interested in being with is _you_.” Somehow, Kurt manages to time his rant so that they cross off the campus boundary line just then, and he leans in to kiss Blaine. They kiss quickly, and link hands, now that they're off campus.

“Okay, okay, I'm being silly, I know,” Blaine says. “But I think I'm a little paranoid. I had a crush on you the minute I met you, and the fact that before I could step in and woo you properly Karofsky got in my way and kissed you still bugs me. I'll behave, promise.”

“Karofsky basically assaulted me, Blaine. You're a total gentleman. Lisa and I are friends. She's helping me understand some stuff, and I like talking with her. But I'm not attracted to her, and even if I was, she has a boifriend.”

While they walk, Kurt quickly texts Finn's cell phone.

 **Can I tell Blaine about Vanessa? He'll keep it a secret if I ask.--K**

“She does?” Blaine asks, surprised.

“Yeah, somebody named Tracy. I think I met him for, like, a minute,” Kurt says. His iPhone buzzes as they walk.

 **K. Baby steps, right?--V**

 **Right.--K**

“Who are you texting?” Blaine asks.

“Finn,” Kurt says.

“So, what were you and Lia—Lisa talking about?”

“Some different stuff. Okay, somebody close to me just came out to me as transgender, and Lisa's helping me understand her better. We went to a trans support group a couple weeks ago and I bumped into Lisa there. That's why we've been talking more. It's not that I was trying to keep secrets from you or anything, it's just that it's not my secret to tell.”

“Can I ask who?” Blaine asks

“Finn, my step-brother. No, my step-sister,” Kurt corrects himself.

“Finn? Really? Tall, muscular, hunky Finn?” Blaine is shocked.

“I was surprised at first too,” Kurt said.

“I always thought that transgirls were usually small and feminine already,” Blaine admits, “Like Lisa.”

“Lisa's been out for years,” Kurt says, “She was telling me the other day. She was on hormone blockers before she hit puberty, and she's doing hormone therapy now. Vanessa, which is the name Finn picked for herself, was encouraged to 'be a man' her whole life. Puberty hit her hard.”

“That kinda sucks,” Blaine says.

“It sucks a lot,” Kurt adds. “I can hardly believe how much Finn hates his body. Anyway, that's why I keep going home whenever I can. She really needs a brother right now. She hasn't told our family or any of our friends yet. But she _really_ wants to start transitioning. Or at the very least start dressing like a girl. I'm going home this weekend to be moral support when she comes out to our parents.”

“I understand,” Blaine said. “I'm sorry I was so pushy about you staying for the weekends. I remember how scary coming out was, he needs you, I understand.”

“She wants to meet you, like, officially, not just from a distance at Sectionals. Probably not this weekend, but maybe next weekend.”

 **I almost told Rachel. We're gunna hav dinner and she wants 2 know why I puled away. Should I tell her?--V**

“Oh dear,” Kurt says. “Finn and Rachel are hanging out and I think he's going to come out to her.”

“Do you need to go out there? Curfew's, like 7 hours away. We could drive fast and be there for a bit before we'd have to come back,” Blaine offers.

“You don't mind?” Kurt asks.

“Not at all. We can walk back to your Navigator and head out now.”

 **If you want to tell her, do it. Do you want me to drive back to Lima?--K**

 **Can you?--V**

 **We can be there in an hour and a half if we speed like mofos. Blaine's coming 2, he wants 2 meet u—K**

 **I'm at Rach's—V”**

“Are we driving to Lima?” Blaine asks.

“Yes,” Kurt says as he turns around. “Rachel has two gay dads, she's grown up in the gay community, so she's probably met trans people before. But this is Finn. They're so wrapped up in each other all the time, that I'm not sure how she's going to take it.”

“I understand,” Blaine says. “He doesn't mind me tagging along?”

“No,” Kurt answers, not bothering to correct Blaine's pronoun. He's too worried. The pronoun shifts will happen eventually.

In the car, Kurt's phone starts ringing, and he asks Blaine to answer it for him.

“Hi, this is Blaine, Kurt's driving.”

“It's Finn,” the other voice said. “Can you put me on speaker, or hold it to his ear or something?”

“Okay, it's on speaker,” Blaine says.

“Kurt, I told her,” Vanessa says through the phone.

“How did she react?” Kurt asks.

“Not so good. She stormed up to her bedroom and slammed the room. One of her dads went up to talk to her,” Vanessa sniffled a little.

“Are you alone?” Kurt asks.

“No. The other Mr. Berry is sitting with me. They said they were proud of me for being honest,” she sniffles some more, “And Mr. Berry is going to try and get Rachel to come talk to me. I do still love her, Kurt, I know that, I just don't have the rest of it figured out yet.”

“I'd suggest singing to her,” Kurt says, “But I don't really know a song for the occasion.”

“ _Reflection_ from Mulan,” Blaine suggests automatically. “Lisa did it for the talent show last year. Do you know it?”

“No,” Finn says, her voice hitching as she sniffles again. She'd not sobbing heavily, but it's clear she o

“It goes like this,” Blaine says, before taking a deep breath, then singing.

 _“Look at me  
I will never pass for a perfect bride  
Or a perfect daughter  
Can it be  
I'm not meant to play this part?  
Now I see  
That if I were truly to be myself  
I would break my family's heart_

 _Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight  
Back at me?  
Why is my reflection someone  
I don't know?  
Somehow I cannot hide  
Who I am  
Though I've tried  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?”_ Blaine sings, and Kurt is distracted by Blaine's voice, but concentrates on driving. He's getting close to Lima. That really is a perfect song for Finn.

“The pop version has different lyrics,” Blaine continues, and Kurt figures out that Blaine is trying to distract Finn until Kurt gets there, and he's very proud of his boyfriend for his quick thinking. “It goes like this:  
 _Look at me  
You may think you see  
Who I really am  
But you’ll never know me  
Every day, is as if I play apart  
Now I see  
If I wear a mask  
I can fool the world  
But I can not fool  
My heart  
Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
I am now  
In a world where I have to  
Hide my heart  
And what I believe in  
But somehow  
I will show the world  
What’s inside my heart  
And be loved for who I am  
Who is that girl I see  
Staring straight back at me?  
Why is my reflection  
Someone I don’t know?  
Must I pretend that I'm  
Someone else for all time?  
When will my reflection show  
Who I am inside?  
There’s a heart that must  
Be free to fly  
That burns with a need  
To know the reason why  
Why must we all conceal  
What we think  
How we feel  
Must there be a secret me  
I’m forced to hide?  
I won’t pretend that I’m  
Someone else  
For all time  
When will my reflections show  
Who I am inside?  
When will my reflections show  
Who I am inside?_” Blaine finishes the song and waits for a response.

“That's kind of perfect,” Finn says through the phone. “I think I'm going to like you, Blaine, so long as you treat my big brother well.”

“Kurt's the big brother?” Blaine asked, surprised.

“I'm two months older,” Kurt says. “Nessa, we'll be there soon. I need to concentrate on driving, but you can talk to Blaine if you'd like.”

Blaine talks to Vanessa on Kurt's phone while Kurt drives through Lima, looking for Rachel's house. He finds it and pulls into the driveway. Blaine tells Finn they're there and Mr. Berry comes to greet them.  
Kurt follows Mr Berry—who Kurt has to stop from calling 'the black Mr. Berry' in his head, because he doesn't know Rachel's dads' first names and that's seriously how he differentiates them, even though it's a little racist—into the living room and sits down on the couch next to Finn. He reaches out to put his arms around her, and the reaction is almost instantaneous. Finn leans into Kurt's hug, then shifts so that her head is laying in Kurt's lap. Kurt gently strokes Finn's hair with one hand, and rubs her back with the other, letting her cry in his lap.

“It's gonna be okay, Nessa, it's gonna be okay. I love you, we all care about you, and I bet Rachel still loves you too, she's just startled. From one diva remarking on another, give her some time and she'll come down.” Kurt holds his little sister. He's fallen into the big brother role seamlessly. He knows that he needs to protect Vanessa.

“Everything's going to be okay, Nessa. Trust me.”

“Nessa?” Rachel says quietly. “Like from Wicked.”

“That's my nickname for her,” Kurt said. “You can call her Vanessa, it's the name she chose.”

“Vanessa?” Rachel repeats. “I like it.” She notices Blaine sitting awkwardly in the corner, still in his Dalton uniform. “You're the lead soloist from Dalton, aren't you?”

“Blaine Anderson,” he says, offering Rachel his hand. “Also Kurt's boyfriend.” Blaine smiles.

“Rachel Berry,” she says, taking his hand, before walking back over to the couch and sitting on the floor at Kurt's feet. She leaned over so that her face was near Finn's.

“Vanessa?” she says slowly. “I'm sorry I ran away. I don't mind if you're a girl, but you know how self-absorbed I can be. All I could think was, 'if I love a transgirl, does that make me a lesbian?' Not that there's anything wrong with being a lesbian, but I've always been very sure of myself, as far as my orientation goes. So I kinda panicked.”

“Princess,” Leroy Berry says from behind the couch, “You know better than to think in black and white terms like that. We've always taught you that sexuality is fluid. It's perfectly acceptable to be on the middle of the Kinsey scale.”

“I know, Papa, I'm sorry. It was very self-centered of me to react so badly, Fi—Vanessa. It's not all about me, I know that. I don't hate you, I promise.”

“I still love you, Rachel,” Vanessa said. “Only now, if you wanted to give us another shot, it could maybe be better, because I'm not lying to myself anymore. I could never be honest with you, before I was honest with myself. You always wanted me to be honest.”

“Are you a lesbian?” Rachel asks.

“I don't think so,” Vanessa says. “I like boys too. I think I might be bisexual or what's the other one, Kurt? The one that sounds like cooking?”

“Pansexual?” Kurt asks.

“Yeah,” Finn says. “That one. Rach, can we go out in the backyard for a bit, or something? Just to talk?”

“A better idea,” Leroy says. “Let's everyone go into the kitchen and have some tea.”

“Okay,” Kurt says.

“Can you stay, Kurt?” Vanessa asks. “You know most of what I want to say to Rachel anyway, and it makes me feel safer with you here.”

“Okay,” Kurt says, waving at Blaine as he follo9ws the two Mr. Berrys into the kitchen.

“Rachel, when I broke up with you, because you kissed Puck. It wasn't because you cheated on me. It was because you cheated on me with Puck. Just like Quinn did. And when you said you did it to make me jealous, it worked, because I was jealous of both of you.”

“Oh,” Rachel says. “OH. You mean you like Puck? Like, romantically?”

Vanessa nods. “Since we were four. I didn't know what any of it meant back then, and I bet Puck doesn't even remember now, but we used to play house, the way little kids do, and I was always the Mommy, and he was always the Daddy. Of course, my mom always pushed so hard for me to act like a boy. Told me I had to be like my Dad. She's always so proud that I look like him. But for my whole life I was all she had, and I didn't want to disappoint her.”

“So, you have a crush on Puck, but you still love me?” Rachel asks for confirmation.

“Yeah. I do. At least, I think I do. But I can't be your boyfriend, Rachel, because I'm not a boy. But I could be your girlfriend if you wanted to let me.”

“I could maybe try that and see if it works,” Rachel says. “You still find me attractive, then?”

“I do,” Vanessa says, and looks up at Kurt, who nods.

“I don't think she'll freak out if you tell her about the sex stuff, Nessa,” Kurt says.

“Sex freaks me the hell out,” Vanessa says. “Like, I find you attractive, and you totally turn me on, but that's also a problem. Because I hate this body so much. It doesn't feel like it's _mine_. I don't know if I want to have sex with it, or let anyone else touch it. Does that make any sense?”

“I think so. Was the kissing alright, though?” she asks.

“I like kissing you. But sometimes I might need to stop and do something else if I get too freaked out.”

“Okay,” Rachel says.

“This weekend, Kurt's going to come home and help me get all dressed up pretty. Do you want to come over,” Vanessa asks tentatively.

“Sure,” Rachel says. “Do you need help getting feminine clothes?”

“Don't you dare inflict my sister with your fashion sense, Rachel Berry. If Vanessa needs any help buying clothes, I will provide it.”

“But she's my girlfriend,” Rachel protests.

“Then you should let me make you over too,” Kurt says.

“My stuff came in the mail. I'm so excited to try it on,” Vanessa says.

“If you wanted, we could all go to our house and you could show Rachel the clothes we picked out. We can maybe even dress you up tonight.”

“Okay,” Finn says.

“Let me go get Blaine, and we can drive home,” Kurt says. He goes into the kitchen and finds Blaine. He fills the three men in on the plan, then pulls Blaine out to the living room, where Vanessa and Rachel are hugging. “Let's go home and dress you up.”

*****

Vanessa looks so much more comfortable dressed as a girl, Kurt decides. Rachel and Blaine fiddle around in the kitchen while Kurt awkwardly helps Vanessa with the gaff, a skill he only knows from having worn one once for a costume. But once she gets her underwear on and puts on one of the dresses they ordered, her whole body language changes. Rachel and Blaine come down to the bedroom and sit on Kurt's bed while Kurt does Vanessa's make-up, her long, honey-blonde wig on her head.

“I think you should wear a silk scarf,” Blaine suggests. “Kurt has one hanging over there that would match your dress perfectly. And if you wrap it around your neck, I will cover your Adam's apple.”

“That's a really good idea,” Kurt says. “That scarf would look fabulous with the dress.”

“You look beautiful,” Rachel says.

“She's right,” Blaine said. “But it's more than a physical thing. Beauty comes from confidence, and you look a lot more confident like this.”

“I feel more like me,” Vanessa says.

“Kurt? Are you down here? Your car's in he driveway,” Burt's voice calls from the stairs as he walks down into Kurt's bedroom.

“Yeah Dad, I just came home for he afternoon. I'll be back in the dorms by curfew.”

“Okay,” Burt says. “Why is Finn dressed like a girl?”

“You can do it,” Kurt whispers in Vanessa's ear, and squeezes her shoulder.

“I'm dressed like a girl, because I am a girl,” Vanessa says, taking a deep breath. “Burt, I'm transgender. I'm a girl trapped in a boy's body.”

Burt doesn't say anything for a few moments, giving Rachel the time to walk over and tuck herself possessively under Vanessa's arm. It the first time she's ever done this while Vanessa's wearing her boobs, and Rachel finds she can actually rest her head on Vanessa's right breast. It's kind of nice.

“Well, I can't say I saw this one coming,” Burt admits, “But if this is who you are, I love you anyway, and I'll support you like a parent should. I may not be your real dad, but I'll be as good a father to you as I can, Finn.”

“Vanessa,” Finn corrects. “And in a way, you're Vanessa's dad, even if you weren't Finn's.”

“Well, I always wanted a daughter,” Burt says. He looks a little uncomfortable, but they can see truth and love on his face.

“Welcome to the family, Vanessa,” Burt says awkwardly, giving Vanessa a hug. He's stiff at first, but then folds into the hug, setting her head on Burt's shoulder. For the first time in her life, she knows what it's like to be held by your Daddy, and it feels good.

******

Carol does not react as well as Burt at first. They tell her on Saturday, like they'd planned. Kurt comes home for the weekend and Rachel comes over and Kurt does Vanessa's make-up, giving her a tutorial on how to do it herself. At lunchtime, Vanessa walks through the living room, straight to where her mother is clipping coupons, with Rachel and Kurt flanking her.

“Mom, I have something to tell you,” Vanessa says.

“Okay. Is it why you're in that ridiculous get-up?” she wonders.

“It's not ridiculous, I think you look beautiful,” Rachel says defensively.

“Kind of. Mom,” Vanessa takes a deep breath. “I'm transgender, M.T.F., that means I'm a girl born in a boy's body. I'm not a boy, mom, I'm a girl.”

“No,” Carol says. “No, it's a phase. The doctors said it was a phase, you's grow out of it. It was because you didn't have a male role model, and if I put you in sports it would make you normal. It's just a phase.”

“It's not a phase, mom. I'm a girl,” Vanessa pleads.

“It's not a phase, Carol,” Kurt says, “We've got a whole bunch of books on the subject for you to read.”

Rachel offers Carol the stack of books she's carrying in her arms, but Carol barely notices.

“This is your fault,” she says to Kurt, “He buried all this girl nonsense years ago, and you talked him back into it!”

“Hey, Carol, come on, you're letting your shock get the best of you,” Buys said, coming up behind his wife.

“Mom, I know you wanted me to be like Dad, to be the man of the house and fill his shoes, but I can't do that. I'm not a man. I'm a girl. I'm a _girl_ ”

It happens before anyone can react. Before anyone knows what's happening, Carol's hand is out and she has slapped Vanessa across the face. Her eyes open wide as she realize what she's done. Kurt and Rachel both step forward, books falling to the ground as they put themselves between Vanessa and Carol. Carol's hand has already moved to cover her both as a look of horror spreads across her face.

“Rachel, Kurt, why don't the two of you take Vanessa down to Kurt's bedroom and watch a movie. Carol and I are going to have a talk after Carol calms down,” Burt sais in a voice full of authority and direction. Nobody dares doubt Burt as Kurt and Rachel lead Vanessa away, and Burt puts his hands on his wife's shoulders.

*****

Burt manages to calm Carol down. Rachel and Kurt hold Vanessa while she cries, then help her redo her make-up before they sit on Kurt's bed and watch a movie. They are halfway through _Chicago_ after watching both _RENT_ and _Sweeney Todd_ before Carol and Burt come down into the basement.

“Finn,” Carol says, “I'm really sorry I slapped you. There was no excuse for my behavior. I have to admit that I really don't like this, at least not right now. You will always be my little boy to me. But I love you no matter what, Finn, and I'm going to try to understand this thing you're going through.”

“What I'm going through, Mom, is that I hate my body. I have always hated my body. Do you realize that I used to cry when I went to the bathroom? When I had to change for sports? Every time I get an inch taller, and you complain that you have to buy me new jeans I lie in bed that night and I cry. Because I am a tall ugly freak. I am a girl trapped in a body that isn't mine. Do you know that when I brought Quinn home, pregnant, I knew it wasn't my baby, deep inside. I always knew. But I wanted her to be mine. But I didn't want to be her father, I wanted to be her mom. I loved Quinn for a time, and I love Rachel, but I dated Quinn because I wanted to _be_ Quinn. You need to understand this, Mom. You _need_ to understand this. I am a _girl._ ”

Carol is taken aback by Finn's fervor and intensity, so much that she starts to cry. She steps toward her child and wrapped her arms around her. Within in moments they're hugging each other and crying.

“I'm sorry. I'm sorry I never understood what it was. I'm so sorry, Baby. I'm so sorry, Finn.”

“Vanessa,” she says through tears, her face pressed into Carol's hair. “I want to be called Vanessa.”

“Va—“ Carol swallows, “Vanessa. I love you, I really do. And I'll try to accept this, but it's going to be hard.”

“You should definitely read the books,” Rachel supplies. “They're very helpful.”

“I think I will read the books,” Carol says.

“Me too,” Burt chimes in. “Although I've read at least one of them before. When Kurt was very young Kathy thought that Kurt might be transgender, and she made me read a bunch of books. You're not though, right?” he asks his son for confirmation.

“Nope, just gay” Kurt says. “But I'll tell you one thing. This gay boy definitely has the coolest little sister in the world.”

That's enough to break up some of the tension and set people laughing. When the crying fest has halted, Carol asks what people want for dinner, and they decide to order a bunch of Chinese food to be delivered, since nobody feels like cooking. Vanessa spends a little more time in the basement with her girlfriend and her brother, finishing _Chicago_ before they all go upstairs for Chinese food and board games.

*End Chapter 3*


	4. Aristotle Once Said, "A Friend is a Single Soul Dwelling in Two Bodies"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Notes: This story, is like an alien intelligence has taken over my body and is forcing it's way out through words. It's practically writing itself, and it's taken over my life to do so. Thank you all for being so receptive. I was afraid this story wouldn't be well-received, but so far I haven't gotten a single negative comment. (Have I just jinxed myself?)

Carol continues to come around. Kurt shows her suicide statistics for trans kids who aren't accepted by their parents and that does what he hoped it would. She'd much rather have a live daughter than a dead son. They have a couple of family meetings and decide, all together, that there family is going to be more involved in the LGBTQI community. Burt has a long phone call with Hiram Berry, who gives Burt the number and address of a couple of good gay and lesbian community centers that have different groups and activities, and both Burt and Carol join PPFLAG. They have two children who they both adore, and while neither of their children conform to heteronormative expectations, their family loves each other, and will be there for each other.

Vanessa goes to see the doctor who CeeCee recommended and Carol goes with her. She gets referred to a therapist who she will have to meet with once a week for six months before she's allowed to start hormone treatments. But if everything goes well, she'll be allowed to start them in August. On weekends, Vanessa dresses like a girl, and hangs out with Rachel and Kurt and sometimes Blaine. She even hangs out with Lisa sometimes, and CeeCee gives really good fashion tips for tall girls. But the weekends always end, and Finn has to go back to school.

At school, Finn has dropped out of all the sports teams with Carol's blessing. The only activity that Finn still goes to is glee club, which is a haven for her. All of the opening up that Vanessa has done at home hasn't helped Finn communicate at school. He follows Rachel around, letting her be his guard dog, his shield. She's practically the only one Finn still talks to regularly, not speaking up in class or even glee club. He never hangs out with Puck or Mike or Sam or Artie anymore, choosing to go straight home after school or glee club.

On a Friday in early April, about two weeks before Regionals, Finn is walking through the parking lot towards his truck. Lisa got a weekend pass to leave Dalton for the weekend, and she's coming down with Kurt to spend the whole weekend with them. Rachel and Blaine are coming over as well, and they're all going to give each other facials and watch movies and eat pizza and just hang out . Vanessa has a new wig she can't wait to show off. It's a dark auburn and curly, and goes down just past her shoulders. As she walks to the truck, Puck is suddenly there, leaning against the driver's door.

“What's up?” Finn asks.

“What's up? What's up is that you've been avoiding me for ages. You haven't hung out with any of the guys in weeks, so I'm kidnapping you for a guys' night.”

“No, Puck, I have plans,” Finn says.

“What? With Berry and Hummel? You spend _all_ your time with them lately! What could you possibly do with them that's more fun than hanging out with your bros?” Puck asks, the hint of a sneer on his face.

“I've been going through some personal stuff lately. Rachel and Kurt have been there for me. We're going to hang out and watch movies,” Finn answers.

“And braid your hair and talk about boys?” Puck teases. “God, Hudson, you are such a girl sometimes.”

“Thanks,” Finn says, refusing to hear it as the slur it was meant to be.

“What? Come on, bro, man up. I'm your _best friend_. You can't come hang out with me tonight?”

“Oh, you're my best friend?” Finn throws back at him. “Really? You're not very good at it. You never noticed that I fucking _hate myself_ and spent years wishing I was dead. You never noticed that I hated sports, and hated changing in the locker room, and hated everything about my body? You called me a girl like it was an insult, to try and get me to _be a man_ without caring that maybe I'm not! I can't take this anymore, Puck. I just can't. And maybe I'll lose you as a friend, but you need to know. I _am_ a girl. My body is a mistake. I'm a girl, in my head. And Kurt and Rachel have been helping me deal with that. If I've been avoiding you it's because you're Finn Hudson's best friend and I just _can't_ pretend to be Finn Hudson anymore! So take your stupid sexist, prejudiced ideas and get off my truck.” Vanessa pushes a stunned Noah Puckerman away from her truck and climbs into the cab. She turns on the ignition and pulls out, glancing in the rearview mirror once, to see Puck still standing there in his Letterman jacket, a stunned look on his face.

She feels liberated but also terrified. The entire school will probably know by Monday, especially if Puck tells Santana. She drives home fast, pulls into the driveway and practically runs into the house. Kurt's not home yet, Rachel hasn't come over yet, and all her parents are still at work. Now that she's out to her parents, she keeps her clothes in her own room instead of hiding them in Kurt's. She runs into her room, practically hyperventilating, stopping quickly to use the toilet. She can't deal with this, not in these clothes, not in this body. She finds her gaff, her tape and her breasts and locks her bedroom door. She can't get out of her boy clothes—her drag—fast enough. But when she's naked, she is vulnerable. She looks at herself in the mirror and refuses to cry. She hates her penis. Hates it with a passion. She remembers, when she was a child, she tried to tear it off. There's a small scar from where she'd cut it once. The pain stopped her from truly mutilating herself. But she hated her genitals. But she learned how to deal with it. Laying back on her bed, she carefully located her testicles and gently pushed them into her body. If she was careful, it didn't hurt. Then she gently put tape over her sac so they'd stay up. She had taken to shaving everywhere lately, and she was getting much better at it. Then she tucked back her penis and put on the gaff. Finally, she put her bra on backwards, fastened it, then spun it around.

She stood in front of the mirror. With her crotch smooth and her fake breasts on she felt a lot less anxious. Maybe someday her body would look like this for real, but in the meantime, she felt better just having her girl underwear on. She felt like herself, almost. She found a pair of hose and pulled them on gently. Rachel had showed her how to do it so she didn't get runs. She picked out a dark green dress in a very similar style to the one Tina had worn for the _Halo/Walking on Sunshine_ mash-up and pulled and pulled it on. Then she slid her feet into a pair of plain black Mary Janes with a small heel. She wasn't used to high heels yet. Then she sat down at the vanity that Kurt had got her, for all her make-up and wigs and things, and started doing her make-up. She was getting a lot better at this, over the past few months. Luckily her facial hair didn't grow very fast, so she wouldn't have to shave again until tomorrow, or even the next day. The one thing about her body she was happy for was that she'd never been cursed with a five o'clock shadow. The further she gets into her 'girl' routine the safer she feels. She slips on a wig cap and her new auburn wig and then puts on a headband the exact color of her dress. She doesn't have a lot of jewelry yet, but she has a necklace Rachel gave her. It's a simple gold chain, with a small pendant shaped like two interlocking hearts. She takes some of the perfume Rachel gave her and puts on a tiny amount. It's not the same perfume Rachel wears, but the two scents don't conflict, when they're together. It's a nice mixture.

When she feels like herself, she gets up, unlocks the door and goes down to the kitchen to get a snack. She's making herself a grilled cheese sandwich when Kurt, Blaine and Lisa show up. She gets a hug from Kurt and Lisa and a handshake from Blaine. Kurt goes straight for the fridge and offers Lisa and Blaine something to eat.

“Vanessa, I love your hair,” Lisa says. “Is it new?”

“Yeah,” she smiles. “It's more red than I usually go for, but I thought it worked well with this dress.”

“It does,” Lisa said. “Do you mind if I use your bathroom to change out of this hideous uniform?”

“Go ahead,” Kurt says, pointing towards the first floor bathroom.

“Cool,” Lisa says, taking her bag and heading towards the bathroom.

“How was school today, Nessa?” Kurt asks.

“I seriously fucked up,” Vanessa admits. “Puck tried to get me to go have a guys night with him and Mike and Sam and Artie and I told him I didn't want to. He got in my face about how I've been avoiding him, and it's not fair 'cause he's my best friend, then he called me a girl, but in a mean way. And I just sort of snapped.”

“Oh dear,” Kurt says. “Did you come out?”

“Yeah,” Vanessa says. “I kinda shouted at him about how I'm a girl and he's a lousy best friend for not noticing. Then I got in my truck and drove away. The whole school will probably find by Monday, if he tells Santana.”

“How did he take it?” Kurt asks.

“I didn't stay to find out,” she admits. “I did a Rachel-like storm-out.”

“Well, maybe you should call him later. He's probably confused,” Kurt says. “And I understand his concern. The two of you have been best friends since you were four, even when he knocked up your girlfriend you didn't stop talking to him for long. Now that you guys have made up, he's probably worried that you've been avoiding him.”

“He knocked up your girlfriend?” Blaine asks. “Your best friend?”

“My life is complicated. Both of my girlfriends have cheated on me with my best friend, who I've secretly been in love with since I was four. It's like a Jerry Springer episode,” Vanessa sighs before biting into her sandwich.

“Considering that you're a transgirl on top of it, it's _exactly_ like a Jerry Springer episode,” Blaine points out, and Vanessa nearly chokes, laughing while she tries to eat.

“You know,” Kurt says thoughtfully. “I need to spend some time with Mercedes soon. She probably thinks I've abandoned her, it's been so long since we hung out.”

“Kurt, you and Mercedes text between every class, Skype every evening and meet up almost every weekend, even when you're hanging with Vanessa. I don't think that friendship is going to fall apart any time soon,” Blaine points out. Blaine has been spending a lot of time with both Vanessa and Lisa lately, because of his relationship with Kurt, and is finally starting to see that the world isn't as black and white as he once saw it. Blaine discovered that he and Vanessa both have love of football. Vanessa hates playing most sports, but she still enjoys watching sports, and talking about them. Vanessa's glad she can sill share this with Burt as well. She was afraid that coming out as a girl would mean that the relationship Finn had been forming with Burt would crumble into dust. But it was still there, it was just changing. Vanessa was starting to develop some new, strong friendships, and because she was finally being truly honest about herself, these friendships felt more real.

“Hey, Blaine, could you help me with a project maybe?” Vanessa asks after finishing her sandwich.

“Depends on the project,” Blaine says honestly.

“Well, I found a song I'd love to sing—maybe the next time Mr. Schue gives us a solo assignment—but the song is a very hardcore goth/industrial metal song, and Kurt says you're really good at re-arranging songs for harmonies or single voices,” Vanessa says.

“You said that?” Blaine asks Kurt.

“It's true, isn't it?” Kurt counters.

“I guess. Thanks anyway,” Blaine walks over and kisses Kurt's cheek. “Sure, Fi—Vanessa. I'd love to help you. Well, I suppose as long as it's not a song you do at Regionals.”

“Sounds fair,” Vanessa says.

Lisa comes out of the bathroom looking like a different person. Instead of the androgynous teenager wearing a masculine uniform she is wearing a white cotton dress with a floral pattern and a pink sweater that perfectly matched the flowers on her dress. She wears a necklace that said “Lisa” and a headband the same shade of pink as her sweater, and she's touched up her make-up.

“I like that dress, Lisa,” Blaine says.

“Thanks,” she smiles back. “You know, you've been a lot nicer to me lately, than you used to be.”

“Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I didn't get it before, I just thought you were another gay boy, like me, and it bugged me that it seemed like you were expecting special treatment and stuff. Kurt made me read a bunch of books and articles about the differences between sex and sexuality and gender and stuff. I'm sorry I never really _got_ it before,” Blaine apologizes.

“I have to admit, you changed a lot faster than most people,” Lisa says. “My father still calls me Liam. In fact, the reason my parents divorced was because he didn't want to agree to the blockers.” She grimaces. “That would have sucked.”

“Yes,” Vanessa agrees, staring down at her plate. She wishes she had known what she was so many years ago. She wishes she had been on hormone blockers before puberty set in. But wishing doesn't fix anything. Neither does crying. She's going to therapy now, and hopefully in a few months she could start HRT. Lisa sees the anguish on Vanessa's face and gently rubs the back of Vanessa's hand in a comforting motion. The doorbell rights.

“It's probably Rachel,” Vanessa says, getting up to answer the door. She walks to the front door and opens it. It's not Rachel. Noah Puckerman is standing on the Hummel-Hudson's front step, a dime-store bouquet in his hands. Vanessa doesn't know what to do. “Puck? What are you doing here? Wait, did you seriously bring me _flowers_?”

“Yeah,” Puck says quietly. “You're supposed to bring flowers when you apologize to a girl, right? And you were, like, definitely insisting you were a girl. Which, I guess you are.” Puck looks at Finn wearing the green dress. “That's gonna take some getting used to.”

Vanessa sighs, then looks down at the ground. “Puck, come in.” She steps aside to let him in and closes the door behind him. While Puck's entering the house, Kurt, Blaine and Lisa come into the living room.

“Puck,” Kurt nods. “How are you?”

“A little confused, actually. I just got accused of being a lousy friend today. Now, granted,” Puck looks at Finn, “I haven't been the best friend in the world. I seriously fucked up with the Quinn thing, and with Rachel last winter. This teenager to grown-up relationship and love stuff is, like, hard, which I totally never got. But you accused me of something that wasn't true.”

“What?” Finn asks, trying not to show any fear.

“You said I never noticed. Finn, I always noticed. I noticed the way you look like you wanted to bolt out of your skin in the locker room. I noticed the way you always frown and bite your lip when you pass a mirror or a shiny surface. I notice the way you always get quiet when we're hanging around with the guys and talking about sex. And a million other things I noticed too,” Puck says, taking another step towards Finn.

“You noticed that?”

“Duh. I'm your best friend. But I didn't know what to say or do. So I just tried to distract you, talking about movies and Nintendo and stuff just so you wouldn't seem so sad all the time. And maybe I pushed you to pick on nerds like Ben Israel and preps like Hummel because I wanted you to feel like you belonged, like you were one of the guys. Obviously I didn't do it right, and I'm like, really sorry,” Puck says.

“Wait,” Kurt interjects, “The bullying wasn't because I was gay? You're not homophobic?”

“No,” Puck says seriously, “It was never about that. I don't care who you fuck, though I'm assuming it's pretty boy there,” he points to Blaine. “I only ever picked on you because you used to walk around in those fucking expensive clothes like you were so much better than everyone else, while I had to work two part-time jobs just to make sure my sister gets fed and the rent gets paid. It's not, like, a sex thing or anything, it's, like, a class thing.”

“Oh,” Kurt says quietly, and then shuts up because he shouldn't have interjected with his own issues when Puck's trying to make up with Vanessa and Vanessa looks like she's more confused than ever.

“You knew, that I was miserable?” Vanessa asks.

“Duh. You think this girl think surprises me?” Puck asks. “Did you really think I forgot?”

“Forgot, what?” Vanessa asks.

“Well, it looks like you forgot,” Puck takes another two steps closer to Finn, so they're only about two feet away from each other. “In kindergarten, we were playing house or something. And you said we should get married when we grew up. I said that boys couldn't get married, because one person had to be the mommy, and one had to be the daddy, remember?”

“Yeah,” Vanessa says, her voice low and quiet. “And I said that it didn't matter, because when we grew up, I'd be a girl and we'd get married.”

“Did you think I'd freak out and beat you up, when you started dressing like a girl?” Puck asks, a little hurt at the idea.

“I didn't know for sure,” Vanessa says.

“Well, I'll tell you for sure,” Puck says, standing up straight, “Because I'm looking at you now, dressed all fancy like a girl, and you look happier and stronger than you've looked since the _seventh fucking grade._ What kind of best friend would I be if I fucked with something like that?”

Vanessa stops herself for a minute, taking in everything Puck is saying, and then flings herself at him in a hug. Puck stands there awkwardly at first, not really knowing how to react. All their previous hugs have been “bro hugs” where they hug quickly and awkwardly and smack each other on the back while doing it. This time, Finn doesn't try to end the hug two seconds after starting it, and Puck eventually relaxes. Finn is holding him tight and shaking a little, and it takes Puck a few seconds to realize that Finn is crying on his shoulder.

Kurt's phone plays “Popular,” from Wicked really loudly. He answers it because he knows it's Rachel.

“Rachel? What's wrong?”

“I got a flat tire, and I don't know how to fix it.”

“Where are you?”

“Outside the health food store.”

“I'll be there in fifteen minutes. Do you have a spare tire?”

“Yes, in the trunk, but I don't know how to put it on.”

“I can do it,” Kurt promises. “I'll be right there.”

Kurt hangs up, and walks over to where Puck is still holding a crying Vanessa, patting her back in what was supposed to be a calming manner, though it was obvious Noah Puckerman didn't have a lot of experience in comforting crying girls. If Kurt's memory served him correctly, Puck usually ran when girls started crying.

“Nessa,” Kurt says, gently placing a hand on Vanessa; shoulder. “Rachel's car got a flat tire. I'm going to go and help her change it. We should be back in half an hour. Are you going to be okay here, with Puck and Blaine and Lisa?”

“I'll be okay,” Vanessa sniffled. “Go help Rachel.”

“You got it,” Kurt said. “I've just gotta change into coveralls so I don't ruin my Dalton uniform.” Kurt runs downstairs, quickly changes his clothes and goes out to his car. If Rachel doesn't have a jack and a tire iron, Kurt has both in his Navigator. As he walks past the four people in the living room he hears Puck ask.

“Hummel has coveralls? Really? And he knows how to change a tire?”

“Duh,” Vanessa sniffles. “He's a trained mechanic, didn't you know? His dad's been teaching him, like, his whole life.”

“I so would not have called that,” Puck replies, and then Kurt can't hear anything else because he's going to get Rachel.

*****

“Thank you Kurt,” Rachel says. “I didn't mean to be late but, well, you can see,” she points to her flattened tire.

“It's okay. I need to warn you though,” Kurt says as he jacks up Rachel's Saab. “Puck is over. Vanessa outed herself and she and Puck are making up. He was decidedly less bigoted than I expected.”

“Really?” Rachel asks. “That's really good. I worry so much about Vanessa.”

“We all do. It's like, well, it's kinda like she's not a full person yet?” Kurt phrases is like a question.

“Yeah,” Rachel agrees. “Because she goes back to pretending to be Finn so often. It's like Vanessa is half a person, and until she finishes becoming real, we all have to protect her.”

“That's exactly how I feel,” Kurt agrees, removing the lug nuts and easing off the flat tire. He replaces it with the spare, and put the nuts back on. “Okay, Rachel, this spare won't hold indefinitely, but when I get back home I can check the computer to see if we have the right tire in stock. We should. Since you're spending the night, I can get you a proper tire tomorrow, and you can either pay then, or one of your dads can give us a credit card number over the phone.”

“Thank you so much, Kurt,” Rachel says. “I'm very glad to have a friend who's so automotively -inclined.”

“It's no problem. Besides, sometimes I like to show off. Anyway, you get in the car and drive to my place and I'll follow you just to make sure the spare holds up.”

“Okay,” Rachel agrees, and gets in her car.

*****

When they get back to the house, everyone's in the living room. Vanessa has calmed down, and Lisa is touching up her make-up for her, since her crying made it smear. Puck is watching the make-over with a vaguely uncomfortable expression on his face. As they're sitting there, Rachel walks over presses her face to Noah's, and whispers something in his ear, before kissing him on the cheek. Then she lightly rubs Vanessa's back to let her girlfriend know she's there, and sits down next to her.

“Hey,” Kurt says, coming up behind Blaine, who is standing up studying the DVD collection. Kurt slips his arms around Blaine's waist and rests his chin on the slightly shorter boy's shoulder. Blaine relaxes into the hug.

“Hey,” Blaine says back.

“Did I miss anything important?” Kurt asks quietly.

“Vanessa told Puck that if he wants to keep his best friend he has to accept her the way she is, without being a douchebag about it. He's trying,” Blaine answers. “He said Vanessa couldn't scare him off too easily, because he's a badass.”

Lisa finishes touching up Vanessa's make-up for her, and Vanessa excuses herself to use the bathroom.

“She's been pretty lucky so far,” Lisa says, putting her make-up away.

“Statistically speaking, you mean?” Blaine turns to face his schoolmate,

“Yeah,” Lisa says. “So far everyone she's come out to has come around rather quickly.”

“Which means, that the next few might be messy,” Blaine respond, and Lisa and Rachel both nod. Kurt grimaces as he realizes that they're right, though Puck looks confused.

“What are you queers on about?” Puck asks.

“Puck, really?” Rachel admonishes. “As the only one here who doesn't fall under the term 'queer,' you should really watch your language. _You're_ in the minority here.”

“We're talking about the law of averages, based on statistics of societal views of transgender people and queer sexualities, and the high incidence of homophobia and transphobia in the Midwest,” Blaine says.

Puck still doesn't seem to understand what Blaine is saying, so Kurt steps in to explain.

“What we mean is that so far, everyone Vanessa has come out to—us, Rachel's dads, Dad and Carol, and others in the gay community—have accepted her pretty quickly. Carol had the worst reaction, and she's coming around. But we know from studies and experience that most people aren't that accepting of trans people, just like most people around here are kinda homophobic. So, if Vanessa continues to come out to the people in her life, some of them, many of them probably, are not going to take it well. They'll probably be cruel, possibly violent,” Kurt explains. “Like Karofsky and Azimio throwing me in the trash or throwing me into lockers for being gay.”

“Who would possibly hurt Finn?” Puck asks. “Everyone loves him.”

“Everyone loves _Finn,_ ” Lisa says. “But people are going to be mean to _Vanessa_.”

“Like who?” Puck asks searching his brain.

“You weren't around for the _Rocky Horror_ thing,” Kurt remembers, “So you don't remember all the mean things that people like Mike and Quinn and some of the other kids and faculty were saying about 'trannies,' or that Mercedes had to change the word 'Transsexual' to 'Sensational' before they'd let her sing 'Sweet Transvestite' in the play. That play got us in a LOT of trouble,” Kurt says.

“The statistics about violence and suicide among identified trans people is higher than among identified gay people,” Lisa said.

“LGBT teenagers are six times more likely to commit suicide than our straight peers,” Blaine says.

“Six times?” Puck asks wide-eyed.

“Yeah,” Kurt says. They stop talking when Vanessa comes back into the room with a Mountain Dew for herself and one for Puck. She wraps Rachel into a hug and kisses her girlfriend.

“So, you two are still together for real?” Puck asks.

“Yeah,” Rachel says, beaming. “She's my girlfriend.”

“So, Lisa,” Puck says, doing one of his stereotypical 'I'm so sexy,' poses. “How did a stone fox like you start hanging out with a couple of nerds like this?” he gestures to Blaine and Kurt.

Lisa gives Kurt a look that says, 'is he serious?' and Kurt nods. “I go to Dalton Academy with Blaine and Kurt. We're in the LGBT club together,” Lisa says.

“Really?” Puck asks. “Oh. OH, then you're—”

“I'm a girl,” Lisa says firmly. “God just didn't agree with me.”

“Oh, well, that's cool. You're still a stone fox,” Puck grins, noticing at this point that everyone was sort of staring at him. “What? I'm a sex shark. The Puckasaurus is not afraid of a little genderbending. The Puckasaurus is completely secure in his masculinity.”

“Tell me, do women actually find it attractive when you refer to yourself in the third person as a dinosaur/human hybrid?” Blaine asks curiously. “Not that I have any desire to pick up girls, I'm just curious.”

“No, we just let him think we do,” Rachel says deviously.

“Sorry hot-shot, I have a boifriend,” Lisa says. “Their name is Tracy.”

“Never hurts to keep your flirting skills honed,” Puck says defensively. Everyone laughs. Then they finally start trying to pick a movie to watch.

*****

Regionals is wonderful. Vocal Adrenaline is disqualified for cheating, Aural Intensity comes in last, the Warblers come in second and New Directions wins. Mike and Brittany's dance solo is even more inspired than the one they'd done at Sectionals, and their group ensemble of “Seasons of Love” from RENT makes Kurt wish he was still in New Directions, even though the Warblers gave him a solo this time. After New Directions is named the winner Kurt doesn't even hesitate before running across the stage and hugging his friends. Because Mercedes was _awesome_ on her solo and Tina looks fabulous with her hair streaks dyed to match her dress. Kurt compliments everyone, even taking the time to tell Lauren Zizes she looks pretty in that dress because it's true, and it was good of her to take his spot in the choir.

After everyone congratulates everyone, Burt talks to the Warblers' faculty chaperone and asks for permission to drive Kurt back to Westerville so that he can go out to dinner with his family. Burt and Carol take their kids out to dinner and don't even complain when Rachel, Puck and Blaine tag along, Blaine begging the chaperone to let him go with. It's agreed and everyone goes out.

Burt takes the whole group out to nice restaurant, and Blaine and Kurt hold hands under the table. Finn sits between Rachel and Puck. Even though she's wearing the boy's costume, she still looks a lot more relaxed and comfortable being around her close friends and family. At the restaurant, an older couple stops by the table to tell them they had just been at the concert hall, and they'd all done so well. They all order their food and just start talking.

“Oh, Noah,” Carol says, “The whole family is going to the central Ohio PFFLAG picnic next weekend. Would you like to come with us?”

“Sure Mrs. H,” Puck says.

“Just no trying to conquer the lesbians, please,” Kurt says with a smile.

“Or their moms,” Rachel adds.

“Is this 'everyone pick on Puck Day'?” Puck asks.

“Of course not, Noah,” Carol says in that perfectly condescending 'Mom' way that is both comforting an patronizing at the same time. Everyone laughs.

“So, is there really no bullying or homophobia at Dalton?” Rachel asks curiously. “At all?”

“Well, there's no bullying,” Kurt says, “But homophobia exists everywhere.”

“Dalton believes in tolerance indoctrination,” Blaine explains. “They remind us that we are perfectly entitled to have any opinions, thoughts and beliefs we want. But we are absolutely forbidden from saying out loud any words, or doing any actions that in any way single somebody out for race, class, religion, gender-identity or sexual orientation. Everyone gets treated exactly the same, praised for their accomplishments and censured for their failures. Even Lisa gets treated like every other boy. Well, there's one tiny exception in that they let her wear her headbands in non school colors, but it's not really breaking any rules since headbands aren't in the official dress code.”

“Neither are barrettes,” Kurt says, “Because they're not on the forbidden list, she gets away with them.”

“So, you can be a racist, sexist, homophobic asshole all you want in your own head?” Puck clarifies.

“Yep, you just can't say it out loud.” Kurt says.

“That must be stifling,” Rachel says to Kurt. “I mean, it's wonderful that nobody insults you or assaults you daily, but I know how much your individuality means to you.”

“It is difficult,” Kurt admits. “But it's a small sacrifice if it means I'm not constantly looking over my shoulder, waiting for Karofsky to try and hurt me again.”

“I'm glad you feel safe, Kiddo,” Burt smiles at his son, and gives Kurt's hand a light squeeze. Then the food shows up, and everyone starts eating.

*End Chapter 4*


	5. The Problem with the Middle of the Tunnel is that the Light is so Very Far Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason I mention the sunglasses is because Darren Criss has been photographed wearing them with his Dalton uniform.  
> This chapter is dedicated to nonexistantpup
> 
> WARNING: This chapter contains homophobic/transphobic violence and cruelty, and has mentions of sexual harassment/abuse.

It's a sunny day for a picnic. Vanessa's wearing a lavender and gray sundress, with her long, wavy hair. Kurt's dressed nice, like he always is on the weekends. Blaine was...not exactly fashion forward. When he'd suggested that Vanessa wear a scarf that day, she'd assumed he'd had good taste, like Kurt. Not so much. Blaine still thought that torn, stonewashed jeans and brightly colored t-shirts were still in style, and wore _pink_ sunglasses. He's kind of cute, in a surfer-boy way, Vanessa thinks. He also doesn't load his hair down with enough gel to sink a battleship on weekends, which made him look more attractive. Vanessa has no desire to steal her brother's boyfriend, but she is allowed to observe his beauty, and the boy is _fine_.

So the entire Hudson-Hummel family goes to the PFFLAG picnic in Columbus, with Puck tagging along. Blaine, his sister and his mom are there, and the Berry family is there. Lisa and her mom are in the park as well, along with CeeCee, CeeCee's partner Luis, and CeeCee's four-year-old daughter Kimbra, who the couple only recently adopted. There are several other people there too, who they've met at different Pride and PFFLAG events. But as they get out of the car, Kurt spots some familiar hair in the park.

“Vanessa, don't get out of the car yet,” Kurt says. “I see Sam Evans over there.”

“What's Evans doing here?” Puck wonders. “Think he's gay after all?”

“I really don't know,” Kurt says. “Let's go talk to him. Vanessa should wait in the car.”

“Yeah,” Puck agrees. “Let's go talk to Evans.”

Puck and Kurt walk over to Sam, who is talking to two women, and holding hands with a little girl who looks about eight or nine. She has pale blonde hair, like Sam and one of the two women. Sam turns and sees Kurt and Puck walking over and waves.

“Kurt! And...Puck, hey. Kurt, I hoped you'd be here. I want you to meet my family. This is my sister Katrina, and these are my moms,” Sam introduces.

“Your moms?” Kurt asks, thrown for a minute. Sam has lesbian moms? This is unexpected. “But last fall—”

“I'm an idiot,” Sam says. “Right Kat?”

“Right,” the blonde girl confirmed.

“Yeah, I should have stuck my guns. I wanted to sing with you, but I kind of freaked out after the slushy thing. I don't deal with bullies well. I kind of lash out and beat them up and get expelled, which is kind of what led to me coming to McKinley,” Sam explains. “And I'm like really sorry. I never should have let Finn talk me into bailing on you, but still you did that awesome duet by yourself that I didn't even know was possible, and it was seriously awesome. But I'm still sorry if I, like, hurt your feelings or anything.” Kurt wants to say something, but it's like the blond is having word-vomit, and Kurt can't get a word in edgewise. He takes out his phone and texts Vanessa while Sam babbles at him some more. It's clear that Sam feels bad about blowing the debate, and doesn't want to come off as homophobic, especially since he has two moms.

 ** _You can come over, I think. I think Sam will be okay. It turns out he has lesbian moms.--K_**

 ** _I'm coming over—V_**

“So, this is your sister?” Kurt asks, not knowing how to respond to Sam's apologetic word vomit.

“Yeah, this is Kat. Kat, this is Kurt and Puck,” Sam introduces.

“Hi, Kat,” Puck says. “What grade are you in?”

“Third,” Kat says.

“Whose class are you in?”

“Ms. Ryan's,” Kat answers, and Puck gives her a beaming smile, and Kurt can't help but wonder if Puck is actually flirting with a third grader.

“Do you know a girl named Sarah?” he asks.

“Yeah, she sits next to me and always shares her crayons during art,” Kat says.

“She's my little sister. And _you_ ” he says pointedly, “can call me Noah.” He takes Kat's hand and kisses it, causing her to giggle.

“I had no idea you were so good with kids,” Kurt whispers.

“Puckzilla is a man of many secrets and talents,” Puck says, puffing out his chest.

“Well, Sam, thank you for introducing us to your sister,” Kurt says. “I'd like you to meet mine. Nessa!” Kurt calls, waving her over, though she's already on her way. “Sam, this is my _sister_ Vanessa.”

Kurt and Puck are staring at Sam, waiting him to react. There's a moment where Sam studies her face before recognizing her as his former teammate.

“Whoa, Finn?” Sam asked.

“It's Vanessa,” she says awkwardly. “We didn't know anyone else from school was going to be here, except for the Berrys. I wasn't expecting—” There's panic in her voice and she can't seem to finish saying anything. In response to her elevated fear, both Puck and Kurt have moved themselves into defensive positions around her, putting themselves between Vanessa and Sam in case he reacts badly.

“You're a drag queen?” Sam asks, and Kurt lets out a huff.

“No. I'm a girl,” Vanessa says. “I'm transgendered.”

“Oh! Okay,” Sam says. “That's cool. I'm guessing since you're a guy at school, you don't want me to tell anyone?”

“Please,” Vanessa says. “I'm not ready for everyone to know yet.”

“Sammy, who are your friends?” the woman who was clearly Sam's biological mother asks.

“Mama, this is Kurt, Puck and Finn, I mean, Vanessa. I know them from glee club. And Puck and Vanessa from football. And the tiny brunette who is barreling her way over here at the speed of light is Rachel, and she's in glee club too,” Sam finishes the explanation just as Rachel shows up and tucks herself under Vanessa's arm. Sam introduces them all to his Mama, then his Mom comes over and they repeat the introductions.

“How come you call her Mama?” Puck asks. “Is that what little kids call their moms?”

“Well, I can't call them both Mom,” Sam says, “That would be confusing. And she's always been Mama. She's my biological mom. My other mom is either 'Mom' or 'Ma.' They have to know which one I'm talking to.”

“I do the same thing,” Rachel says, “I have Daddy and Papa. You never questioned that, Noah.”

“I guess I just never thought about it,” Puck says, shrugging.

“Anyway, let's help Carol and Dad get the stuff we brought out of the van,” Kurt suggests, and they all go back to help

*****

“Kids, you want to come and play softball?” Craig asks, coming over to where the three McKinley kids are sitting with Lisa, Tracy, Blaine and Kurt. The picnic had contained some really good food, including barbecue, and they were sitting back under a tree, digesting their lunches.

“Sure,” Sam says, jumping to his feet, and Puck quickly joins him. Kurt and Rachel turn to Vanessa, who looks unsure. When she'd embraced her female persona, she'd quit all the sports teams at school, as separation from her former male entity. She'd wanted to be considered a girl. But truthfully, Baseball had always been her favorite part of pretending to be a boy, though joining the girls' softball team was one of her secret dreams. She did want to play, but like with every activity, she was worried somebody would call her out, and say she wasn't a real girl, just a boy pretending to be a girl.

“Do you want to play, Nessa?” Rachel asks. Vanessa think about it, then nods.

“Good thing these sandals have straps,” Vanessa grinned. “We should all go play.”

Lisa chose not to play, but sat on the sidelines to cheer on Tracy and the others. Kurt gave it a go, but quickly dropped out of the game and sat on the sidelines with Lisa. Burt and some of the other parents joined in the softball game too, so that they had more than enough players for two proper teams.

“It's clear she still loves playing,” Kurt says, pointing at Vanessa, “I don't really get why she dropped baseball.”

“She doesn't want to play on the boys' team,” Lisa answers. “She'd probably play gladly if they let her on the girls' softball team, but public schools in Ohio aren't good about that sort of thing. The law states that if there are two single-sex teams, you have to play for the one you biologically are. And I'm guessing she wants to avoid the boys' locker room as much as she can.”

“Don't we all,” Kurt says, making a face. And he's reminded of that horrible day when he confronted Karofsky in the locker room, and Karofsky kissed him. “I hate gym class.”

“Don't we all?” Lisa echoes, and smiles at her friend. They sit back and watch their friends and family play softball.

*****

This is what she's been missing, Vanessa realizes. When she'd embraced being Vanessa, shed given up all sports activities. Sports had always been bittersweet for her. Finn had always been an exceptional athlete, exceeding at every sport he tried. But she's always done sports for the wrong reason. She played football because her father had been a star football player, and because her mother loved applauding for 'my son, the star quarterback.' Before she embraced Vanessa, back when Finn was still trying to prove his heterosexuality and masculinity—both to those around him and to himself—he'd embraced the manliness of football and basketball and soccer and baseball. Even then, though, when she'd let go of everything around her, and just focused on the game itself, there was something calming and helpful about sports. But once she'd embraced her girlishness, and stopped trying to force herself to be Finn, she'd not wanted to continue having to change in the boys' locker room, or pretend to be a boy on the field, or take showers with the boys. She'd just assumed that she'd have to surrender the positive aspects of sports to get rid of the negative parts. But this was wonderful. She's playing softball, really enjoying herself, and she doesn't have to pretend to be a boy to do it. The people around her were acknowledging that she was a girl, and she was even still wearing a dress while playing—which was a little awkward, but liberating at the same time—and CeeCee had helped her pull her wig back into a clip so that it wouldn't get too messy. She's a girl, and she's playing softball. She didn't know it could feel so good.

When the game is over, Vanessa excuses herself and heads toward the bathroom complex at the other side of the park. She's lost in thought as she's walking, and doesn't see them at first. She hears their voices before she notices them.

“Man. The day your dad gets us tickets to see a pro game, it just happens to be we have to kill 2 hours at the park while the freak patrol is around,” a voice complains. It takes Vanessa a second to realize it's Azimio Adams.

“I know, man, I never would have told him to drop us off at the park if I'd know the queer picnic was here,” Phil Vaughn, one of the football players from McKinley says.

“Did you see Hummel prancing around with his fag boyfriend?” Dave Karofsky asks, and Vanessa can feel her hands start to shake. She's wondering if she can sneak past them to get to the bathroom without them spotting her. “It makes me sick.”

She's almost at the women's room when they notice her.

“Hey look, it's one of the freaks,” Azimio says.

“How can you tell?” Vaughn asks, doubtingly, “She's just some girl.”

“Nah, man, that's a drag queen, can't you tell?” Azimio asks. “Hey, ugly girl, give us a smile.”

Vanessa ignores them. They haven't recognized her yet. Maybe she can still get away. But it's too late, they've moved to corner her, and Azimio's hand is on her arm. She can't help but look at him.

“Shit! Hudson?” Azimio asks, eyes wide.

“Holy crap. You really did catch the gay living with Hummel,” Vaughn snorts.

“I'm not gay,” Vanessa says.

“Bullshit,” Karofsky says. “You're wearing a damn dress. With _fake boobs!_ ”

“I'm a girl,” Vanessa says, trying to stay strong.

“Damn. Hummel fucked you up in the head more than we thought,” Azimio said. “Look at you.” He grabs the pink and gray dress and pulls at it, the fabric tearing under his hands. “You've got to remember who you are, man!”

“What the fuck is that?” Karofsky asks, pointing at Vanessa's smooth crotch, where everything is taped down flat.

“What are those?” Vaughn asks, pointing at her breasts. “Did you go have surgery or something, Hudson?”

“Nah, they're fake, see?” Karofsky says, grabbing Vanessa's breasts and pulling. Vanessa is shaking, and crying.

“LEAVE ME ALONE!” she screams at them. She doesn't know what to do. She knows from past experience and logic that she can't fight off all three of them at once. All she can do is hope somebody hears her and they come to check it off. She knows one thing for sure, she's not going down without a fight. She starts thrashing with her arms and legs, but there are three of them, and each is just as strong as she is.

Vaughn rips off her wig, pulling out a bunch of hair and throwing the whole thing on the ground, dragging his foot over it. They've torn her dress and her bra, and Azimio makes some insulting comment about her lack of body hair, while Karofsky tears at her underwear. All she can do is scream and fight back.

*****

“Has anyone seen Vanessa?” Kurt asks. He's hanging out around a picnic table with Blaine, Blaine's sister Shelly, Lisa and Tracy, Puck, Rachel, Sam and Kat, who is giggling at something Puck said.

“She had to use the bathroom,” Rachel says. “She should be back soon.”

 _“LEAVE ME ALONE!”_ they all heard the voice shouting.

“Shelly, go get some adults,” Blaine says.

“Kat, go with her. Get Mr. Hummel, and get Mom,” Sam directs his little sister as the group of teenagers jump to their feet and run towards the bathrooms. When they get to her, Sam is horrified. Azimio, Karofsky, and Vaughn from the football team are holding Finn down and tearing off her clothes.

“HEY!” Puck shouts, throwing himself at Azimio, trying to drag the other boy off of Vanessa.

“Puckerman,” Azimio says with distaste. “You knew Hudson was a queer freak and you didn't share? You're pathetic.”

Puck pulls back a fist and punches Azimio hard in the mouth. Azimio fights back and they're fighting. It almost looks like dancing, except Azimio isn't as good at it as Puck is.

“Get off her, Karofsky!” Kurt screams.

“Why, Fancy, you want a go?” Karofsky asks, punching the flat of his left hand with his right fist and kissing the air.

“You have to stop this, Karofsky. I don't fucking care if you're a scared, frightened little boy. I can't let you get away with this shit anymore.” Kurt steps right up into Karofsky's face.

“I'm not scared of anything, faggot!” Karofsky says, just as Blaine puts his hand on Kurt's shoulder.

“Kurt, you didn't want to do this, remember? You told me you hated the idea of spilling somebody else's secrets.”

“I can't keep everybody's secrets forever!” Kurt says to Blaine. “It's not fair. I let myself be chased out of my high school just because he's scared of himself. And I'm not going to watch these neanderthals hurt my sister just because they're afraid of things that are different.

“You keep your fucking queer mouth shut, Hummel!” Karofsky shouts at Kurt, and his hand is around the back of Kurt's neck and his other hand is raised to punch Kurt in the face. Kurt doesn't even notice that Tracy and Sam have jumped into the fray, and are fighting with Vaughn. Blaine's arms wrap around Kurt and he tries to pull his boyfriend away from the bully.

“You can't punch the gay out of me,” Kurt tells Karofsky again, though his voice has dropped, very quiet. “Just like you can't punch it out of yourself.”

“I can try,” Karofsky hisses, and punches Kurt in the face, twice. Rachel launches herself at Karofsky, and Lisa follows and the two start kicking him. Lisa lands a hard kick in Karofsky's balls and Rachel runs her fingernails down Karofsky's face.

“GET THE HELL OFF MY KIDS!!!” Burt Hummel screams as he gets between Karofsky and Kurt. The younger girls have done their job and brought the parents.

“EVERYBODY FREEZE!” a woman's voice yells, and the fighting seems to stop. The three football players are aware that adults are there, and Vaughn tries to make a break for it, before realizing that Sam and Tracy are restraining him. “I am a police officer. Stop fighting now.” She has her cell phone in one hand and a badge in the other. Kurt can see State Police written on the badge, and wonders why Sam never mentioned his mom was a cop. Of course, he'd never mentioned having two moms before, but the thought was distracting him from how badly his face hurt.

The parents manage to separate the three bullies from the other kids, and Sam's Mom has called in for police back-up. Vanessa's clothes are torn, her make-up smudged and running, and there's a scratch above her eye from her hair clip when Vaughn ripped her wig off. CeeCee runs over with a blanket from her car and wraps it around Vanessa. Sam's Mom insists everyone go to the police station, and the Karofsky, Adams and Vaughn parents are all called.

*****

It's up to Burt and Carol to decide to press charges. Upon urging from their parents, Kurt and Vanessa give accounts of all their past interactions with the three jocks. Rachel, Puck and Sam all give statements about things they've experienced and witnessed, including people getting locked into porta-potties overnight, getting pushed down the stairs, the slushies, and varies different things that have happened at McKinley. After seeing that look on his father's face, Kurt decides to come clean about everything. He tells the police about the sexual harassment that David Karofsky had been doing, including the stolen kiss in the locker room and the death threats.

There's a terrifying moment when Puck's social worker shows up and Vanessa is convinced Puck is going back to juvie. But after a long talk with Sam's Mom and the other police officers, it's decided that charges won't be pressed, since he was only trying to protect a friend from what the cops are calling a hate crime. Vanessa feels like there's a thousand-pound weight on her chest, she can hardly move, even breathing hurts. Everyone keeps staring at her. The more she has to retell the story the more her hands shake. Karofsky had touched her—sure it was through her underwear, but she could still feel the heat and weight of his hand on her. She could still feel their hands on her skin, and all she wanted to do was go home and shower. She wasn't even sure she was really a person right now. She was wearing some scrubs given to her at the hospital when they'd been checked over, she's lost her wig, so her hair is short. She doesn't look like a girl, but she doesn't feel like a man. She wants to disappear.

Kurt's worse off than she is, he has a hairline fracture in his cheekbone, which they can't do anything about except give him pain medication. He also has a broken nose and a nasty black eye, but they managed to set his nose. Puck somewhat resembles the inside of a meat grinder after his fight with Azimio, and Sam too has another black eye. Vanessa can't help wonder why people think she's the biggest victim here. Apart from a small scratch on her face, there's been no physical damage to her body. The whole ordeal is a nightmare. Cops and doctors and Rachel's dad—the one who's a lawyer—keep asking Finn questions. She can't wait until finally, finally, they can all go home. She tries not to get angry when a cop makes a remark, as they're leaving, about those parents who “can't raise their nancy-boys right,” and she, Kurt, and Carol all put a hand on Burt to stop him from killing the guy.

In the car, Puck and Kurt both have ice packs pressed against their faces. Vanessa's sitting between them, resting her head on Puck's shoulder, and Kurt is resting his head on Vanessa's upper arm. They're sitting, quietly, in the backseat, not even arguing about the radio or what to have for the dinner that they should have eaten four hours ago. Kurt is texting, and not really talking, and Vanessa is trying not to think about how she's starting to believe she'll never be happy. Never be happy and never be real.

“I'm transferring back to McKinley,” Kurt says as they drive towards Lima.

“Kurt, are you sure? You went to Dalton for a reason,” Burt says.

“I know. I went to get away from Karofsky. And today he was there anyway. And I can't let him get away with chasing me away anymore. And I can't let Vanessa go back to school with them, without me being there. What kind of brother would I be, if I hid away while she continues to go to McKinley,” Kurt sets his jaw.

“You'd do that for me?” Vanessa asks. “Put yourself in danger for me?”

“You're my sister,” Kurt says. “I've been talking it over with Blaine, who's been talking it over with his mom, and we're both going to transfer to McKinley. Even not counting the completely selfish reason that it means we get to go to Nationals, Blaine still feels bad about running away from his own bullies. He's been talking about switching back to public school for a while actually.”

“Good,” Puck says. “You and the hobbit can help back me up. I know Evans will help. I'm not going to let anything happen to you Van.” Puck turns his head and looks at Vanessa. “I promise, dude, you're my best friend. I don't care if I have to kick Azimio's ass every morning. I'll keep you safe.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa says, not even complaining that Puck called her 'dude.'

“It's the best choice,” Kurt says, “I know you can't afford to send both of us to Dalton, and I miss everyone from New Directions. I'll be bringing Blaine with me, the only person I'll really miss from Dalton is Lisa. Well, Wes and David are cool, but I'm not that close with them,” Kurt says. He moves, and his cheek starts to throb. “Ow.”

“Do you need a Vicodin, Kurt?” Carol asks from the front seat.

“I can wait until we go home,” Kurt says. “Dad, can we drive up to Westerville and get my stuff tomorrow?”

“Are you certain about this, Kurt?” Burt asks again.

“Yeah,” Kurt says. “I'm not afraid of Dave Karofsky anymore. The worst he can do is hit me, and he's already done that. Maybe, if we're lucky, he's gotten it out of his system.”

“Thanks, Kurt,” Vanessa says quietly. “Oh God, I don't want to go to school on Monday. Everyone's going to be talking about me.”

“I think, if you, both of you, wanted to stay home for a couple of days, I would understand,” Carol says, “But I want you both back in school by Wednesday.”

“Okay, Mom,” Vanessa says, feeling a little relieved.

“Okay, Carol,” Kurt says. And he snuggles into his sister, who is snuggling into her best friend, and lets the motion of the car rock him to sleep, safe in the car with his family.

*End Chapter 5*


	6. There are Few Things in Life More Painful Than Rejection

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song that Vanessa sings at glee club is a song called “Enemy in Me” by an industrial goth metal band called Shotgun Messiah. This is what happens when you ask your metal-head fiance for song advice. ;-) If you want to hear the song, it's here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w1v0jQp310U But I imagine that the version Blaine helped Finn arrange is a little less metal.
> 
> Also, I have a request. Is anyone out there talented enough with photo editing software that they could possibly make a Vanessa picture for me? I'd love some, if it's doable, and I'd totally credit you. Or even locate a picture of Cory Montieth in drag (I'm not sure such a picture exists, but wouldn't it be awesome if it did?  
> Tinak47 took a stab at Vanessa, and came up with this: http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p300/JoyfulKittie/vanessa.jpg
> 
> Also, I have no clue how tall Ashley Fink is, so I'm completely guessing when I put her height at about 6'1”.

Leaving Dalton is a little harder than Kurt imagined it would be. Even though it's a last-minute decision, the Warblers and the LGBT club throw Kurt and Blaine a party. The Warblers don't claim to understand why two of their teammates are leaving in the middle of the semester, even after Lisa explained what happened to them. Wes and David want Blaine to stay, but Blaine's mind is made up. He loves Kurt, and doesn't want to lose him, but more than that he was always bothered by his cowardice. He ran away from the bullies, and he doesn't want to do it anymore.

“Oh my God, Kurt, your face!” David says, gasping when he sees the younger boy.

“I know, hideous, right? It took me almost an hour to find a sweater that matched the bruise,” Kurt huffs, and some of his friends laugh.

“Why would you go back there, if it's so dangerous?” David asks.

“I can't leave my sister unprotected,” Kurt says. “Besides, now that there's evidence he's hit me, we can file a restraining order against him.”

“I didn't know you had a sister,” David says, and Kurt realizes he's mentioned Vanessa without her permission. She's there, dressed like Finn, helping Burt carry Kurt's stuff to the truck. He doesn't think she'd be too angry about it, but he still feels badly about it, and quickly changes the subject. Kurt doesn't stay at the party very long. Once his dad has finished loading the pick-up, he tells his friends he's tired and goes home, but first he stops to talk to Lisa.

“I'm going to miss you a lot,” Lisa says. “You always saw me, and I thank you for that.”

“We'll still see each other,” Kurt promises. “You're one of my girls now, and my girls totally get regular shopping sprees and facials and makeovers. So, next weekend, we're going to have to hit the mall.”

“Okay,” Lisa says. And she smiles when Kurt hugs her tightly. Apart from Tracy and her mother, Lisa doesn't get a lot of hugs, and this is amazing. “Don't be a stranger,” she makes him promise.

“I won't. I'll text you regularly, I promise. You know, you could join us at McKinley. You could be yourself there,” Kurt offers.

Lisa opens her mouth, then hesitates. “Kurt, I might not have my individuality here, but I'm safe here. Nobody's going to hurt me. I'm not big or strong like Vanessa, and I'm not brave like you. I'm safe here.”

“I understand,” Kurt says, giving Lisa another hug.

“I'll tell you this,” Lisa whispers in his ear. “If I wasn't with Tracy, and you weren't gay...”

“Really?” Kurt asks, surprised.

“Yeah,” Lisa said. “You're _hot_ honey. Blaine's a lucky man. And you're sweet, caring and accepting, unless somebody's wearing ugly clothes.”

“There is never an excuse for ugly clothes,” Kurt insists. And they're laughing as he gives her a third and final hug before climbing into his father's truck.

“You're going to miss her the most, aren't you?” Burt observes.

“Yeah,” Kurt agrees. “She became one of my best friends pretty quickly. But if Mercedes and I could stay friends while I was at Dalton, Lisa and I can stay friends while I'm back at McKinley.”

“That's my boy,” Burt smiles as they start the two-hour drive back to Lima, just the three of them, Burt and his kids. They all sit on the front bench seat, Vanessa between Burt and Kurt. Kurt sometimes gets carsick on long trips, and likes to sit by the window, and Vanessa doesn't mind sitting in the middle much.

“What do you think will happen at school when we go back?” Kurt asks.

“I don't know, Son. Lima's never had an open trans person, far as I know. And there are a _lot_ of small minds in this town. I can't help but think life would be so much easier if you could be could be a boy,” Burt shoots a glance to Vanessa, who looks crestfallen. “But that doesn't mean I don't love you just the way you are, kid. Just because something is easy, doesn't mean it's right. I see you Vanessa, being a girl and you look so much happier most of the time. Just like I see you, Kurt, out of that uniform, being so happy. I want you kids to be yourselves, I just wish the world was different.” Neither Vanessa nor Kurt said anything, so Burt continued.

“This isn't the life I wished for you. For either of you. And before you get touchy, I'm not talking about being gay, Kurt, or you being a girl, Nessa. I'm talking about being different in a community that doesn't take well to difference. The world is going to be unnecessarily cruel to you kids. And I want to remind you that I will _always_ support you. Both of you. You're my kids, and I love both of you no matter what.”

“Thanks, Dad,” Kurt says. “You're the best dad a gay boy could wish for.

“Yeah,” Vanessa says quietly. “Thanks Dad.” The word slips out so naturally that nobody questions it. It's like it was always meant to be that way. But lifts his right hand from the steering wheel, not needing it on the straight-away, and lowers it around Vanessa's shoulders, giving her right shoulder a tentative squeeze. Vanessa relaxes into the side hug, and after Burt pulls his hand back to shift gears, Vanessa still leans slightly into his side. She'd never had a Dad before, and now that she does, she understands just how much she had been missing without a father. She feels safer in this truck, with her father and her brother, than she ever has before.

*****

Vanessa doesn't want to go to school on Wednesday, but at least she has Kurt to go with her. She wears a pair of jeans and a plain gray t-shirt and an open flannel. Nothing fancy or feminine, but soft and comfortable, and if she's tucked and taped under her jeans, that's nobody's business but her own. Kurt drives them both to school in his Navigator. Blaine, Rachel and Puck are all waiting by Blaine's car in the parking lot. Blaine's got his schedule, and is ready to face public school again, though Kurt cringes when he sees Blaine's clothes. Jeans with a hole in the knee, skateboard sneakers, and a shirt with a picture with a monkey wearing sunglasses. Vanessa looks from Kurt to Blaine and back, and wonders if Kurt would have fallen for Blaine had he seen him in his normal clothes first.

“So, what are they saying about me?” Vanessa asks Puck and Rachel.

“Nobody knows exactly what happened,” Rachel says, “Everyone knows that Karofsky, Azimio and Vaughn jumped you in the park, and they know you were at a PFFLAG picnic. There's some rumors that you were dressed in drag, but nobody seems to know the truth.”

“Okay,” Vanessa said. “I guess I can be Finn for the rest of the day. We have glee today. I think I'm going to tell everyone.” On Monday, Rachel had rushed over to Kurt and Vanessa's house to tell them that Mr. Schue's assignment for the week was to pick a song that voiced some sort of secret. That explained something about yourself. IT could be any song, as long as it told some personal truth.

“Do you want to sing that song I've been helping you with?” Blaine asks.

“Yeah,” Vanessa says.

“Hey, did you bring a change of clothes?” Rachel suddenly asks Blaine.

“I did tell you to,” Kurt says.

“I did,” Blaine says, “I just don't know why I needed them.”

“It's your first day, and you're gay. The jocks will probably nail you with a slushie facial before the day is over,” Puck answers.

“We should get to homeroom,” Rachel says. She takes Vanessa's hand and pulls gently. Without saying a word, Puck walks in front of them, acting as a human shield. Kurt and Blaine hang back for a few moments, to watch the triangle of Puck, Vanessa and Rachel walking into school.

“You sure you want to do this?” Kurt asks. “I mean, it's not to late for you to go back to Dalton.”

“It's totally too late for that,” Blaine says. “Wanna help me find my locker?”

“Sure,” Kurt says, and he smiles when Blaine takes his hand. He's sure that they're going to draw attention, holding hands in the hall, but at this point he's not certain he cares. Even knowing that Karofsky is somewhere in the building is less terrifying with Blaine holding his hand.

*****

Blaine doesn't get slushied on his first day. Somehow, Kurt and Blaine manage to avoid the bullies all day. Blaine stashes the change of clothes in his locker for future need, and goes about his day. The classes are a lot easier than the ones at Dalton, and Blaine mentions to Kurt at lunch that he's fairly certain he could skip all his classes until finals, and still get straight As. Kurt finds himself getting fawned over by all his friends, because of the nasty shiner and his still-swollen face. When his cheek starts to throb again he goes to the nurse's office and sleeps right through gym and his last two classes before meeting everyone in the choir room.

“Everyone, this is Blaine Anderson,” Mr. Schue introduces. “He just transferred here, and he wants to join our glee club. We know, of course, Blaine, that you can sing. We all heard you at Sectionals.”

“How do we know he's not the gay version of Jesse?” Artie asks critically.

“Because my transferring schools had little to do with glee club,” Blaine said. “But even if it did, the Warblers didn't qualify for Nationals, but you guys did, so sabotaging you would do the Warblers no good.”

“He does make a good point,” Tina says. “I don't mind him joining. And he's a good singer.”

“Thanks,” Blaine smiles, and when nobody protests vocally, he goes to sit next to Kurt.

“So first, let's all say welcome back, Kurt!” Mr. Schue announces, and everyone cheers. Kurt smiles, and waves back.

“So, does anyone have a song to sing today?” Mr. Schue asks.

“I do,” Finn says. “Rachel told me that the theme for this week was secrets. Blaine's been helping me arrange this song I found a while back and it kinda fits perfectly.”

“Okay, take it away Finn,” Mr. Schue says.

“Blaine, can you play the song?” Finn asks.

“Can I borrow your guitar?” Blaine asks Puck, who nods, and hands it over. Blaine starts strumming his guitar, while Finn takes a deep breath, then starts to sing.

 _“I can feel my body it's beginning to rebel now  
nothing I can do, I'm turning into something else now  
don't know how much longer I can hide it from my friends  
alien intelligence parading in my skin_

 _God, I'm so tired, I can't fight anymore  
inside I'm burning, I'm losing this war_

 _there's an enemy in me  
enemy, enemy  
there's an enemy in me_

 _whirling to the ground, ground into the world  
little tiny pieces are beginning to emerge_

 _God, I'm so tired, I can't fight anymore  
inside I'm burning, I'm losing this war_

 _stop me_

 _there's an enemy in me  
enemy, enemy  
there's an enemy in me_

 _there's an enemy in me  
enemy, enemy  
there's an enemy in me_

 _looking in the mirror, man, you really couldn't tell  
feeling like I'm screaming from the bottom of a well  
you were getting comfortable with who I used to be  
hate to disappoint you but it really isn't me_

 _God, I'm so tired, I can't fight anymore  
inside I'm burning, I'm losing this war_

 _kill me_

 _there's an enemy in me  
enemy, enemy  
there's an enemy in me_

 _there's an enemy in me  
enemy, enemy  
there's an enemy in me_

 _God, I'm so tired, I can't fight anymore  
inside I'm burning, I'm losing this war_

 _there's an enemy in me  
enemy, enemy  
there's an enemy in me” _

“Finn,” Will says, slowly. Most of the glee club looks shaken up. It was intense performance. Blaine simply played the song, though he and Kurt added in a few background vocals, while Finn sang. Throughout the song, Finn's voice cracked twice, and she made sure to make eye contact with everyone, at least for a second. The song was so intense, he could see some of the New Directions kids looked to be on the verge of tears. “Finn, I'm not sure I quite understand the point of your song,” Will says.

“My body,” she starts, “Is wrong. It's like a prison or a cage. God made some sort of mistake and this body isn't me. I'm transgender. Male to female. Inside my head, I'm a girl. I've always been a girl, and I'm lucky that my family is awesome enough to want to stand by me while I transition. But I needed to tell you, Mr. Schue, to tell the whole club. I'm a girl. I'm going to start being myself more, dressing like a girl, and I really need everyone's support.”

Nobody says anything for a moment, until Quinn breaks the silence with a biting laugh.

“Of course,” Quinn says. “Of course you're a girl. It makes perfect sense, since you were never a real man. God, Finn, you make me sick.”

Puck and Rachel are on their feet and have flanked Vanessa defensively. It's an odd juxtaposition, with Vanessa six-foot-three, looking vulnerable next to her five-foot-two protector.

“You're the one who's sick, Quinn,” Tina says, jumping to her feet quickly. “Finn just told us something incredibly personal and you have no right to make fun of hi...her.” She stumbles over the pronoun, but makes sure to use the right one.

“You're actually buying this crap?” Mike asks his girlfriend. “You're okay with one of your friends being a tranny freak?”

“Dude, that's so not cool,” Sam says, jumping to Vanessa's defense, earning a surprised look from his girlfriend. “Vanessa's awesome. Don't make fun of her.”

“Vanessa?” Brittany asks, “That's a pretty name.”

“Thanks, Britt,” Vanessa says.

“Finn, you're a guy,” Santana says. “I should know. You're definitely a guy, I've seen the proof.” Her eyes flash to Rachel, giving the shorter girl that 'ha, I banged your boyfriend before you did,' haughty look that Santana often wore. “Besides, you're not cool enough to be a girl.”

“Be nice, Santana,” Brittany says. “It really makes a lot of sense though. Don't you remember kindergarten? You were in the same class as me and Puck and Vanessa, and me and Vanessa dressed up as the princesses, and you and Puck were the princes.” Brittany looks back to Vanessa. “I'm glad you remembered who you are. You use to be happy, and then you were really sad for a long time, but now you're happy again, and I'm glad. And now that you're a girl again we can totally go shopping.”

“That sounds like fun, Britt,” Vanessa says, and Brittany runs over to tackle-hug her. The room grows quiet for a moment, because everyone can tell that lines are being drawn, but they're not sure why or what for.

“This is _wrong_ ,” Mercedes says, after a few awkward moments of silence. “I can't believe what you're saying, Finn. God _doesn't_ make mistakes. Maybe you're gay or whatever, but whatever you are, you were made in _His_ image, perfect the way you are. The idea that you want to change your _body_ to repair a cosmic mistake is laughable and disgusting. It's _wrong._ ”

“Mercedes,” Kurt says sharply. “How can you say things like this?”

“I'm saying what needs to be said, Kurt, and I can't believe you're going along with this. I always thought you were a good person, even if you are gay. This is _wrong_ ” she says again, and stands. As she turns to walk out of the room, Quinn, Artie and Mike follow her. Santana looks torn between following Mercedes, and staying with Brittany, who is staring shocked at the back of Artie's chair as he rolls out of the room. In the end, Santana decides to choose Brittany over any disgust she may feel.

“Dude, I just wanna say, it's awesome to have a girl taller than me,” Lauren says, walking over and clapping Vanessa on the back. “You're all right by me.”

“Finn,” Mr. Schue says, putting his hand on Vanessa's shoulder. “I think you're confused. High school can be a confusing time, and it can take a while to figure everything out. Maybe you should go speak to Ms. Pillsbury-Howell. I bet she can help you straighten it all out.”

Kurt watched as Vanessa's face fell. The one teacher she respected, the one person she thought she could always trust, who would always be there, just told her she was confused, and needed to be 'straightened out.' Several of her friends had just walked out on her. Kurt was so angry on his sister's behalf he could barely see straight. He was about to rip into Mr. Schue, lest Rachel do it first, but he hadn't expected Lauren Zizes to beat him to it.

“You're pathetic, Mr. Schue,” she says, looking down at him.

“I will not be spoken to that way, Lauren. Please leave.”

“No,” she says. “Seriously. I can't believe you. I mean, I know that some of the people in this town were bigots, but I never expected you to be one of them. But you're so trapped in this bubble where you think you're a good teacher that you don't even realize that most of your platitudes cause more pain than they fix. And every time you try to help kids it just winds out worse. Besides, anyone who knows anything about this place knows that you only favor Finn because he reminds you of yourself in high school. And the second she tells you she's a girl, you freak, because that might threaten _your_ manly straightness.” Lauren takes a few steps forward so she's staring Mr. Schuester down. “Let _me_ tell you a secret _Teach._ When a kid comes out of the closet, as gay or bi or trans or whatever you know what you're _not_ supposed to do? Tell them to 'straighten it all out.' Seriously, Schue, do you even think about your words before you say them? If anyone needs to see the counselor, it's you. You're going to need advice on how to not be a douche.”

“Come on, Vanessa, let's go home,” Kurt says, putting his hand on his sister's shoulder. Then he looks around at the people who stuck around, not counting the shell-shocked Mr. Schue. “Um, if you guys have questions, you can come by our house, if it's okay with Nessa.”

“It's okay,” Vanessa says, smiling at Brittany and Tina. Then she looks at Lauren, giving her a look of wonder and amazement.

“Mr. Schuester has to go talk to Ms. P,” Puck says, glaring at the Spanish teacher. “Let's all go to Nessa's and Kurt's.” He leads the way out to the parking lot, nobody except Sam looking back at a stunned Mr. Schue.

*****

Lauren, Puck, Brittany, Santana, Tina, Sam, Blaine and Rachel all follow Kurt and Vanessa back to the Hudson-Hummel house. Nobody really wants to cook for everyone, so Carole talks Kurt into relenting, and ordered a bunch of pizzas. Vanessa disappears into her room when they get home, and changes into her girl clothes. She comes back down, in more feminine jeans and a plain deep plum blouse, with her chin-length honey-blonde wig and some light make-up on. She feels so much more comfortable in her clothes, out of her boy drag.

“I really like that top,” Brittany says, when Vanessa comes back downstairs. Everyone's hanging out in the living room, Burt still at the garage and Carole's in the other room, ordering the pizzas, leaving the kids to talk alone.

“Thanks. Kurt picked it out,” Vanessa smiles.

“Kurt's really good at picking out clothes,” Tina says.

“Lauren,” Vanessa says, “Thanks, for what you said to Mr. Schue.”

“It's no problem. He was kind of a jerk,” Lauren says, biting into one of Vanessa's secret stash of Mallomars she hides above everyone else's reach, which Vanessa gladly shared with Lauren as a thank you.

“Where did that come from?” Tina asks. “What you said?”

“I'm just under six-foot-one, and I weight three hundred pounds. I wrestle and I play rugby and I feel my prettiest when I'm covered in dirt and sweat after helping my dad with the yard work, or fixing the car. Over the past couple of years I've questioned my sexuality, my gender, and my own taste in reading material. The best I can figure out, being a teenager is all about figuring shit out, and if people try and stop you, they can go kiss a rattlesnake for all I care. You've figured out who you are, and I'm actually a little jealous. I never seem to know where I fit,” Lauren said, between bites of cookie. She eats the cookie slowly, biting off all the chocolate, then eating the cookie on the bottom, before popping the marshmallow into her mouth.

“Well,” Tina says, “I think you fit right here with us. And our 'ragtag bunch of misfits.'”

“I think I'm cool with that,” Lauren smiled back.

“Your phone keeps buzzing,” Brittany says to Kurt.

“I know,” Kurt sighs. “Mercedes keeps texting me, but after what she said, I have nothing to say to her right now. I'm ignoring all her texts for the time being.”

“I should probably answer Quinn's texts, actually,” Sam sighed.

“Sam, does Quinn know you have two moms?” Blaine asks Sam, while pulling Kurt onto his lap on the sofa. Kurt pretends to balk, but in reality he loves the closeness, especially with his friends around.

“Yeah, she's come over for dinner a couple of times,” Sam says, “I mean, I know she's religious, but I never took her for a homophobe. Especially since I thought she was friends with Kurt.”

“Quinn and I have bonded on our higher bitch levels, but we don't exactly talk about boys when we hang out. She's never explicitly insulted me to my face for being gay, but it's clear that talk about my sexuality makes her uncomfortable,” Kurt says, leaning into Blaine's touch. It's very comforting.

“It's her dad,” Brittany says. “Her mom too, but especially her dad. Even though her mom kicked her dad out, he still lives inside her head. Her mom's inside her head too. That's who talks to her when she looks in the mirror, and tells her she's fat and ugly. And who tells her to say mean things to Rachel.”

“Brittany, I think you're right,” Vanessa says.

“So, Vanessa,” Santana says, using the feminine name for the first time, “Now that you're a chick, can I fuck you with my strap-on?”

“No!” Rachel interjects. “You can't just go around asking other people's girlfriends for sex, Santana!”

Vanessa is blushing, and staring at her lap. She really doesn't want to talk about sex.

“So,” Sam says, trying to cover the awkward sex talk, “We know that Mercedes and Quinn are religious, but what about Artie and Mike.”

“They're complicated,” Tina says with a sigh. She leans forward, and is momentarily surprised when Lauren lets her hands on the shorter girl's shoulder, squeezing comfortingly.

“Mike is from a very traditional family. I mean, the only reason he's allowed to do glee and football is because he gets straight-As. I mean, so traditional that his mom lectures him every day for wearing t-shirts and stuff, and not wearing button-downs. And she hates me, because I dress goth and am too 'American.' I know that at first he was freaked out by Kurt being gay, and it took me a long time to get him to see Kurt as a person. I think Mike will come around eventually, after I make him read some stuff, and threaten to break up with him. But Artie—Artie is more complicated. He has some issues with women and sex, and they're not mine to tell. You might just need to try and have a talk with him at some point,” She tells Vanessa. “I'm just not comfortable telling you some stuff that Artie told me in confidence.”

“That's cool, I wouldn't expect you to,” Vanessa promises. She's sitting on the love seat between Rachel and Puck, and it's cramped there between her best friend and her girlfriend, but she's comfortable in the closeness.

“Hey kids,” Burt says, walking into the living room. “How was school.”

“It was okay, mostly,” Vanessa says. “The jocks left Kurt and Blaine alone, and nobody said much to me.”

“Until Mr. Schuester turned out to be a total douchecanoe,” Lauren interjects

“What did Mr. Schuester do?” Burt asks, concerned. His eyes rest on Kurt sitting on Blaine's lap and his jaw tightens slightly, but he doesn't say anything to the boys.

“Nessa came out in glee club, and Mr. Schue told her she needed to see the counselor and get 'straightened out',” Puck answers Burt, making a face as he rubs Nessa's arm. To anyone watching, it's clear that Puck's barely aware of what he's doing. Kurt thinks that the dynamic that's developed between Vanessa and Puck since Nessa came out is fascinating. Puck moved from 'bromantic buddy' to 'protective white knight,' seamlessly, over just a few days. Sometimes Kurt wonders if Puck knows that Nessa likes him as more than a friend, but supposes that as long as Vanessa and Rachel stay together it doesn't really matter.

“That asshole,” Burt says, his hands rolling into fists. Kurt jumps off Blaine's lap and puts his hands on his dad's shoulders, trying to calm his father down. “I'm going to have a talk with that man.”

“If you have to, Dad,” Vanessa says, “but please, _just_ talk.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, “Promise, Dad, that you won't lose your temper.”

“I promise,” Burt says. “Vanessa, if you want to come out at school, it might be good for me and Carole to have a talk with your teachers.”

“Okay,” Vanessa replies. “But I'm not ready yet. There's only a couple months left, then we have all summer to get used to things.”

“Okay,” Burt says, “But I'm going to talk to that teacher, and probably your guidance counselor.”

“Okay,” Vanessa says in a small voice.

“Actually,” Kurt interjects. “I had an idea, well, Blaine and I had an idea.”

“McKinley needs a GSA,” Blaine says from the couch. “A Gay-Straight Alliance. I picked up an application for student clubs when I got my schedule and stuff yesterday. All we need is four charter members and a faculty adviser.”

“And Ms. Pillsbury-Howell would probably be our adviser,” Kurt says. “Would you guys all come, if we started a GSA at school?”

“What is it?” Brittany asks.

“A club for gay, bi, lesbian, transgender, questioning and queer kids to hang out,” Blaine answers her, “along with any straight kids who don't mind gay kids. We'd get together and talk about stuff, and plan activities and stuff.”

“Well, if it's for straight guys too, I'll totally go,” Puck says. That seems to be enough, pretty soon everyone promises to join, if they start the club. Everything seems manageable until the very next day when Vanessa finds **tranny freak** scrawled across her locker in spray paint.  
*End Chapter 6*


	7. Who We Have Been is Just as Important as Who We Are Becoming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to MistressAshley for this picture of Vanessa: http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p300/JoyfulKittie/Vanessa2.png   
> Tinak47 made this one: http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p300/JoyfulKittie/vanessa.jpg  
> Warning: This chapter has mentions of a past suicide attempt.  
> Just a reminder that this is AU after AVGC, so none of the second half of season 2 happens here.

“Is it true you're moving to Thailand to get a sex change operation?” Jacob Ben Israel asks Finn, shoving his digital recorder in her face.

“Get that out of my face, Jacob, or I'll throw you in the dumpster again,” Vanessa threatens.

“You're not scary anymore, Finn Hudson. Everyone knows you want to be a girl, and nobody afraid of tranny freaks like you,” Jacob says.

“Oh yeah?” Puck asks, pinning Jacob to the lockers with one arm. “How 'bout me? Am I still scary?”

“Uh, yeah,” Jacob squeaks.

“Get gone,” Puck says, and Jacob skedaddles. He turns to Vanessa. “How're you holding up?”

Vanessa shrugs. “I've been called some names. Some of them from Ms. Sylvester. Somebody spray-painted my locker. Nothing too bad. My parents have an appointment with Figgins tomorrow. But I think Burt's going to show up before then and yell at Mr. Schue.”

“Guy deserves it,” Puck says. “Kurt told me to get you because we're gonna go meet with Ms. P. to see if she'll sponsor that club thing.”

“Okay,” Vanessa smiles. She follows Puck, ignoring the stares of the others. When they got to Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell's office, Kurt, Blaine, Sam and Rachel were standing by the door. They could hear Mr. Schue speaking from the other side of the door.

“I've known Finn longer than you have, Mr. Hummel. I've watched him grow up and go through so much. He's a good boy, star quarterback, lead male vocalist in the glee club. I've watched him struggle and grow, and I'm very proud of him, but he is definitely a boy.”

“You think you know what you're talking about, but you don't, Schuester. Kurt told me how you never listen when the kids try to talk about what they're feeling. Do you even understand what she's going through?” Burt Hummel flings back at Mr. Schue. “She had everyone in her life telling her to 'be a man, be a man!' when deep inside she feels like a girl. She's been told her entire life that she's wrong. You know, you're supposed to be a mentor to these kids, but I find myself seriously doubting your ability as a teacher when my kids come home and tell me about how you made them feel like crap. Don't they give you guys sensitivity training or something? You really hurt her feelings.”

“What her? There is no her! Finn is a _boy_ ,” Will says.

“She _feels_ like a girl, in her head. And that's what matters. How is is that I'm an uneducated redneck mechanic, and you're a teacher who's gone to college, and yet I know more about this stuff than you? Sex is what's between your legs, while gender's what's between your ears. Don't you know anything? And when they don't match up, the body can be changed, but the brain and the soul or whatever you want to call it _can't_. So if Finn says she's a girl, she's a girl, and you need to stop making her feel like shit just because she's brave enough to speak out for herself,” Burt rants at Will.

“Mr. Hummel raises a good point, Will,” Emma says, and the kids eavesdropping on the other side of the door smile. “Being a teenager is hard enough when you're not struggling with gender identity problems. Finn needs your support, Will, not your condemnation. I have some literature on transgender issues, and I'd appreciate it if you read it.” There's a shuffling in the office that they assume is Emma looking around for pamphlets.

“She's gotten a lot more forceful since she married the creepy dentist man,” Puck observes, out in the hall. “I like it.”

“Dad's awesome,” Vanessa whispers to Kurt, who nods.

“Best dad ever,” Kurt agrees.

“No, she doesn't need to see the guidance counselor,” Burt yells at Will, before lowering his voice to a decent volume. “Nessa's already seeing a therapist, and a doctor. Transitioning is _her_ decision, _not_ yours, and I will support her in any decision she makes. And if you can't treat her like the beautiful, amazing girl she is I will get a lawyer down here and sue you for discrimination.” There's a noise like a chair scraping across the floor, and the door opens. Burt storms out of the office, surprised to see his kids there.

“Hey Dad,” Kurt says softly.

“Hey kiddo. How's it going so far today?” Burt answers Kurt, then asks Vanessa.

“Some idiot spray-painted my locker, but that's about it. Some whispers and stuff, but nobody's gotten in my face or anything. I think the jocks are still scared of you and Sam's mom,” Vanessa says.

“Well, I'm coming back to talk to your principal tomorrow, with your mom. We're going to talk to your principal about having your teachers call you by the right name, if you'd like.”

“I would,” Vanessa says. She knows that she had originally wanted to wait to come out at school. Maybe even wait until after she started HRT. But it seems everyone knows now, and if she could dress like herself, she would be so much more comfortable. She decides then. Tomorrow she's going to get up, get dressed and come into school looking like herself.

“I'll see you kids at home then,” Burt says, patting both his kids on the shoulder before heading back out to work.

“Your dad is so awesome,” Blaine says, not for the first time. His own father was less than accepting of his own gay son, not that it really matters much. The Andersons haven't gotten much more than a Christmas phone call since Mr. Anderson ran off to Spain with his secretary. But at least he sends decent child support payments.

Will steps out of Emma's office and is surprised to see several of his students standing there. He shifts his weight awkwardly before looking at Vanessa.

“Finn, I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings yesterday,” Mr. Schue says.

“It's not hard to figure out, Mr. Schue,” Vanessa says. “I might not be the brightest crayon in the box, but even I knew that you mentored me because boy-me reminded you of yourself in high school. I tell you I'm a girl, you freak. It's not unexpected. But, like, could you try and get over it fast? Because me being a girl doesn't mean you are, I promise, and you really are my favorite teacher, and I don't know if I can make it through all the hell that's likely to come my way without you there to help,” Vanessa says, and Will looks kind of flabbergasted at her statement. “Anyway, we have a meeting with Ms. P.”

The group of teenagers files into Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell's office. There isn't enough room for them all to sit, so Kurt and Rachel sit in the two chairs, the others standing up against the wall of her office.

“So, you kids want to start a Gay-Straight Alliance?” Emma asks the students in front of her.

“Yes Ma'am,” Blaine says, flashing his thousand-watt smile. “We've filled out all the forms, gotten permission from our parents, and even signed up for a meeting room. All we need is a faculty adviser, and we hoped you'd do it.”

“Absolutely,” Emma smiles back. “I've been hoping for a long time somebody would get up the nerve to start one of these groups on campus. Let me take your paperwork, sign it, and hand it in to the office. Since you're all in the glee club, I'm assuming you chose a meeting time that doesn't conflict?”

“Yes Ma'am,” Blaine replies. “Tuesdays and Thursdays after school.”

“Alright them. As soon as the paperwork gets pushed through, I'll get some posters made up, and you can hang them around school,” Emma says. “And Finn, your stepfather was just here. He says you prefer to be called Vanessa?”

“Yeah, Miss P,” Vanessa said.

“Alrighty then. I'll take care of this, and hopefully we can have our first meeting next Tuesday.” Emma smiles at them and waves them out of her office.

“I'll meet up with you guys in a bit,” Kurt says. He's supposed to be going to lunch, but he has something else he needs to take care of. He finds Sue Sylvester in her office.

“We need to talk,” Kurt says.

“Porcelain. To what do I owe this visit?”

“You and I both have a problem. You're not going to win Nationals at this rate. You've lost three Cheerios this year. Two because their parents moved and one because you actually drove her insane. Marlene Kyle's gained fifteen pounds that she couldn't afford to gain, and Toby Ellis has been sneaking into the girls' bathroom to snort coke with Evelyn Smith. If that was discovered the whole squad would be disqualified. I know this and I've been here for two days. Even with Quinn back on the squad you don't have the edge you need to win. This is your problem. My problem is that my sister recently came out as transgender and people are treating her like crap. I'm used to it, she's not,” Kurt says.

“If Hudson wants to be a freak, I don't see how that's any business of mine,” Sue says.

“Here's where we make our deal. I'll rejoin the Cheerios and deliver a vocal performance so spectacular that we'll outdo last year's performance by leaps and bounds. Even when I was at Dalton I was training with Brittany on the weekends, when I wasn't with family. I'm in great shape, and she and I have come up with a few ideas which will blow the judges' minds. I will win you another Nationals.”

“And what do you want in exchange?” Sue asks.

“I want you to defend _my_ sister with the same ferocity and intensity you would use to protect and defend your own sister,” Kurt says.

“That's it? You just want me to protect Hudson from the bullies and bigots?” Sue asked.

“That's it,” Kurt confirms.

“You've got a deal, kid. Get changed back into your uniform. I'm making you co-captain with Quinn.”

“You've got it, Coach,” Kurt says.

*****

“What are you wearing?” Blaine asks when Kurt strolled into the lunch room. Lunch is almost over, but Blaine had saved him something. Blaine's sitting at a lunch table with Vanessa, Rachel, Puck, Sam, Brittany, Lauren and Santana.

“Coach Sylvester put me back on the squad. And she made me co-captain with Quinn,” Kurt says, taking the salad Blaine holds out to him.

“I know you'd said you were a cheerleader,” Blaine says, his eyes glued on Kurt, “But I hadn't realized...”

“Just how hot he'd look in the uniform?” Rachel asks. “I know, right?”

“Huh?” Kurt asks, surprise.

“You're hot, Kurt,” Lauren says, “You rock that look better than all the boy Cheerios.”

“And some of the girls,” Brittany says. “Not me though. I look awesome.”

“Dude, I'm straight and even I'd have to admit I considered banging you last year, just to keep my perfect Cheerios record,” Puck says, and everyone just stares at him.

“Well, you missed your chance,” Blaine said, wrapping an arm around Kurt's shoulder's possessively.

“Don't worry, pretty-boy, I have no desire to steal your man,” Puck promises.

Kurt scarfs down his salad just in time to make it to class. Blaine walks him to class and kicks him quickly on the cheek before going off to his own class. They're still not quite used to being at McKinley. The anti-PDA rules were so strict at Dalton that Blaine has to regularly remind himself it's okay to hold Kurt's hand in public. Of course, it's only his second day at McKinley, so he's fairly sure he'll get over his anxieties eventually. Blaine turns away from the door and begins walking down the hall towards his next class. He's about ten feet away when suddenly Karofsky and Vaughn are in front of him, and before he's had the chance to duck, he has his first slushie facial. Kurt was right, it is like being bitch-slapped by an iceberg. The bullies scatter and through the haze of blue ice he sees Tina standing in the doorway of the girls' bathroom waving him over. She looks around, then sneaks him into the girl's bathroom to clean off.

“Did you bring a change of clothes?” Tina asks.

“In my locker,” Blaine says.

“What's the combination?” Tina asks.

“13-15-3,” Blaine says.

“I'll be right back,” Tina promises. “Start washing your face off.”

“Thanks,” Blaine says. She darts out of the bathroom and he starts wiping off the blue ice, shivering slightly. The door opens and Blaine prepares to hide in the stall from random girl, since he's probably not supposed to be in here, but it's Mercedes who steps over the threshold. She surveys him and sighs.

“Slushied?” she asks.

Blaine nods, but doesn't say anything.

“What, not talking to me either?” she sighs.

“Sorry, I don't talk to bigots,” Blaine says

“I am _not_ a bigot,” Mercedes replies. “But some points of view are just plain evil.”

“Yeah,” Blaine agrees. “Yours. I heard you yesterday. You said to Kurt, 'I thought you were a good person, even though you're gay.'” Blaine mimics Mercedes' tone from the previous day. “One of the best ways to tell if something is homophobic is to replace the word 'gay' with the word 'black' and see how it flow,” Blaine says. He's been staring at the mirror, but he turns to face Mercedes now. “So how would you feel if I said, 'You know, Mercedes, I think you're a good person, even though you're black.' Hurts, doesn't it?”

“I didn't mean it like that,” Mercedes starts to argue. “Kurt _is_ a good person, but my mom says that this trans-whatever stuff is poison. God _never_ makes mistakes, and to say so is blasphemy.”

“The Hudson-Hummels don't even believe in God,” Blaine says. “Isn't that worse blasphemy from your point of view? I believe in God, though. I go to church every Sunday, with my mom and sister. We drive out to Columbus to go to a pro-gay church. And you know what? There are several trans people at my church. And gay guys and lesbians and straight people. We all go to church, we all love God the same, and God loves us all the same. Because that's what God is about. _Love_. Not this _hate_ you're spewing. That's the poison. You and Quinn, are poisonous, tainted, and you're going to infect the whole glee club with your hate. Vanessa needs our love and support right now.” Blaine takes a step closer to Mercedes, who looks visibly upset. “Do you know how high the suicide statistics are for LGBT kids who don't get support from their friends and family? Six times higher than straight teenagers. And Vanessa is going to go through bullying hell.”

“Everyone gets bullied,” Mercedes says. “It makes you stronger.”

“Oh yeah? You weren't _there_ on Saturday. You didn't see what Karofsky did to Finn. Vanessa. There's a huge difference between bullying and sexual harassment, and Karofsky crossed that line,” Blaine flings the words at Mercedes. She looks like she's about to say something, but he doesn't let her. He is very angry.

“Do you understand what it's like to be bullied every day? Told that you're worthless, evil, disgusting, an abomination, unwanted and unloved, every single day? To be called fag, queer, fudge-packer, pansy, sissy, girly-boy, fairy, lady, princess hundreds of times a day? Do you understand how badly those names tear you down?” Blaine is gesticulating wildly as he yells at Mercedes and in his anger he makes a snap decision. To hell with keeping his own secrets. He'd pushed his sleeves back for standing at the sink, and now he's holding his wrist right in front of Mercedes' face. He needs her to see the scar. To understood why he's transferred schools twice. Why he feels the need to protect Vanessa. Because he's been there and he can't let her go through what he went through.

“What?” Mercedes asks, not sure what her eyes are seeing.

“I was a freshman when I tried to kill myself. Some bullies had stripped me down to my underwear, painted 'fag' across my chest and then duct-taped me to the flagpole. The internet video went viral. Nobody called me by my name anymore. Everyone addressed me by epithets. I heard new epithets every day. I went to the principal and was told there was nothing they could do. I didn't see a way out. I couldn't see any reason to stay alive and go through three and a half more years of hell. Thank God my mother found me or I'd be dead. I've got a fairly good support system now, thankfully, but it's still hard. But that poison that pushed me to try and kill myself, that hate, that's what you pushed onto Finn and Kurt yesterday in glee club. I used to think that you were an amazing person, Mercedes. I really liked spending time with you. But that was before I knew you were a disgusting bigot capable of so much hate. Maybe if you prove me wrong, we can be friends. Maybe Kurt will want to be your friend again. But I do know that until you apologize for the shit you said yesterday, your BFF isn't going to answer any of your texts.”

Blaine notices Tina then, holding his clothes and looking stunned. “Thanks for the clothes, Tina, but I think I'm going to risk changing in the boys' room.” He takes the clothes from Tina and walked out, not taking the time to look back at a stunned, shell-shocked Mercedes.

*****

“Don't be mad at me, okay?” Blaine says to Kurt when they meet up at the end of the day.

“Why would I be mad at you?” Kurt asks. He slips his hand into Blaine's easily as they walk down hall towards their lockers.

“I bumped into Mercedes when Tina sneaked me into the girls' room, and I gave her a piece of my mind. I think I might have been too mean, calling her a bigot and a bad person. And then I tried to scare her by telling her about freshman year.”

Kurt squeezes Blaine's hand in comfort. Blaine had told him months ago about the events that led up to him transferring to Dalton, but Kurt still feels so sad for that 14-year-old Blaine who didn't think he had any options.

“Mercedes means well, but she's lived a pretty sheltered life. Even with the bullying, she doesn't quite see the darker sides of life,” Kurt says. “After my dad's heart attack, she invited me to her church, and it was obvious that she was trying to be comforting, but it never occurred to her that I might not feel comfortable going to her church. It was okay I didn't feel threatened or anything, several of the parishioners gave me some nasty look and I heard some whispers. Everyone kept telling me they were praying for me, and I honestly couldn't tell you if they meant they were praying for my dad's heart, or for me being gay, but I'd guess the later. I was just uncomfortable,” Kurt feels Blaine squeeze his hand before he stops at his locker. He turns to open his locker but keeps talking.

“But Mercedes, as sweet and wonderful as she is usually, doesn't think that people might not share her view of the world. It's he way she was raised. Quinn as well, though Quinn holds more bitterness in her heart, because of her parents. And Quinn, I'm sure, feels at least a tiny bit threatened that her ex is transgender, because what might that mean about her? I believe that Quinn and Mercedes both had good hearts, they just need a reality check to see that the works isn't the way they imagine it is,” Kurt says.

“Yeah,” Blaine says. “Hell, I've got a mother who takes me to Inclusion Church every week, and is completely ensconced in the gay community, trying to make sure I have a good, accepted life, and yet I still treated Lisa like crap for almost two years because I didn't quite _get_ it.”

Kurt doesn't have the chance to say anything because Santana's there, by his locker.

“So, Quinn heard about you being her co-captain and she is _pissed_. Oh, and Brittany and Tina have threatened Artie and Mike with absolutely no nookie whatsoever unless they start being nice to Vanessa. I give them until Monday before they beg her for forgiveness. A whole weekend with no kisses? They'll give in pretty quick,” Santana spills out.

“Probably,” Blaine says and Kurt agrees. “Once you've had sex, having sex privileges revoked is a good incentive for anything.”

“Very true,” Kurt agrees.

“So, the two of you,” Santana starts “Are you humping like gay bunnies, or what?”

“Santana Lopez, my sex life is none of your business,” Kurt says, holding himself tall, giving her a smug, prim look. Kurt doesn't see Blaine give Santana a wink and a nod from behind his back.

*End 7*


	8. Freedom is Knowing Who You Are, and Being Comfortable in Your Own Skin

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear, eventually this story will contain sexual content that doesn't make people cry. Be patient with me? There is a very frank masturbation scene in this chapter, but I didn't think it was graphic enough to raise the rating yet.  
> And the book Burt gives Mercedes is a real book. It's the top result on Amazon when you search for “transgender.”  
> The song Puck sings is called “Emotionless” by Good Charlotte. Because, you know, Vanessa can't keep _all_ the angst to herself. ;-)

Vanessa wakes up early Friday morning. She takes a quick shower and then goes back into her room. She looks at the mirror for a minute. She's tall enough that when she stands close to the mirror, her head gets cut off, and it's just a body underneath. Like this, the body isn't too bad. She's just looking at some man's body. Distanced like this, she can think about it rationally., without wanting to cry or scream. It's a nice body. In good shape, not too much pudge. She would want to be held by a body like that. Have strong, muscled arms wrap around her, tuck her head under the chin of a man taller than her. That would be a nice body to cuddle against. But it wasn't her body. She was thinking too much. In a few more months, once she was eighteen, her doctor would sign off on HRT, and she'd start her transition. She was already saving money, not for college, but for her sex-change. It would be expensive, and it would probably be years before she could afford it. But someday her body would look right.

The body in the mirror looks similar enough in shape to Puck's body that she's able to pretend it's Puck she's looking at. Puck who is an asshole and a jerk sometimes, but is still sweet and caring, and would go to the mat for her in a heartbeat. She wraps her arms around herself and pretends for a moment that Puck is holding her. Puck with his strong jaw and muscled arms. His perfect abs. She's about to start getting dressed when she looks down and notices she has an erection.

“Fuck.” The expletive slips from her lips. She knows she'll never be able to get the gaff on until it's gone, and she doesn't have the time to wait for it to go away on it's own. She'll have to take care of it the usual way. But not here, not like this in her room that is so feminine now, with the lights on. She double checks to see that the bedroom door is locked, and then grabs some tissues and climbs into her closet,pulling the closet door shut and sitting down on the floor between the wall and the hamper. It's a decent sized closet. Not huge like Kurt's but there's more than enough room for her. She closes her eyes and takes a moment to feel safe in the dark. Nobody can see her here, looking like a freak. A girl with a penis. A rather large and erect penis.

She closes her eyes and wraps her hands around it. For a terrifying second she remembers Karofsky's hands on her over her underwear, but she pushes that aside as fast as she can. The last thing she needs, if she wants this over quickly, is to get herself worked up about that asshole. She thinks about Puck, and how handsome he is. She tries not to think too closely about what she's doing, but just pay attention to how good it feels physically. She tries to pretend she's soft and feminine like Rachel, that Puck is holding her, and he's taller than her. She pretends she has to look up to kiss him. She rubs herself and pretends it's a clitoris she's touching and not a penis. She thinks about Puck once more, and when she finished, she wipes herself clean, and stays in the dark for a few more minutes. Eventually she takes a deep breath and leaves her closet to get dressed.

Once she gets herself situated, and has her bra and panties on, she picks out her clothes. She picks out a black circle skirt that goes a few inches below the knee and has a nice amount of twirl to it, and a purple top. The top has a collar that goes around her throat, but is sleeveless, so it's a good thing she shaved her armpits. She likes it because it covers her adam's apple, but is still pretty and feminine. She picks out a wig from her slowly expanding collection. It's medium brown, shoulder-length and has nice bangs which frame her face and make her face look softer. She's recently discovered that if you can afford it, there's plastic surgery you can have that makes your face more feminine. It's painful and incredibly expensive, but she thinks to herself, _someday._ In the meantime she'll have to settle for make-up and she puts some on. She's getting better at doing this quickly, and also at not stabbing herself in the eye.

When she's dressed, she grabs a soft gray and purple cardigan and her backpack before going downstairs for breakfast. Burt and Carol are already up, Burt reading the paper and Carol making breakfast. Carol sees her walk into the kitchen and gives her that look. That sad look she sometimes gives her when she looks at Vanessa and sees Finn, and looks disappointed. Vanessa hates that look. In the corner of her mind she remembers the suggestion her therapist made about holding a funeral for Finn. She'll talk to Kurt about it, maybe it will help her mom deal a little better with her transition. Give her closure.

“Morning, Sweetie. Breakfast?” Carol asks.

“I'll have a cheese omelet if you're making them,” Vanessa requests, and Carol nods.

“Are you sure you're ready to go to school like that?” Carol said. “You said you wanted to wait.”

“I know I did. But I can't pretend to be Finn anymore. It's too exhausting. You're coming in to talk to Figgins, right?” Vanessa asks, and she sees that look on her mom's face again. She knows that her mom is working _so hard_ at accepting a transgendered daughter, but she also knows it's hard for Carol to let go of her son. The son she had so many hopes and dreams for. The son who reminded her of her first husband.

While she waits for her breakfast, she pulls out her phone and texts Puck, trying not to blush as she thinks about Puck. She tries to push her crush on Puck out of her mind. He's her best friend, and besides, she's dating Rachel. She has a thought she's had before, that it really isn't fair of her to stay with Rachel when she likes Puck so much, but she's not sure she's ready to let go of Rachel yet. Rachel who loved her when she was Finn and continues to love her as Vanessa.

 ** _Will u walk into school with me today? I'm a little nervous.--V_**

 ** _Of course. Something bugging u?--P_**

 _ **Wearing a skirt. Worried bout bullies.--V**_

 _ **No problem babe—P**_

Vanessa tries to pretend her heart didn't pound a little harder when Puck called her Babe. He calls all the girls babe. Of course, it's nice that he doesn't even hesitate to think of her as a girl. She looks up from her phone as Kurt walks into the kitchen. He's wearing his Cheerios uniform, and she's glad he had at least a couple of days to wear whatever he wanted after leaving Dalton. She reminds herself that summer vacation is coming fast, and both she and Kurt can wear whatever they want all summer long.

“I love that top, Nessa,” Kurt says, “And it goes really well with that cardigan. You look adorable today.”

“Thanks,” Vanessa says. “You do rock the Cheerios uniform. I know you miss dressing like yourself.”

“It's okay,” Kurt says, “I get respect at McKinley when I wear this—at least some—and I get to wear whatever I want on weekends.”

“We definitely have a couple of fashion plates, Carol,” Burt observes setting his newspaper down. “Vanessa, our meeting with the principal is at ten. Rachel's father, Thomas—the one who's a lawyer—is joining us in case we need to threaten the school.”

“Okay,” Vanessa says. She looks at Kurt. “Puck's going to meet me in the parking lot to walk in with me, in case anyone gets in my face.”

“Cool. Blaine's going to meet me in the parking lot too,” Kurt gets that dopey look on his face whenever he talks about Blaine.

Vanessa and Kurt eat their breakfast. Well, Vanessa eats breakfast. Kurt drinks coffee and nibbles on a granola bar. Vanessa wonders if he's still following that ridiculous diet plan that the Vocal Adrenaline coach gave them sophomore year. They finish breakfast then head out to the Navigator to drive to school. Although Vanessa has her own vehicle, it's better for them to carpool, so they can save gas money. They both have Glee after school, and Kurt has Cheerios, so Vanessa will either get a ride home with a friend or work on homework while Kurt's at practice.

“Mom's having trouble letting go of Finn,” Vanessa says as they drive to school.

“Yeah. She'll get over it eventually,” Kurt says.

“I know. My therapist suggested something that might help, and I was wondering if you'd help me with it.”

“What?” Kurt asks, curious.

“She says we should have a funeral for Finn. Burn some pictures or some of Finn's clothes. Say goodbye to Finn. She says doing something like that can help Mom get closure,” Vanessa said.

“That sounds like a pretty good idea,” Kurt agrees. “We could even invite some of the glee club, if you wanted.”

“Maybe,” Vanessa says. “I guess it depends on how practice goes today.”

“Okay,” Kurt says, and they pull into the school parking lot. Puck and Blaine are waiting there by Blaine's car, talking about something. In the mostly empty parking lot, Blaine grabs Kurt by the hand and pulls him close, kissing him hard. Kurt kissed Blaine back eagerly. Blaine was usually very reserved about PDA, preferring to keep anything other than hand-holding or quick pecks for behind closed doors.

“Why, Mr. Anderson,” Kurt looks well-kissed when they break apart. “That is definitely a nice way to say 'Good morning'.”

“I thought so,” Blaine agrees.

“So what were you two talking about before we got here?” Kurt asks.

“Mr. Puckerman was questioning the intensity of our sex life,” Blaine says. Puck looks on in disbelief, like he can't believe that Blaine is going to tell Kurt what he said.

“Really, now?” Kurt asks.

“Yes. It seems that Mr. Puckerman here is under the belief that you are—how did he put it? Oh yes—'a frigid bitch'.”

“Noah Puckerman,” Kurt says, pretending to look scandalized. “I take offense to that. Bitch, yes. Frigid, no.”

Puck looks at the two boys, their fingers interlaced, laughs, and then smirks, but says nothing. Kurt turns back to face Blaine.

“So, wanna go skip homeroom and go make out in the backseat of my Navigator?” Kurt asks Blaine.'

“Tempting. But it's only my third day. Best not get in trouble yet,” Blaine says.

“Nessa, you look hot,” Puck says, greeting Vanessa who looks as amused by the exchanges between Kurt and Blaine as Puck does.

“Thanks,” Vanessa blushes. “I'm a little nervous.”

“Don't worry about it. Evans and I figured out a schedule to make sure that as least one of us is with you all day. And we're not afraid to crack some skulls to keep you safe,” says. He offers Vanessa his arm. “Can I escort you to class?”

“Okay,” Vanessa says, and hesitantly puts her arm through his. Puck walks her straight to homeroom, and since her last name starts with Hu, she's in the same homeroom as Kurt. Kurt walks in before Vanessa. Vanessa holds her head up high and walks in behind Kurt.

“Mr. Hudson, what on earth are you wearing?” The home room monitor, Mr. Silver, asks. “Is this another glee club stunt?”

“No sir,” Vanessa says softly. “It's Miss Hudson. I'm transgender, and I will be attending school as a girl from now on.” She turns away from the flabbergasted teacher and takes her seat next to Kurt. She knows that all eyes are on her, and will be on her for the rest of the day. She can do this. Here, dressed as herself, looking like a girl, she can do this. She has about two hours before her mom and Burt and Mr. Berry are going to come and talk to Figgins. With her friends by her side, she'll make it through the day.

*****

Honestly, Vanessa doesn't pay too much attention during the meeting with Principal Figgins. Her parents do a lot of talking, and shouting, and Mr. Berry uses a lot of big words that Vanessa doesn't entirely understand, although she gets the gist of it. They were telling Figgins that he had to convince the teachers to call her Vanessa, and treat her like a girl, or else there was going to be some huge scandal in the papers that talked about how prejudiced the administration of McKinley was. And also, they'd sue the school for discrimination.

“It's standard protocol to address students only by the name on their birth certificates,” Figgins protests.

“Bullshit,” Burt says. “There's not a person in this school who calls Noah Puckerman by his given name. I've heard teachers and coaches call him Puck. And Michael Chang is called 'Mike', and nobody calls Becky Jackson 'Rebecca.' It's already established for teachers to call students by nicknames. We want you to call our child Vanessa.”

“You don't have a say in Mr. Hudson's educations as you are not his legal guardian,” Figgins insists.

“Actually, I legally adopted Finn three weeks after the wedding. Carol legally adopted Kurt as well. Vanessa's name is still Finn Hudson, for the time being. But there is no reason why you can't ask the teachers to call her Vanessa in class. No legal reason. We're asking you to please inform your teachers that our child would like to be addressed as Vanessa in class. And that she be allowed to take gym with the girls, and use the girls' locker room.” Burt insists.

“The name I can do,” Figgins says “But I cannot allow Finn to change in the girls locker room or take gym with the girls! He is still physically a boy!”

“It's okay, Dad. I can stay in my gym class. Sam and Puck are in it with me,” Vanessa says.

“Maybe Vanessa can change in nurse's office?” Carol suggests

“I suppose,” Figgins says.

The door swings open and Sue storms in. She looks at Vanessa and smiles.

“Red Sonja, how goes the negotiations?”

“Huh?” Vanessa asks.

“Is Figgins here cooperating with your new gender-identity?” Sue asked.

“Not entirely,” Vanessa says honestly. “He agreed to ask the teachers to call me Vanessa, but he won't let me take girls' gym or use the girls' locker room.”

“The Cheerios have their own locker room. You can use ours,” Sue says.

“But I'm not on the Cheerios,” Vanessa says.

“You are now,” Sue answers. “You're the new alternate, and Becky's back-up. She's my assistant, you're her assistant. You can help her get things she can't reach.”

“Well, that settles it then,” Burt says. “Vanessa can use the Cheerios locker room, but will remain in the boys gym class.”

“Thanks, Coach Sylvester,” Vanessa smiles. “Do I have to wear a Cheerios uniform to school every day?”

“Not as an alternate,” Sue says. “Get back to class. I want to talk to your parents for a few minutes, then Principal Figgins and I are going to have a little chat.”

“Okay,” Vanessa says, and she leaves the Principal's office. She actually has a free period now, so she decides to go kill time in the choir room. It's in the middle of a class period right now, so there's nobody in the hall. She walks confidently to the choir room and slips inside, but she's not expecting Artie to be there working out chords on guitar. She's halfway to the drum kit when he looks up.

“Hi,” Vanessa says.

“Hi,” Artie says. He sets the guitar down and looks up at her. “I don't get it, I'm sorry.”

“I'm a girl. My body is male, for now, but my brain is female. I feel like girl inside,” Vanessa explains simply.

“I don't get why anyone, anyone lucky enough to be a guy, especially a guy as awesome and perfect as you, would want to be a girl,” Artie says.

“I've always wanted to be a girl. My whole life,” Vanessa answers, but Artie doesn't look appeased. He looks agitated.

“Don't get me wrong, Girls are great to look at, or make out with, and they're great for sex, but I don't know why you'd want to _be_ one. Women are dangerous. Women ruin everything in the end. They're selfish and greedy and demanding and controlling and all they do is take, take, take. They take _everything_ from you. All you are. Until you are nothing. Until you have _nothing_ left,” Artie had started out calmly, but by the end of his rant he's yelling, and it looks like there's tears threatening to spill out of his eyes. He puts his hands on his wheels, spins around, and rolls out the door before she can say anything.

Suddenly, Vanessa gets it. She understands what Tina had meant when she had said Artie has issues with women. She understands, all at once, that Artie's hesitancy to her new identity has absolutely nothing to do with homophobia or transphobia. It's misogyny, pure and simple. Only not simple, because Vanessa gets it. For whatever reason, Artie blames women—all women—for his paralysis. And Vanessa's not sure she can compete with that. But at least if he's going to hate her, she knows why.

****

The last person Mercedes Jones expects to come up to talk to her in the hallway is Burt Hummel, but she turns away from her locker with her history books and there he is.

“Mr. Hummel,” she says, surprised.

“Mercedes,” he nods to her. “My kids tell me you've said some pretty hurtful things the last couple of days.”

She feels like squirming under his 'stern dad' gaze. But she can't deny. “I never wanted to hurt anyone, I promise,” she says.

“I know. But the thing is, thinking that somebody is evil or wrong, those kind of thoughts are dangerous, because they can't help but hurt people. Mercedes, I've never taken the time to thank you for being there for Kurt the last couple of years,” Burt says.

“Hmm?”

“I ain't stupid. I know that at the beginning of the year Kurt didn't have any friend except you and Abrams and the quiet girl with the weird hair. And I think that if you hadn't been there for him, he may have done something stupid, and I might not have a son at all. So thank you for keeping him alive, kid. But Kurt's a lot stronger now. He doesn't need you to give him a reason to live anymore, he has lots of friends now. So, I'm gonna warn you, Mercedes, if you don't get your head out of your butt, and realize how much _you_ need Kurt—and Vanessa—fast, you're going to wake up someday soon and find out he doesn't need you anymore,” Burt levels his eyes at her and gave her a sympathetic smile, “I am absolutely not trying to be mean or cruel or nothing, but Kurt and Vanessa are moving forward, and you're stuck in place.” He hands her a book. “Here. Read this book. And think hard about what I've said. Right now, you still have a chance to fix your friendship with my kids, but you have to act fast.” Burt nods to her, turned and walked out of the school.

Mercedes looks down at the book in her hands _Transgender Explained for Those Who are Not,_ by Joanne Herman. She has a free period after lunch. Maybe she'll thumb through it.

******

Glee club is mostly uneventful, at least as far as Vanessa is concerned. Quinn, Mercedes and Mike don't really acknowledge Vanessa, but nobody says anything cruel. Tina, Rachel and Puck sing their 'secret,' song. Puck drawing most of the attention to himself when he grabs his guitar and starts singing a song about his father.

 _Hey dad  
I’m writing to you   
Not to tell you   
That I still hate you   
Just to ask you   
How you feel   
And how we fell apart   
How this fell apart _

_Are you happy out there  
In this great wide world?  
Do you think about your son,   
Do you miss your little girl?  
When you lay your head down   
How do you sleep at night?  
Do you even wonder if we’re alright?  
But we’re alright   
We’re alright._

 _It’s been a long hard road without you by my side  
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried?  
You broke my mother’s heart   
You broke your children for life   
It’s not ok but we’re alright   
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes   
But those are just a long lost memory of mine   
I spent so many years   
Learning how to survive   
Now I’m writing just to let you know   
I’m still alive. _

_The days I spent  
So cold, so hungry   
Were full of hate   
I was so angry   
The scars run deep inside   
This tattooed body   
There’s things I’ll take   
To my grave   
But I’m ok   
I’m ok ._

 _It’s been a long hard road without you by my side  
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried   
You broke my mother’s heart   
You broke your children for life   
It’s not ok but we’re alright   
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes   
But those are just a long lost memory of mine   
Now I’m writing just to let you know   
I’m still alive   
And I’m still alive. _

_Sometimes I forget  
Yeah, and this time   
I’ll admit that I miss you   
Said I miss you _

_It’s been a long hard road without you by my side  
Why weren’t you there the nights that we cried   
You broke my mother’s heart   
You broke your children for life   
It’s not ok but we’re alright   
I remember the days you were a hero in my eyes   
But those are just a long lost memory of mine   
Now I’m writing just to let you know   
I’m still alive ._

 _And sometimes I forget  
This time I’ll admit   
That I miss you   
I miss you   
Hey dad._

Puck's voice breaks on the last line, and he's stopped strumming the guitar. He barely has the time to set the guitar down before he's engulfed in hugs as Tina, Brittany, Rachel and Lauren all flock to hug him. Vanessa waits until the others have stopped hugging Puck to wriggle in there herself, wrapping her arms around her best friend. Puck doesn't even hesitate to move into the hug. He sets his head on Vanessa's shoulder and lets her hold him for a few minutes. He hides his face in her long brown hair, while he waits for the tears to disappear. When they stop hugging, his face has the usual Puckerman smirk on it, as the mask slides back into place. They've used up glee practice and it's time for Kurt and the girls to go to Cheerios practice. Vanessa plans on sitting on a bench and watching, so Puck and Blaine go with her. Rachel has to go home because it's almost Friday evening and her father is more strict about the Sabbath than Puck's mom is.  
.   
On their way out of the choir room, Mr. Schue stops Vanessa with a hand on her shoulder.

“Fi—Vanessa. I'm sorry I haven't reacted in the best possible way. But I'm going to try an understand, okay?”

“Okay, Mr. Schue,” Vanessa said, smiling. “I'm glad. You're, like, one of the biggest reasons I didn't kill myself last year, and it would completely suck if you weren't my friend anymore.” She nods at Mr. Schue before following Puck and Blaine out to the bleachers, not looking back to see the stunned look on her teacher's face.

*****

“I do not currently plan on unseating you from power,” Kurt says as he comes up behind Quinn.

“Good,” Quinn says. “You can't. I can get Sue support from the Right-Wing Christian groups, and you can't.”

“I can get Sue support from the civil rights groups, PFFLAG, GLAAD, and several other gay-rights organizations, and you can't,” Kurt counters. “I also have a vocal range more than double yours, and can stay on-pitch while doing a backflip. This is why she wants me on the squad. But I'm not your biggest threat, Quinn.”

“Oh no?” Quinn asks. “Who is then?”

“You are. You are so caught up in following the rules your father set for you that you don't realize that you're isolating your boyfriend and your friends. I totally get that you might be threatened or even embarrassed that your ex-boyfriend is in the process of becoming your ex-girlfriend, but that doesn't give you an excuse to be a bitch about it. Because if you say too many homophobic or transphobic things, you're going to lose more than me and Vanessa as friends. You need to remember that your boyfriend—who loves you—has two amazing, _lesbian_ moms, and won't take too them being insulted.”

“I'd never say anything bad about Sam's moms. They're really nice,” Quinn says.

“Think about the things you used to say about Rachel and her dads. Some of the jokes you've cracked about me. The slur about Vanessa not being able to be a real man. Every time you say something mean about somebody who's LGBTQ, you're insulting all of us. Including your boyfriend and his moms.”

Quinn's eyes widen. “I...I still think it's weird. But I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. I'm not going to apologize for being a bitch, not really, because you know what a requirement it is to make it in this school.”

“I know. And I understand. But you might be the only person who can get Mercedes to see reason, since I'm apparently too gay to be a good person,” Kurt says, and the hurt in his voice is evident, though he tries to squash it quickly.

Quinn nods. She and Mercedes became close during the last month of her pregnancy. If she can wrap her head around it all, she might be able to get Mercedes to at least talk to Kurt and Finn.

“Do me a favor, Quinn. Look over there,” Kurt points to where Vanessa is sitting with Puck and Blaine, laughing about something, with a huge smile on her face.

Quinn takes in the scene, and can't help but smile herself.

“Now tell me, when is the last time you can remember Finn looking so happy and so free?” Kurt asks gently.

“I, I don't think he's ever looked so happy before,” Quinn admits.

“Look up transgender on wikipedia when you get home. Read the whole article, then feel free to call us, or Sam. I know it weirds you, but Vanessa is so much happier as a girl than Finn ever was as a boy.”

“Okay,” Quinn agrees. “Anyway, lets start running before Coach guts us.”

“Agreed,” Kurt says.

*End 8*


	9. Breaking Up is Hard to Do

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just want to say that when I started this story, we'd never seen Blaine outside of his uniform, so I totally imagined his fashion sense, but I'm sticking with my version of Blaine, who thinks stonewashed jeans with ripped out knees, surfer shirts, flannel overshirts and skateboard sneakers are the height of fashion. Also, I've been watching a lot of transition vlogs on YouTube, and they're really helping me write this story. The song Rachel sings is “I Will Always Love You,” originally by Dolly Parton, but she sings the Whitney Houston version, which is a little different.

Life is far from perfect. Kurt watches his sister struggle at school over the next couple of weeks. People are catty and cruel, though Coach Sylvester has her eye out for them. Quinn and Mercedes haven't reached out to any of them, or tried to mend bridges, but they're not being openly hostile, which Kurt feels is better than nothing. He misses Mercedes a lot, but he's found he's texting with Lisa a lot more now. All those hours he used to spend texting or talking on the phone with Mercedes he now spends talking to Lisa. It's not like he intended to replace his BFF. He still cares about Mercedes, he really does, but when she took a step back from him, Lisa was already there to fill the void, and the progression to best friends just felt natural. And when he's not talking to Lisa, he's with Blaine, who is pretty much the most perfect boyfriend Kurt can imagine, even though he has horrible fashion sense.

Blaine's fitting in pretty well at McKinley. He joined the baseball team, and he, Puck and Sam seem to be developing some sort of strange bromance that confuses their friends. Sam and Quinn are taking a break, but Sam's still hung up on her. Most of her friends expect she'll come around, especially as Junior Prom approaches. If she wants to will prom queen, she needs to regain some of her popularity. Mike came around pretty quickly after Tina imposed her nookie ban, and apologized to Vanessa. They didn't talk much, but Mike never spoke much.

Vanessa is sitting at her computer on a Saturday. Kurt's out with Brittany and Santana and Vanessa is IMing with Lisa who keeps sending her YouTube links. Apparently there's a decent-sized trans community on YouTube, with people posting video diaries about their transitions, and their experiences with HRT and surgery and coming out. Lisa is specifically sending her links to this one girl, who used to be a male bodybuilder before she came out. Vanessa feels slightly more confident, watching this girl's transition on YouTube, because when she was living as a boy, her boy self was even more muscular and defined than Finn was. And even though Vanessa doesn't work out the way Finn did, lifting weights and doing training for football, she still works out, trying to stay in shape. Somehow, seeing this girl's transformation online makes Vanessa feel a little bit better about herself. She's watching YouTube videos when Rachel shows up at her door.

“Your mom let me in,” Rachel says. “Can I come in?”

“Sure,” Vanessa says, pulling Rachel into a hug. “We didn't have plans today, is something up?”

“Yeah,” Rachel said. “I want to talk about some stuff. But first, can I sing you this song I've been working on? It kinda says what's on my mind better than I think I can.”

“Sure,” Vanessa said, smiling. That was just like Rachel, wanting to express herself through song.

Rachel sets down the portable CD player she's carrying and hits play. Vanessa recognizes the song from one of those movies that Carole used to watch whenever one of her boyfriends broke up with her.

 _“If I should stay,  
I would only be in your way.   
So I'll go, but I know   
I'll think of you every step of the way. _

_And I will always love you.  
I will always love you.   
You, my darling you. Hmm. _

_Bittersweet memories  
that is all I'm taking with me.   
So, goodbye. Please, don't cry.   
We both know I'm not what you, you need. _

_And I will always love you.  
I will always love you. _

_I hope life treats you kind  
And I hope you have all you've dreamed of.   
And I wish to you, joy and happiness.   
But above all this, I wish you love. _

_And I will always love you.  
I will always love you.” _

“You're breaking up with me?” Vanessa asks. She'd gotten the gist of the song pretty quickly.

“I'm always going to love you. But when we first started going out, when you were still acting like a boy, you were the stable, steady one that put up with how high-maintenance I am. I mean, you were there, to protect me and take care of me, and now you're all vulnerable and I love you, I do, but you need somebody who can take care of you, and I just can't do that Nessa. I'm not the person for you, I'm too flighty and high-maintenance. It''s not working between us. I still want to be your friend, and I still want to sing duets with you, but I can't be your girlfriend anymore, I'm so sorry.” Rachel's crying while she rambles, and Vanessa closes the distance between them, wrapping Rachel up in a tight hug.

“It's okay. I will always love you, Rachel,” Finn tells the short girl. “You were my first real love, and you've helped me through so much. But I understand what you're saying, and I don't hold it against you.”

“I really do care about you,” Rachel promises.

“I know. I care about you too. But it isn't enough, is it?” Vanessa asks.

“No,” Rachel agrees. She hugs Nessa tightly, closing her eyes and burying herself in Nessa's faded flannel shirt. Vanessa hadn't been planning on going out today, so she'd in 'boy mode,' just wearing pajamas, without a wig or any make-up. It's Saturday morning, so she's still wearing what she fell asleep in last night. And with her cheek pressed against the soft flannel, Rachel can pretend that she's being held by the first boy she ever fell in love with, Finn Hudson. The boy who stood up for her when she was picked on, and took her bowling and treated her like his princess. Not the girl who was still figuring herself out as a person. And when Rachel realized how much she missed that boy, she was struck with intense guilt. “I'm going to go home.”

“You don't have to,” Vanessa says.

“I kinda do,” Rachel says.

“Are you still coming over tomorrow for movies with me and Kurt and the others?” Vanessa asks.

“Do you still want me to?” Rachel asks.

“Yes,” Vanessa says firmly. “You're still my friend, you're still Kurt's friend, so you're still invited to movie day.”

“Sounds good,” Rachel smiles weakly. “See you tomorrow.” She grabs her CD player and practically runs down the stairs and out the front door.

Vanessa is left behind in her room feeling awkward and alone. Before she really thinks about what she's doing, her phone is out and she's texting Puck.  
 _ **Rachel broke up w/ me—V**_

 **_I'll b over in 1 hr. G2 take Sarah 2 Sam's 4 sleepover w/ Kat.—P_ **

Vanessa grinned. She hadn't even asked and he was coming over, Puck really was a great friend. Well, now that he'd gotten his act together and had stopped putting himself and his dick at top priority, Puck had really started to earn the title of Best Friend. When Vanessa realized Puck was coming over, she changed her mind about staying in her pajamas all day and decided to get out of 'boy mode.' She goes straight for the shower to shave before getting dressed.

*****

“Puck, I didn't know you were coming over today,” Carole says.

“Well, I got a text from V saying she and Rachel just broke up, so I came over to hang out. I know that Kurt is with Brittany and Santana, Sam and Blaine have gone to some nerdy book signing thing, Lauren's at a wrestling tournament, Tina and Mike are celebrating their anniversary or something, and Lisa's in Westerville, so that leaves me. I might not be a girl, but if I understand the chick thing right, break-ups require cookie dough, ice cream and movies, right?” Puck holds up a shopping back and Carole laughs. She's had her concerns about Puck over the past twelve years, but the boy has a good heart, and has really taken to protecting her...daughter.

“Hey Puck,” Vanessa says, walking down the stairs. She's wearing a purple and black knee-length dress, sandals, and a black sweater. Puck finds himself checking out the way the dress hugs her body in all the right places and suddenly realizes how comfortable he's gotten with thinking of Vanessa as a girl, and not as his buddy Finn. “You brought me ice cream?”

“Cherry Garcia's still your favorite, right?” Puck asks, pulling the container from the shopping bag.

“Duh,” Vanessa says.

“Did you and Rachel break up?” Carole asks, putting her arm around her kid.

“Yeah. It was kind of coming, and it's not like we're not friends anymore, 'cause we are, we're just not dating. It wasn't going to work out.”

“Well,do you want to watch movies or something?” Puck offers.

“I'd rather go kick your butt at Call of Duty,” Vanessa says. While she's flattered that Puck assumed she'd want to do 'girly' things first, she still really loves playing video games, and was still really awesome at them.

“Oh hell no,” Puck says. “No way you can beat me.”

“You're on,” Vanessa says, heading up to her bedroom.

“Door open,” Carole says automatically, and Vanessa grins when she realizes her mom is thinking of her as a girl. Back before she'd come out, her mom never would have stipulated that Finn and Puck leave the door open because it wasn't like Finn and Puck were going to have sex. Vanessa realizes she's blushing a little as she climbs the stairs. She really needs to do something about her crush on Puck.

*****

Kurt is at the mall with Brittany and Santana when he gets the text from Rachel.

 _ **Broke up with V. Please don't hate me.--R**_

 _ **Is V okay with it?--K**_

 ** _Yes. We're still friends. She still wants me to come over tomorrow. We're just not dating.--R_**

 ** _Not mad. Kinda saw it coming.--K_**

 ** _Think we can get Puck to ask her to prom?--R_**

“Interesting idea,” Kurt says aloud.

“What?” Santana asks.

“Rachel and Nessa broke up,” Kurt says. “Apparently it's all good and they're still friends. Rachel is wondering if we can get Puck to ask Vanessa to prom.”

“They are so, like, totally perfect for each other,” Brittany says. “It's so obvious that Vanessa likes Puck, and Puck likes her more than all the other girls.”

“Yeah, but it's Puck, and he's straight and all about sex. Is he going to want to go for V?” Santana asks.

“I don't know,” Kurt said, “But it's interesting to think about, nonetheless. Are you two going to prom?”

“Well, I was invited to both junior and senior prom by several different guys,” Santana says, “I haven't figured out who I'm going with yet.”

“I'm going with Artie, but I told him I'll only have sex with him after if he's nice to Vanessa,” Brittany says. “Are you going with Blaine?”

Kurt nods. “Is Puck still into Lauren?”

“I don't know,” Santana says. “Maybe. He just likes girls who are bad ass. Personally I think he'd be better with Vanessa than with Lauren.”

“How do we make Puck figure out he's perfect for Vanessa?” Brittany wonders.

“We'll have to put some thought into it,” Kurt says.

*****

On Sunday, they have a big movie marathon. Lisa and Tracy are invited, along with all of the glee club (although it's assumed that several of them won't show up), and even Wes, David and Jeff decide to show up to hang out. Kurt assumes it's because his former Warbler teammates know how many girls Kurt is friends with. There is an awkward moment when Kurt introduces Vanessa to Wes, David and Jeff, and they take a second to reconcile the tall girl they're looking at with their memory of Kurt's stepbrother.

“So, you keep looking at your phone every two minutes. What's going on with you and Princess?” Lauren asks Sam. They're all hanging out in the living room

“I don't know,” Sam says “She asked me what she had to do for me to take her back, and I told her, straight up, if she wants me to be her date to prom, she has to apologize to Vanessa. She's thinking about it.”

“I broke up with Artie last night,” Brittany says, seemingly out of the blue.

“Just yesterday, you said you were going to prom with him,” Kurt says, confused.

“I know, but he said some stuff last night that really hurt my feelings,” Brittany says.

“Like what?” Lisa asks.

“Well, I know that Artie thinks he's better than me, and I was okay with that before, 'cause, like, I know he's totally way smarter than me, so it was okay for him to think I'm dumb, since I am. But I realized yesterday that that's not why he's mean.”

“He treats you like you're less than him, because you're a girl, right?” Tina guesses.

“Yeah. I don't like that. I mean, I still think he's cute, and he has an amazing dick,” Brittany adds, not realizing how uncomfortable she's made most of the people with her statement, “It's, like, huge. But I don't want to be his girlfriend anymore.”

“He needs to get his head out of his ass,” Vanessa agrees. “The first day I went to school in a skirt I almost couldn't believe the things he said about how evil women are. It's obvious he blames women for his legs not working.”

“The woman who paralyzed him,” Tina said softly, “Was doing her make-up while driving. That's how the accident happened. He blames her and his mom. I mean, a lot of what Artie says is just talk, because he's overcompensating for the forced perception of paralyzed men as sexless and for the societal infantilism of men in wheelchairs. But he has a lot of negative feelings about women. It's why I broke up with him last summer.”

“Huh?” Vanessa asks.

“She means that society treats guys in wheelchairs like they're not real men anymore,” Kurt explains, and both Vanessa and Brittany nod, having not understood all of Tina's big words.

“It's impolite to talk about somebody when he is not here to defend himself,” Wes says.

“But that's half the fun of it,” Santana says. The boys don't contradict her, and eventually everyone slips into silence, watching the movie that Puck picked, which is an action movie full of explosions. On their days, they take turns picking. There's a knock on the door while they're watching the movie, and then they hear Carole talking with somebody. As the credits roll Carole and Will Schuester come into the living room.

“Vanessa, there's somebody here to talk to you,” Carole says, a hint of confusion and distaste on her face.

“Hey Vanessa, can we go talk about something?” Will asks. Everyone looks confused, But Vanessa stands, smoothing her top down over her jeans, leaving her friends in the living room. She follows Mr. Schuester out onto the front porch to talk while her brother and friends stay in the living room, curious.

“What do you think Mr. Schuester wants?” Rachel asks, curious.

“Something to do with Glee, probably,” Sam says.

“Then why would he just talk to Nessa?” Kurt asks curiously.

“Oh, come on,” Tracy said, “This is Ohio. Probably somebody from your glee club, or your school has complained and is trying to force Vanessa to drop out of the club.”

“Always so cheery,” Lisa remarks about her boifriend, rolling her eyes, but kissing Tracy on the cheek. People debate what Mr. Schue wants with Vanessa, until he leaves and Vanessa comes back into the living room.

“So, what movie are we watching next?” Vanessa asks, walking back into the room.

“What did Mr. Schue want?” Puck asks.

“He wanted to talk to me about Nationals,” Vanessa answers.

“He didn't kick you out of the club or bench you or anything, did he?” Sam asks, and Vanessa sighd. She doesn't really want to relay the agreement she made with Will with the rest of the group, especially not in front of Lisa and Tracy, and some of the Warblers, but everyone's looking at her expectantly.

“No, nothing like that,” Vanessa insists. “He just asked me if I would do the competition in 'boy mode,' and I agreed. It'll be easier for everyone.”

“That's not very fair at all,” Rachel says, frowning.

“He shouldn't pressure you into that,” Kurt says.

“He's not,” Vanessa promises. “He asked me if it was something I would consider doing, and I agreed. It's not worth fighting about. I know who I am, but if pretending to be a boy for a couple of hours gives us a better chance at winning, I can do it.”

“Sometimes it's just so much easier to give people what they want,” Lisa says quietly.

“You have to pick your battles carefully,” Tracy agrees.

“It still doesn't seem right,” Rachel says.

“Agreed,” Puck says. “You should be able to be yourself in New York.”

“And I will be, I just won't be for a couple hours at the competition,” Vanessa says, smirking. “Can I just point out here that all the trans* people in this room are perfectly okay with me slipping back into boy mode for a couple of hours at Nationals, and it's only the cis people who have a problem with it?” She quirks up an eyebrow, and the tension breaks some.

“What is 'cis'?” Jeff asks, confused.

“Cisgender is the opposite of transgender,” Lisa says, “It's when your gender-identity matches the sex you were assigned at birth.”

“I didn't know there was a word for that,” Wes says.

“Most people don't” Tracy says. “It's kinda like heterosexual, it's only been around a little while, and was invented only because there wasn't a word for the concept.”

“Pardon?” David asks, confused.

“The word 'heterosexual' has been around fore less than a a hundred and fifty years,” Blaine says, “Even though the word 'homosexual' existed a lot longer. For centuries it was assumed that everybody, barring a few 'freaks' was straight, so there was no need for a word to describe what everyone was assumed to be. It was only after people started being diagnosed as homosexual by psychiatrists that they started looking for a word that meant the opposite. Cisgender is a word just like it, it didn't exist until somebody started looking for a word that means the opposite of transgender.”

“The concept is called a lexical gap,” Wes pipes in, and he suddenly finds himself being pelted by popcorn.

“Nobody cares, nerd,” Puck grins. “Nessa, you want to pick the next movie?”

“Tracy's the first new person,” Vanessa says, “They should pick.”

“If you pick another war movie, I'm breaking up with you,” Lisa threatens, and Tracy sticks their tongue out in reply, but moves their hand away from where it had been hovering above _Saving Private Ryan_ and instead pops in _But I'm a Cheerleader_. It quickly discovered that most of the group has never seen the movie, so they sit back and enjoy it.

“Who is that, he looks familiar?” Rachel says, pointing at the black man on the screen.

“That's RuPaul, out of drag,” Kurt says.

“Really? That's RuPaul? But where's her big hair and her glittery dress?” Brittany asks.

“That's what RuPaul looks like not dressed up,” Santana explains, and Brittany nods, before they all get back into the movie. The movie is absolutely hilarious and sweet and romantic and everyone enjoys it. After the movie they all pitch in for pizza, and Vanessa places the order while Tracy sneaks out onto the Hummel's back porch for a cigarette, and Puck follow hoping to bum one. Tracy doesn't disappoint, and hands Puck a cigarette and lighter.

“So,” Puck starts, gathering up the balls to ask Tracy _the question_ , “You're a dude, right?”

“Most of the time,” Tracy answers.

“But you were born a chick?” Puck pressed.

“Technically,” Tracy confirms.

“Am I supposed to call you he or she?” Puck asked.

“I prefer 'they,' actually. But male pronouns are cool too. You do realize that all your friends are conspiring to find a way to get you to ask Vanessa to Junior Prom, right?” Tracy changed the subject, ever a fan of honesty.

“What?” Puck asks.

“I don't think Vanessa's in on it, or even aware of it. But apparently, now that she and Rachel are on the outs, your friends are planning on playing matchmaker,” Tracy says, watching Pucks face carefully, judging his reactions. “It's obvious you care about her.”

“She's my best friend,” Puck says.

“So ask,” Tracy says, lifting their cigarette to their lips and taking a slow drag.

“Ask what?” Puck asks, confused.

“Out of the two of us, I'm the only one of us who's dated a trans girl. My gender-identity aside, I've always been attracted to girls. Really femme-y, girly-girls usually,” Tracy smiles. “So, ask me what you've wanted to ask me since you met me, like, two months ago.”

Puck blushes slightly. “What's it like to date a girl who's got a dick?” he asks plainly.

“Not that different to dating a girl with a clit,” Tracy answers honestly. “I love Lisa. When we go out, I usually pay. I hold out doors and chairs for her the way I would for any other girl. And maybe our sex life is...unique...but we _do_ have one. Sometimes she freaks out about her body, and sometimes I freak out about mine, so we take it slow. Just because the girl you're interested in has a penis doesn't make you gay, Puck.”

“I don't even really know how I feel about Vanessa,” Puck says, “Other than the fact that I really care about her, and have for, like, ever.”

“Well, she and Rachel just broke up yesterday, right?” Tracy asks, and Puck nods. “Well, you wouldn't want to ask her out right away anyway, 'cause then you'd be the rebound and it'd never work. I totally think you should ask her to prom, though. And if the idea of it being a date is overwhelming, specify you just want to go as friends. You don't have to move from buddies to hearts-and-flowers lovers overnight.”

“Thanks. You're good at this advice thing.”

“I'm a senior,” Tracy says sagely, “Means I have a year more live experience than you.”

Puck laughs, and then the two of them hide their cigarette butts under a rock before heading back into the house.

*****

Most of the group has left, and Kurt and Blaine have disappeared, most likely using the chaos of the evening to slip away to Kurt's room for some nookie. Vanessa and Puck are the only ones left in the living room, and Puck has been thinking about bringing up prom for a while. They're completely alone when Puck turns to Vanessa.

“Okay, so, I had this idea, and if it's, like, totally insane or whatever, tell me. But since Lauren and I didn't work out, and since you and Rachel broke up, do you want to go to the prom with me?” Puck asks.

“Like, on a date?” Vanessa asks.

“If you want. Or just as friends. 'Cause there's nobody else I'd want to go with,” Puck admits.

“Puck, you're straight,” Finn says.

“And you're a girl,” Puck says. “I admit it's kinda crazy, but I can't seem to get that time in kindergarten when I asked you to marry me out of my head.”

“You still think about that?” Vanessa asks, smiling.

“Yeah,” Puck said. “Listen, I know this is, like, really weird. But you're my best friend, and sometimes when I think of you, I think about my buddy Finn, who I've hung out with for years, and who I totally wronged, like, a lot. But sometimes, when I think about you, I think about you as this girl, who doesn't treat me like a creeper or an idiot. Who doesn't care that I'm poor, and I'm probably always gonna be poor. You're a girl, but you don't treat me like any of the other girls. And if I have to go to the junior prom at all, I'd like it to be with you.”

“Okay,” Vanessa says. “But as friends. Rachel and I only _just_ broke up, and I need to sort out how I feel about her, and how I feel about you, okay?”

“Deal,” Puck says.

“Cool,” Vanessa grins. “Now, let's go into the kitchen and distract my parents before they go looking for Kurt and Blaine.”

“Good idea,” Puck smiles. “We don't want them getting busted right before Nationals.”

*End 9*


	10. Sometimes, wearing a mask can be the best way to smother yourself

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Notes: My plan was to put both Nationals and prom in the same chapter, but Nationals and the surrounding trip turned out a LOT longer than I anticipated, so you'll get prom in the next chappie. :D  
> RENT, “Fast Car” and Les Mis don't belong to me.  
> Okay, so, major props go out to DemonChildKyra who, in addition to making me this AWESOME banner, has been my cheerleader this whole chapter, pushing me to finish.  
> http://i131.photobucket.com/albums/p300/JoyfulKittie/PrettyGirl.jpg

They aren't dating, by any stretch of the imagination. But sometimes, in the hallway, Puck holds Vanessa's hand between classes. And when they sit in the choir room, Puck puts his arm around her shoulders. They're not dating, but it's still wonderful. He's her best friend, and he's got her back no matter what. They eat lunch together too, which isn't too different from normal, because their friends usually eat with them too, but sometimes it's just the two of them, and Vanessa doesn't mind all. Puck's always there for her at school, whenever he's not required to be somewhere else, and Vanessa feels safe. Even when Karofsky and Vaughn and Azimio leer at her from the other side of the room. They're eating lunch together when Quinn and Mercedes walk over to their table, just standing there.

“What do you want?” Puck asks, practically barking at them, but Vanessa sets her hand on his arm to calm him down.

“We're sorry, Fi—Vanessa,” Quinn says.

“We don't _get_ it, “ Mercedes says, “And maybe we never will, but glee club used to be a family, and lately it's been kinda miserable, and I can't help but think I'm to blame for some of it, so I'm sorry for anything cruel or hurtful I said.”

“We've been talking about it a lot,” Quinn says. “About you a lot. And we don't get this trans thing. Our religion teaches us that it's bad, that _you're_ bad.”

“But we've known you forever, and if what the books say is true,” Mercedes continues for Quinn, “Then you haven't really changed, you're just being more honest now. I know I'm prejudiced, and I'm sorry.”

“I'm sorry too,” Quinn says, glad that Finn and Puck aren't cutting them off, but are letting them talk. “We're trying really hard to reconcile what we've been taught in church and by our families with what we know to be true—that you're our friend and a good person. I hope you'll forgive us for being such heinous bitches before.”

“Yeah,” Mercedes says. And the two standing girls don't say anything else, waiting for Vanessa to speak.

“Thank you for apologizing,” Vanessa says slowly, then stops. “I forgive you. I'm not saying we're going to be best friends right away, because you guys really hurt my feelings, and I don't trust you right now. I'm _not_ evil, and I'm _not_ a bad person. I'm a girl, I just don't always look like one. And just because I'm going to dress like a boy at Nationals doesn't mean anything's changed. I'm a girl.”

“C'mon, Babe, let's go to history,” Puck says, taking Vanessa's cafeteria tray. It's clear that whatever Vanessa's said, _he's_ not ready to forgive Quinn and Mercedes for the things they said about Vanessa. He knows, though, that he can't be actively hostile to them because, like they said, glee used to be like a family, but lately it's been like a war zone. So, for a second, Puck drops the attitude and nods to the girls before walking Vanessa to class.

*****

“Alright,” Mr. Schue says at the end of practice. “Don't forget that you all need to be here, at school, at five-thirty in the morning tomorrow. We have a long drive to New York City. Since it's an overnight trip, I will not be your only chaperone. Kurt and Vanessa's parents have volunteered as chaperones, as well as Coach Bieste.”

“Did you know our parents were going to chaperone?” Kurt asks, surprised.

“No,” Vanessa says, looking just as embarrassed and uncomfortable with the idea as Kurt did.

“I've also come up with the room assignments for the hotel, and just in case you think that my usual obliviousness means you're going to be able to 'get lucky,' you should know that both Coach Bieste and Mrs. Pillsbury-Howell have gone over the list with me to make sure that nobody gets to room with their significant other,” Schue says, and the kids all groan and boo in response.

“Mr. Schue,” Vanessa asks on her way out of the room, “Who am I rooming with?”

“I put you with Kurt, is that okay?” Mr. Schue asks, hesitantly.

“Oh, that's fine,” Vanessa relaxes. Because rooming with her brother is a lot easier than sharing a hotel room with anyone else.

“Are you going to be okay singing the duet with Rachel at Nationals, now that you've broken up? Because I can give that part to Blaine,” Mr. Schue offers.

“No, it's okay. Rachel and I are friends, and we've sung lots of duets when we weren't dating. We all understand that the formula works, but sometimes it _is_ good to give solos to the kids who aren't your 'stars,'” Vanessa reminds him,

“I know,” Will says. “No Cheerios practice today, right? Kurt's probably waiting for you to go home.”

“Kurt's probably making out with Blaine in the parking lot,” Vanessa corrects.

“Oh, well, hurry up,” Mr. Schue says, blushing, and she grins at him. She leaves the choir room, and sees Puck waiting for, as she expected, to walk her to the parking lot.

“What did you talk to Mr. Schue about?” Puck asks.

“Wanted to know who my roommate at Nationals would be. It's Kurt which is cool,” Vanessa answers.

“Aw, I was hoping he'd let us room together,” Puck says.

“Not if my parents are chaperoning,” Vanessa muses. “Mom's got her new open door policy going. Which is a little annoying. I mean, you slept over in my room for years, and now suddenly we can't play video games with the door closed?”

“Well, I'm fairly sure that if she had known back then that you were interested in guys, she wouldn't have let me sleep over _in your bed_ ,” Puck responds.

“Stop being so logical,” Vanessa huffs. “You want to come over for dinner tonight?”

“Gotta watch Sarah,” Puck says as he walks with Vanessa toward the parking lot, his arm settling in the small of her back instinctively. She likes his arm there, it makes her feel more like a girl. She knows she's never going to be _little_ , but Puck makes her feel less like a monster. She's still taller than she'd like to be, but there's nothing she can really do about that. She's just glad she hasn't been getting any taller.

They walk out to the parking lot and Vanessa knocks lightly on the window of the Navigator where Kurt and Blaine are, indeed, making out. It takes them a minute or so to break it up and straighten their clothes out again.

“Dude,” Vanessa says, when Blaine steps out of the Navigator, “I get that you're two teenage boys with matching sex drives, but if you guys aren't more careful you're going to get caught, and not only will Kurt totally get grounded but you'll have to face the wrath of Burt Hummel.”

“Yeah, you may have a point,” Blaine says.

“Nessa, stop scaring my boyfriend and get in the car,” Kurt says.

“Kay,” she smiles, climbing in. The Navigator pulled out leaving Blaine and Puck in the parking lot.

“You look a little, _unsatisfied_ there, Anderson,” Puck smirks.

“Not for lack of trying,” Blaine says. He sighs, frustrated. “I swear, life is constantly conspiring against me getting laid.”

“Hey, at least your boyfriend wants it as much as you do,” Puck observes. “It's just, like, scheduling and stuff that gets in the way. I'm flying solo right now.”

“You do realize that even if you and Vanessa start dating, she might not be ready for sex any time soon?” Blaine asks.

“Chill, Anderson. I'm not going to force her or anything. She's my best friend. Besides, my right hand is fully capable of taking care of business,” Puck retorts.

“I really didn't need to know that,” Blaine says, grimacing.

“You mean you don't think about me jacking off in your spare time? Why ever not?” Puck asks, a tone of fake innocence in his voice.

“In case you hadn't noticed, Puckerman, you're not exactly my type,” Blaine mock punches Puck in the arm and they both laugh. “You're too...tall for me.”

“I don't know if _you_ noticed, Anderson, but Kurt and I are exactly the same height now. We also have the same hair color. I must just be too much man for you,” Puck teases as they walk across the parking lot toward their cars.

“You wish, Puckerman. I am perfectly happy with Kurt. I love him. I just wish that school, glee club, and our families weren't constantly cockblocking us.”

“Maybe you guys can sneak away for an hour or two while we're in New York. Or,” Puck is wearing a conspiratorial look. “You know, Mr. Schue is having V room with Kurt, so she's not uncomfortable, or having to share a room with anyone she's attracted to or anything. I can probably distract V for a couple of hours so you and Kurt can have some alone time in the hotel room.”

“You're a godsend,” Blaine answers. “What would you want in return?”

“You'd owe me a favor of equal weight in the future,” Puck answers.

“That sounds like a pretty good deal,” Blaine grins, and the two shake on it. Operation _get-Blaine-laid-in-New-York-City_ is now in effect.

*****

The bus ride is _long_. They all showed up at school at 5:30 in the morning, half asleep, and climbed onto the bus. It's still dark when the bus leaves Lima, with Coach Bieste as the bus driver. Apparently, Mr. Schue is very intrigued by the fact that Coach Bieste can drive a school bus. In fact, the New Directions kids have started making a list of things about Shannon Bieste that Will Schuester finds _intriguing_. They've been watching the tentative flirting between their choir director and their athletics coach with interest for a while now.

On the bus, Vanessa and Puck sit together in the farthest back seat instinctively. It's the seat they always sat in on football trips, and none of the glee jocks even think about sitting there, knowing automatically that the double seat in the back is taken. They throw their bags on the half seat in the back, and sit down. It's still dark out and everybody's subdued. Vanessa's really been enjoying glee club again lately. Ever since she made peace with Quinn and Mercedes, things are becoming more comfortable again. Mike's been going out of his way to be nice to her lately, out of fear of Tina's wrath, and even Artie is trying. In fact, when Artie called her 'Woman' the other day, as if it were her name, she was torn between smacking him for being a misogynist and hugging him for calling her a woman.

It's dark, and kind of quiet, and Vanessa doesn't even notice that she's rested her head on Puck's shoulder, and neither of them react when his arms slips around her instinctively. Bieste has tuned the radio to an adult contemporary station, which is playing quietly over the tinny bus speakers. Vanessa leans into Puck further, and they're cuddling. He's idly running his thumb over the back of her hand as he lets his mind wander. She's falling asleep in his arms, and he's paying no attention to his surroundings. He doesn't notice the adults watching them.

Will is still standing in the aisle as he surveys the kids. The dating ones have mostly chosen seats in pairs so they can cuddle or make out, but most of them are dozing off all ready. He can't help but smile when he sees Santana's head in Brittany's lap, and Brittany is just running her fingers through Santana's dark hair. Shielded the way she is, between the wall of the bus and Brittany, safe in Brittany's lap, Santana has let her walls down. Will smiles as he sees the genuine girl behind the facade. He wishes she would let that part of her out more often. Kurt and Blaine are kissing and cuddling in the seat in front of Puck and Vanessa, but they haven't crossed any _really_ inappropriate lines, so Will decides not to bother them. As long as their clothes stay on he's not too worried. Artie and Lauren are sitting together at the front of the bus talking about...something. Will knows they're both in the AV club, but he wasn't aware that they were actually _friends_.

Mercedes and Rachel are being surprisingly quiet as well, as they debate the validity of the cinematic interpretation of _Dreamgirls_. Rachel's point of contention is that in adding new material to the production, the film changed the nature of the story instead of being true to the original Broadway artistic vision. Mercedes is insisting that none of that matters when you take into account how hot Jamie Foxx is.

Will smiles at his students. He knows that there were some serious issues earlier in the semester, when Vanessa came out at school, and the club divided amongst themselves, but everything seems to have settled down and he's exceedingly grateful for that. He sees Quinn leaning on Sam's shoulder and smiles, he hadn't known they'd gotten back together, but they are definitely an aesthetically pleasing couple. They complemented one another well. Mike and Tina are still together as well, which Will hadn't expected at the beginning of the school year, but he was pleasantly surprised to see how well his too shyest students were helping each other grow and change, and emerge from their protective shells. His eyes drift to the back of the bus and his head tilts to the side slightly as he considers Vanessa and Puck. They are, and there is no other word for it, _snuggling_. Vanessa appears to be asleep and Noah looks to be daydreaming or just zoning out. And they're cuddled together in a way Will wasn't expecting to see. Because part of him still thinks of her as Finn, the slightly clueless but well-meaning masculine _boy_. The boy who at several points in his life reminded Will of himself. And Puck is still the abrasive, rough, gruff, dishonest boy who needs to be reigned it, as far as Will is concerned. He has a hard time believing Puck would be okay with cuddling his buddy Finn, transgender or no, because Puck has always aggressively asserted his heterosexuality, and being so kind and gentle to a boy dressed as a girl isn't a side of him Will had ever believed existed. But this glimpse of them together makes Will wonder what else he's missed.

“How long has _that_ been going on?” Will asks Burt and Carole quietly, before sitting down across from the. The married couple glance up at the large bus rear-view mirror to see Vanessa and Puck cuddling, completely oblivious to their surroundings.

“Not long,” Carole says. “Well, they started to get close again after Vanessa came out, but the random cuddling hasn't been happening long. A few weeks, maybe.”

“Puckerman should keep his hands to himself,” Burt grumbles. Then he looks in the mirror again. “And so should Anderson.”

“Excuse Burt,” Carole whispers conspiratorially, “He's refusing to admit that our kids have grown up.”

“I understand it's something every parent goes through,” Will smiles.

“Yeah, wait until you have kids and see how you feel about it,” Burt says.

Will nods. He's been teaching for a while, and he's used to parents telling him this. They always say he'll understand things better when he's a father, though he's not sure why. He supposed if he ever does marry again he'll find out if they're right. Will and Carole make small talk for a while, the Will moves up to the front seat next to Shannon. His kids are off their own little worlds

*****

The bus stops at a rest stop so they can eat, use the bathroom, stretch their legs and fill the bus up with diesel fuel. Vanessa walks with Rachel, Brittany, Santana and Lauren to the ladies' room and goes inside with the girls. She often feels uncomfortable using public restrooms. Not because she doesn't think of herself as a woman, but because she's afraid of other people. She's read on the internet that in big cities, there are lots of places now that have gender-neutral bathrooms and locker rooms, but a small town like Lima isn't one of them. And this small service station definitely isn't one of them either. But surrounded by her girlfriends, Vanessa is okay. She uses the bathroom, washes her hands, straightens her wig and fixes her make-up while chatting idly to the other girls here and there.

She walks out with the girls to the rest area's food court. It has a coffee and donuts place, a chicken and hamburgers place, and a pizza place. She buys some pizza and a coke and sits down with her friends in the eating area. She's between Puck and Kurt with Blaine, Brittany and Santana across from the. Brittany's trying to get Santana to eat some actual food—since Coach Sue isn't there to monitor their eating habits, and keeps trying to stick french fries in Santana's mouth. Blaine and Kurt are having a very energetic conversation about...something. Vanessa can't really follow it, but they're both gesturing wildly. She's just eating her pizza quickly, but carefully, as not to smudge her lipstick too badly.

“Freaks,” a voice says as three or four college-age guys walk past them. Vanessa has her hand on Puck's arm before he has a chance to stand.

“Look, faggots, lezzies and a tranny all at one table. Must be the freak brigade,” one of the guys says, and the other laugh like mules.

Before any of them get a chance to retort, Burt, Will and Coach Bieste are there, in between them and the homophobes, chasing them away. Carole, meanwhile, has gone to find a security guard, just in case. The whole situation is diffused in a couple of minutes, and Vanessa finds herself less bothered by the words than she used to be. Because she might be a freak, but at least she has all her freak friends to keep her company. After lunch they duck back into the bathroom again before getting back on the bus and back on the road.

The next leg of the trip is more active, with people singing songs on the bus, and everyone joining in. They work on their vocals for the competition. They aren't able to practice their choreography, of course, but they work on their vocals. Vanessa practices her parts, full of energy. Puck has his arm around her shoulder and she feels invigorated. Her parents grin as they listen to her sing and watch her smile, and even Mr. Schue is really impressed by their practicing. She used to be bothered by her voice, but seeing Kurt so comfortable with his range made her feel a little better. If Kurt could be a boy who sang like a girl but was still a boy, then Vanessa could be a girl who sang like a boy but was still a girl.

*****

Everyone is nervous at Nationals. There are a lot of glee clubs all competing for one national title. Vanessa looks at Finn in the mirror. She straightens his tie and smooths his black slacks. Objectively, she could see that Finn looked pretty good. He matches the other six boys in the glee club. When it's time for them to go on she lines up with the boys.

Puck takes Vanessa's hand in his and squeezes it gently. She's surprised at the action, because Puck's never touched her like this while she's been in “boy mode” before. He usually only holds her hand in “girl mode.” But, still, Puck squeezes her hand in comfort.

“Break a leg,” he whispers behind her.

“Ditto,” she whispers back. And then they start. She sings the ballad as a duet with Rachel. She's uncomfortable playing the male romantic lead against Rachel again—after months of really being herself—but she does the best. Her smile fades temporarily, but then she catches Puck's eye and pretends she's singing to him, and it gets a little better. She can do this.

In the audience, Will sits between Carole and Shannon with Burt on the other side of Carole, as the kids perform. Finn does a good job, but didn't seem as comfortable on the stage as she had, the day before, when they were practicing on the bus. Finn doesn't look comfortable in his own skin, and his exchanges with Rachel lack passion. Finally, Will gets it. He understands at once what his student has been trying to tell him for weeks. The dresses and wigs and make-up aren't a costume, aren't a case of a boy in drag. No, _this_ is the drag. This is the costume, the mask that Vanessa wears. And it drags her down. Will looks over at Carole who, with a sad look on her face has clearly just noticed the same thing Will had.

“I'm sorry,” Will whispers. “I shouldn't have asked this of her. I won't do it again. I thought it would be easier this way, that we'd be more likely to win. I never expected her to look so...miserable.”

“Apology accepted,” Carole says. “Just make sure you apologize to her yourself later.”

“I will,” Will promises, and he sits back to enjoy the rest of the performance.

*****

“Alright,” Will announces after the competition, “It's time for the third best glee club in America to go out and celebrate!”

The kids all cheer. They didn't come in first, but there were more than twenty glee clubs competing, so third place isn't bad. He can't seem to get rid of the niggling feeling that had he let Vanessa perform as herself they might have done better. Of course, they also might have done worse if the judges were prejudiced, there's no way to know for sure. But he had promised the kids he'd take them out after the competition. They'd raised enough money to take in a Broadway show, but first they're all going out to eat. Vanessa had changed into her girl clothes after the competition was over, and now they're going out. Coach Bieste doesn't want to try and maneuver the school bus through the city, so they take the subway as a group.

On the subway, Blaine and Kurt start singing “Santa Fe” from Rent. They've all watched the movie enough at their movie nights that Puck's able to pick up Roger's part, and Sam picks up Mark's part. Blaine gets really into it, singing Collins' lead on the song, not caring that they're not alone on the subway.

“You teach?” Kurt asks.

“I teach,” Blaine responds, “Computer-age philosophy. But my students would rather TV.”

“Ha, America,” Kurt says with disdain. The two of them really get into it, and the others can't help but join in. Before long they're dancing in the subway car. Everyone's laughing and enjoying themselves. Eventually the subway reaches its destination and they make their way out of the train station and up to a restaurant not far from the theater they're going to.

“Hey, look, karaoke!” Rachel says excitedly while they're eating. “The show's not for a while, we should do some karaoke.”

“Vanessa, you should sing a song,” Will suggests.

“We should all sing songs!” Rachel says, and goes to look up the songs they have. She calls over Vanessa when she spots a song she thinks Vanessa should sing. “It's for a female tenor,” Rachel says, and cues the song up on the karaoke machine.

 _“You got a fast car  
I want a ticket to anywhere  
Maybe we make a deal  
Maybe together we can get somewhere  
Anyplace is better  
Starting from zero got nothing to lose  
Maybe we'll make something  
But me myself I got nothing to prove_

 _You got a fast car  
I got a plan to get us out of here  
been working at the convenience store  
Managed to save just a little bit of money  
We won't have to drive too far  
Just 'cross the border and into the city  
You and I can both get jobs  
And finally see what it means to be living_

 _You see my old man's got a problem  
He live with the bottle that's the way it is  
He says his body's too old for working  
I say his body's too young to look like his  
but mama went off and left him  
She wanted more from life than he could give  
I said somebody's got to take care of him  
So I quit school and that's what I did_

 _You got a fast car  
is it fast enough so we can fly away  
We gotta make a decision  
We leave tonight or live and die this way_

 _So remember when we were driving driving in your car  
The speed so fast felt like I was drunk  
City lights lay out before us  
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder  
I had a feeling that I belonged  
I had a feeling I could be someone  
be someone_

 _You got a fast car  
We go cruising to entertain ourselves  
You still ain't got a job  
And I work in a market as a checkout girl  
I know things will get better  
You'll find work and I'll get promoted  
We'll move out of the shelter  
Buy a bigger house and live in the suburbs_

 _So remember when we were driving driving in your car  
The speed so fast felt like I was drunk  
City lights lay out before us  
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder  
I had a feeling that I belonged  
I had a feeling I could be someone  
be someone_

 _be someone_

 _You got fast car  
And I got a job that pays all our bills  
You stay out drinking late at the bar  
See more of your friends than you do of your kids  
I'd always hoped for a better  
Thought maybe together you and me would find it  
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere  
So take your fast car and keep on driving_

 _So remember when we were driving driving in your car  
The speed so fast felt like I was drunk  
City lights lay out before us  
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder  
I had a feeling that I belonged  
I had a feeling I could be someone  
be someone_

 _be someone_

 _You got a fast car  
But is it fast enough so you can fly away  
You gotta make a decision  
You leave tonight or live and die this way ” _

Vanessa sings slowly, getting really into the song and everyone looks at her. She really works the song, putting a lot of emotion into it and her friends are flabbergasted.

“If she had sang this instead of the duet with Rachel, if she'd sung this, as a girl, we totally would have won,” Puck says, his eyes wide.

“I think you're right,” Will says, “And I think we just picked the ballad for next year's Sectionals.”

“Oh yeah,” Rachel nods. “She _killed_ that song.”

Vanessa smooths some wrinkles out of her dress as she walks over to her friends who are applauding her. Kurt and Blaine get up and sing an awesome duet with each other, that's romantic and beautiful, and get applauded by everyone around them. It's an interesting experience for everyone. Usually, when Blaine and Kurt sing duets, their family and friends are impressed, but it's not uncommon for somebody to make some sort of rude comment. But here, in the restaurant so close to Broadway, they're applauded by a whole crowd of strangers. There's been a young boy, maybe twelve or thirteen, who's been staring at them the whole time, especially Vanessa, Kurt and Blaine. Vanessa catches his eyes, and the boy looks her over, then looks away.

After dinner, Vanessa looks at Brittany and Santana.

“Go to the bathroom with me?” she asks.

“Duh,” Brittany replies, getting up, and Santana comes with them. Vanessa uses the bathroom, fixes her hair and make-up, and then leaves the bathroom. The boy from earlier is standing there, outside the door when she leaves the women's room.

“Hi,” he says shyly.

“Hi,” Vanessa says. He looks so nervous, uncomfortable in his own skin. She has an odd desire to hug him.

“You're really brave,” he says.

“Thank you,” Vanessa answers. Brittany and Santana stand behind her, pinkies linked, waiting for her. She sees something in the boy's eyes and knows he wants to talk to her alone. “Go back to the table, I'll be there in a minute.”

“You sure, V?” Santana asks.

“I'm sure,” Vanessa says, and the two cheerleaders skip back out to the group, their pinkies still linked. Vanessa looks at the kid standing in front of her. He's small, thin, built kind of like Kurt when they were that age. “What's your name?”

“Jeremy,” the kid answers, saying the name with a bit of distaste.

“What's your real name?” Vanessa asked quietly. “The one you call yourself in your head”

Jeremy looked shocked at Vanessa's question, but looked around both ways before answering in a whisper.

“Mandy,” the name is whispered so quietly Vanessa barely catches it.

“Nice to meet you, Mandy,” Vanessa says, offering her hand to the younger teenager. “I'm Vanessa.”

“You were...” Mandy looks like she doesn't have the words to ask the questions she wants to ask. “You were born a boy?”

“Yeah,” Vanessa says quietly.

“But now you live like a girl, and your parents and your friends still like you?” the jealousy and awe in Mandy's voice are palpable.

“It's hard, but worth it,” Vanessa says. “Does your mom know that you're a girl?”

Mandy shook her head. “Not really. She thinks it's a phase.”

“You need to make her understand,” Vanessa said. “You're, what, twelve, thirteen?”

“Thirteen,” Mandy says. “Next week.”

“You could go on hormone blockers, if your parents understand. Before your voice changes and you get really manly. But you have to talk to them,” Vanessa says.

“I'm scared,” Mandy confesses.

“Nessa, it's time to go or we're going to be late,” Kurt says running back to get her. He sees Nessa talking to the kid who was watching them earlier, and understands what's going on.

“Here, what's your facebook?” Nessa asks.

“Jeremy S. Tyler,” Mandy answers. She watches Vanessa search her Facebook app and then points to the right contact.

“Friend me back when you get home. You can talk to me whenever you want, okay?” Vanessa said. “We live in Ohio, but if your mom needs to talk to my parents, I can give her their number.”

“Thank you,” Mandy says. Vanessa leans over and gives the younger teenager a hug. Mandy hugs her back and when they pull away, Vanessa sees tears in the younger girl's eyes.

“Stay strong,” Vanessa says. “It gets easier. Just be yourself, and ignore what people say.”

“Feel free to friend me too, if you want,” Kurt says, “You'll find me in Nessa's family section, I'm her brother.”

“Thanks,” Mandy says. The two older teens walk out and leave the restaurant, staying with their friends and family. Vanessa can't help but hope that Mandy friends her when she gets hope. She looked like she could use a friend.

*****

Vanessa loves _Les Miserables_. Everyone gets into it, even Puck and Santana and Lauren. Vanessa sits between Puck and Kurt, who sits next to Blaine, and can't help but lose herself in the play. She finds herself drawn to Eponine. Rachel is mouthing along to all of Cosette's lines, as is Kurt, and Blaine seems to be, as far as Vanessa can tell, fixated on Marius. But Eponine fascinates Vanessa. She sees so many parallels of herself in the woman, and when she dies, Vanessa starts crying. Puck slips his arm around her, and she rests her head on his shoulder for the rest of the show. She understands why Rachel loves this show so much.

“It was so sad,” Brittany says as they walk out of the theater after the show is over. “The policeman and John-John could have been friends, they could have helped each other, but the policeman couldn't let go of his...” she pauses, trying to remember the word she wants. “Prejudice. He was prejudiced. He wasn't a bad guy at first, but he became one because he couldn't change, or learn.”

“I've never heard it stated so well, Brittany,” Schue says. “That was a very good analysis.”

Brittany beams at her teacher's praise, and then the whole group takes the subway back to the hotel. Burt, Carole, Schue and Bieste do a quick check to make sure that the kids are all in their own rooms in the hotel, and then disappear to their own rooms. Well, Burt and Carole return to their own room, Shannon and Will go down to the hotel's bar for a while.

Kurt and Vanessa are about to change into their pajamas when there's a knock on their door. Vanessa opens it and Puck's standing there.

“Wanna go for a little walk?” Puck asks. “I heard a rumor that it's pretty nice up on the roof.”

“Um, okay,” Vanessa says. “Let me grab a sweater and my room key.” She grabs her purse, and shoves her room key and her cell phone into it, and pulls a sweater off a chair. She leaves the room and her hand slips naturally into Puck's as they walk down the hall toward a staircase. Puck shows her the door he's found to the roof access, and they push it open, stepping out into the night. It's very different in the city than it is back home in the Lima suburbs. The light pollution swallows the stars, so they can't really make out any of the constellations, but from their spot on the roof they can see the whole city all lit up with lights. Vanessa feels the wind on her face, and everything feels so nice. There's a picnic table where the hotel employees obviously come for their smoke breaks, and the sit side by side on the bench, looking out over the city.

“You were really good today,” Vanessa says. “You nailed your solo perfectly.”

“Thanks,” Puck says. “You were pretty awesome at yours too.”

“Mr. Schue apologized to me, did you know that? He says he's sorry he asked me to perform in boy mode, and says that next year he wants me to dress like the rest of the girls for performances, consequences be damned,” Vanessa says.

“That's awesome. I'll admit, when you sang karaoke, I couldn't take my eyes off you,” Puck admits.

“It was kind of a sad song that I sang. It kinda made me think of you.”

“It always makes me think of my Mom,” Puck admits. “I feel so bad for her. She has to work so hard just to keep food on the table, and I certainly haven't done anything to help her out. She'd be better off without me.”

“Never say that,” Vanessa says, firmly. “Nobody would be better off without you. You're so important Puck. Yeah, you used to be a major asshole, but you've changed a _lot_ over the past year, and you've really stepped up. I'm proud to call you my friend.”

“You're amazing, you know that?” Puck says. “I've screwed you over so many times, and you're always ready to forgive me eventually. And you're so brave.”

“You screwed _Finn_ over,” Vanessa corrects. “You and me? We've been close since we were four.” She shivers in the cold night air and he puts his arm around her reflexively.

“That is a very good point,” Puck says, smiling. He turns to look at her. She's smiling, and Puck can't help but see how pretty she is in this light. She hasn't started on any hormones yet, but she's learned different make-up techniques to make herself seem more feminine, and they definitely accentuate her natural beauty. But what gets Puck is the natural radiance that shines out of her at moments like these. Moments when she's let all her walls down, and it's just the two of them, Noah and Nessa. Like they were four years old again.

Puck reaches out with one hand and catches her chin in his hand. He moves his head towards her and she tilts her face up expectantly. Gently, he presses his lips against hers. He moves his arm from around her shoulders to around her waist and pulls her closer to him. The kiss lasts about ten seconds before they break apart, and in those ten seconds, Noah knows that this is where he's supposed to be.

“Was that okay?” he asks Vanessa. “Did I move too fast?”

“It was perfect,” Vanessa answers, blushing.

“I know we said we were going to take this slow, 'cause we don't want this to be some sort of rebound thing, but I think,” Puck pauses, “I think I just figured out that part of me has loved you since we were four, I just didn't realize it, because you were hiding the girl I cared about, like, deep inside you. And I think...I think that I was such a dick, because I resented you for changing. I mean, I understand now that you tried to be a guy because that was what everyone expected of you. But I liked you when you weren't wearing so many masks.”

“Puck,” Vanessa starts, then she stops. “Noah,” she corrects herself. “Part of me has loved you since I was four. Even when you were an ass. But you're right, I hid Vanessa deep inside because people didn't want her around. I pretended to be the super masculine guy because that's what people, like, needed from me. I buried that part of me deep inside, and I buried my feelings for you with it. I'm, like, still not used to the idea that these feelings are allowed. A part of me totally keeps expecting you to slug me and tell me to man up.”

Noah takes a deep breath, and guilt is evident on his face. “I'm so sorry I ever did that. I'm so sorry I was such an asshole for so long.”

“I forgive you. And I know Kurt's forgiven you. Noah, you're my best friend. As much as I really, really want to be your girlfriend, the idea of dating you terrifies me. What if we break up and I lose my best friend? And then there's the fact that you're a self-proclaimed sex shark, and even if it was possible for you to be attracted to me, I am so totally not anywhere _near_ ready for that. And how long until you get bored and start, like, sexting Santana or making out with Lauren in closets?” Vanessa asks.

“Hey, hey, hey,” Noah interjects. “First of all, no matter what happens, I will always be your best friend. If we can recover from me knocking up Quinn, we can come back from anything. Second, you're gorgeous and amazing. I'm totally into you, and that includes physically, so don't even start that crap about not being pretty. I think you're beautiful. And third, my right hand is perfectly capable of keeping me satisfied. I can wait as long as you need to. Yeah, it might be frustrating, but did you miss the part, a few minutes ago, when I just told you I'm in love with you? When you love somebody, you make sacrifices, and you wait until you're ready. And that's something I didn't get before. But I'm not that fifteen-year-old jackass who gets cheerleaders drunk on wine coolers just to get in their pants. I can wait.” Noah sets a hand on Vanessa's shoulder, and stares right into her eyes, making sure she hears what he's saying.

“You really love me?” Vanessa asks. “That's so weird.”

“It really is,” Noah agrees. “I don't get it either, but I love you.”

“I love you too,” Vanessa says, and she leans forward to kiss him again. This kiss is longer, and Vanessa parts her lips slightly to let Puck run his tongue over them, but she doesn't fully open her mouth yet. His teeth ever so lightly graze her lower lip as they pull apart.

“So, what do you say, want to give this dating thing a shot?” Puck asks.

“Alright,” Vanessa agrees, smiling. “We should go back to our rooms soon, before we get in trouble.”

“Actually, Blaine and Kurt are having a bit of a booty call,” Puck admits. “Blaine said he'd text me when they're done.”

“So this was all a diversion?” Vanessa asks.

“Kinda,” Puck admits. “But I meant every word I said.”

“I know,” Vanessa agrees. “Still, you mislead me.”

“How can I make it up to you?” Puck asks.

“Hmm,” Vanessa pretended to mull it over. “You could always kiss me again.”

So he does.

*End Chapter 10*


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